While last week my mind was filled with anxiousness, tiredness and even just days ago I could honestly say "I'm done being pregnant."
Today I woke up with a peace. I'm still a sweaty hot mess, 213 pounds of pregnant hormones, I felt God's presence telling me I need to be patient.
I thought back to my other labors... trying to prepare. I honestly do not remember how it felt. I know I was in pain... but I cant remember the pains intensity anymore. God assures me this is a good sign. I can do it again. I remember my pregnancy woes way more than my labor woes. I am the type of person who would rather deliver a baby weekly than carry nine months that's for sure. But God also assures me that I made it with the other children who were all late, I will make it this time too, late or not.
We tested and timed the pumping and filling of the "lobster shark pool" as its been named in our house for the water birth I hope to have. 20 minutes from deflated to "climb in and try and relax". My youngest boy watched as we filled it up and asked me if I wanted to play with toys in there. "Baby out today?" I assured him no, but he wasn't satisfied with that so I told him it was just too hot (It was 47 C with the humidity). That seemed to work.
I know God is going to be my comfort during this labor... and that has to as well mean the days up to the big day. I have to trust His timing in it. With my other pregnancies I remember doing the evening primrose oil, raspberry leaf tea etc to try and make sure my kids came on time (two were around 10 days late). This time while the temptation is there, I keep saying "no" because I really want God to have all the control in this. I wonder if I will have that kind of self control if she decides to come late?
Tonight as I was cleaning up the kitchen I was having mild contractions, something I'm accustomed too, been having them for weeks. But for the first time I thought "How wonderful of God to give us signs that birth is coming"... maybe not within the next few days, or weeks even, but that its coming. That my body is preparing for our fourth child's arrival. A woman's body does wild things in preparation for childbirth, aches and pains and hormonal messes, but they are truly all signs that my body is doing something extra ordinary. It is a blessing to be able to carry a child and also to deliver..no matter how it looks. I think now too, that each contraction, regardless if it is "practice" or not, is a chance to focus on God and pray. That each day that passes and I don't give birth, is a chance to trust once again in Him.
I have an amazing support system, and I am thankful for all the prayers and spiritual advice I have received. Constant reminders that the Great I Am is on my side. That I just have to keep focused on Him because He will do what is best... and when I have a hormonal meltdown perhaps within the next few days... refer me to this blog please! HA HA HA!
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