weaning

My son has nursed for 28 months, and now since Saturday I have said no more.  This wasnt a mutual decision like I hoped it would be, but one that I decided on because for the past few months I really havent enjoyed breastfeeding.  It has brought me aggitation, stress and almost resentment towards my son. 

I have been paitient with it all, praying that God would give me the ability to keep going, but the past few weeks all I could think was "Im done. Im done. D-O-N-E ....done. " 

So now I sit here, completley engorged, sore, emotional, hot (its really hot here today).  My son battled me all night (which is weird because he hasnt nursed at night in weeks), I have slept not even an hour last night.  I woke up at 6am to have a hot shower, then came down and fed my four year old some breakfast, then went upstairs weeping to my husband that I just needed sleep.  He got up with our children and cleaned the house and even took them to the park while I rested till almost lunchtime.  I cannot express how greatful I am for that.  The thought of cleaning, moving, even walking right now brings pain to my chest LOL. 

My son had been eating terrific which is not very often he has been doing that, but I guess with no breastmilk he has no choice.  I did express some and put it in a sippy for him yesterday, in response he got angry, I dont think he liked that idea.  I tell him that they are "broken" so he looks at them and goes "awwww" in a sympathetic voice. 


So I have been praying, praying that I would just dry up, that the milk would go away!  I thank God that I was able to nurse this long, and that I have had a very generous supply even still. 

I have been praying for my hormones to not go so crazy.  They have been wonkey since I stopped, its considered normal... but with my history of depression it does frighten me.


"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" says the Lord in 2 Cor 12:9
Ahhh God, Your grace is my fuel, the fact You are here with me through all this. I find such comfort in that.  I am so greatful I am not alone even at 4am when all I want to do is scream!


the New Living Translation of Hebrews 4:16 says
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."


I never thought I would come boldly to the throne of God with something like THIS, but I have such comfort knowing that I can and that He WILL help me in this. 


There is a guilt that is inside my heart that I have been praying to be released from.  The fact that I have stopped nursing him before he has wanted to makes me feel like I am hurting him somehow.  I know that nursing for 28 months (and four years all together because I never really had much time off in between my boys), is GOOD. AWESOME. GREAT!  But ofcourse there is that nagging evil inside me saying "you have failed your son, feel sorry for yourself, your poor poor boy". 


But Jesus tells me "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you." John 14:27


He "comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:4  I have recieved amazing comfort from those who have gone through it and I know from this I will be able to help others. 

I need to press forward, we both do.  He understands he can survive without nursing, he has discovered that solid food is fantastic, and I know we will both live LOL.  All I can do through this is try to remain paitient, show nothing but love for the whole situation and remain in Christ as well. 

A "bit of my crunchy side"... Yes I still breastfeed....

I dont even know how to start this post, but I know that I have a lot of things to say.  Over the past few weeks, I have come across more than one person who has showed complete shock that I still breastfeed my two year old son.  I dont know if I would go as far to say they look discusted, but concerned.  If they only knew I breastfed my first son until he was almost three. 

I dont know if I am 100% pro baby-lead weaning or not. I know that there are reasons, and to me they are valid good reasons for a Mom to wean a child and it is all good.  But for me, I just cant bring myself to do it.  With my daughter I lost my milk supply drastically when she was 9 months old and quit, I didnt have the education about breastfeeding as I do now.  With Tayven, our second, I quit nursing him while pregnant for Zayden due to emotional and mental pain (dealing with PPD, being pregnant and nursing wasnt exactically my idea of a good time then, and thats another story) I stopped, once Zayden was born Tayven wanted to nurse again and I let him and he stopped a few months shy of his third birthday.  I tandemed (nursed two at the same time) for almost 10 months. 

We have tried a few times to diminish the amount of times he is nursing during the day, but everytime there is a tooth, a sickness, or any change in schedual, we are back at nursing like a three week old baby with a growth spurt!  I love nursing my son for the most part, sometimes though a wiggly 30 pound boy who is pulling at your jewlery and kicking you in the face while nursing for the 5th time that afternoon can be a bit <insert hair pulling here>.   We co-sleep so during the night he will help himself..and the times he has been in his own bed, I have actually found myself "sleep nursing"..making my way into his room at his beckon call and nursing him.  For those who last heard he was no longer nursing at night...HA..that lasted maybe a month... and I am not joking when I say every time I attempt night weaning I get mastitis (a really nasty infection in the milk ducts) and you are not supposed to stop nursing when you have mastitis..sometimes I think its a curse LOL. 



Zayden- Summer 2010



He is however starting to enjoy solid foods. We did baby-led solids with Zayden, skipped the jars and just let him try what we were having.  He honestly never at too much solids till just the past six months I bet.  And in no way shape or form is he "failure to thrive".   

One question I have been asked more than any other question is "Is that breastmilk any good for him anymore???  It cant have any nutrition in it."  ofcourse it does! Breastmilk changes with your child, for your childs needs. God made it to do that!  Isnt that so awesome!? 

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html#nutrition

That is a great link about extended breastfeeding.  There havent been a ton of studies done on breastfeeding over the age of two that I can find, but there is definatly tons of benefits that you can look into in that link if you are interested.  If anyone reading this has some great information of the nutritional value of two years or beyond I would love to see it and give it a good read :) 

I dont get overly angry or sad when people give me weird looks, but I do wish that it was more culturally "normal"..I think its getting better. 

I dont start getting lippy at people about me breastfeeding my toddler, but I do gently say that it still gives him loads of nutrition and protects him from illnesses and helps as well with allergies (which I have a few of).  
I have also been asked why I never gave him a bottle.  We did with Tayven and it worked fantastic. I have nothing against bottles, but with Z, we just didnt do it.  To give him one now I think would just be weird!  Plus Im just too bloody lazy to do any more dishes!!! ;)  I dont know if there is a "right" way to dealing with this issue.  Everyone has been taught something and they see it as right. And it is right for them.  I used to do the formula/breastfeeding debate all the time... now I just dont and I am happy with my decisions and I dont judge other Moms for their choice.  Parenting can be hard enough! lol Plus..Jesus was breastfed!  (Had to add that :)