Im not moving from this spot....

So I realised that Jesus Cultures Awakening conference was being streamed live on the internet for the next few days.  I decided that since one child was sleeping, and the other two were outside, I would put it on and watch.  When they started to pray I was excited for the people in that arena.  There are going to be people there that may have never encountered God in ways that I know that sometimes worship music does to people.  It does to me, at Church, while its playing out of speakers at our home, or while just singing in the shower, whatever..music brings me close to God. However while watching this on the computer this afternoon I did not expect to feel anything.  I was praying along with them, hours away in Chicago and this heavyness, so light, but so strong just pressed upon me.  Does that make sense?  Like it wasnt a painful heavyness, it wasnt like weights were being pressed on me..  Its like thick...  Its not swaying, or windy, there is just Him.  Its this feeling like..so intense.  I didnt want to move, I just sat there my hand on my heart, eyes welling up, a huge smile, like "Im not moving from this spot."  Jesus is in this place.

But I had to get up out of the chair, I have three kids... but just even moving around the house I could feel Him.  I was like "whoa. Okay Jesus, lets keep it this way.  What can I do to keep it this way?"  I had to start to put dishes away and this glass shattered on the floor(the sneaky thing, it was hiding in my casserole dish).   This would be ample time to curse my little heart out (thats a Candace classic.)  But I didnt, I was so calm, I just stood there and just grabbed the broom.  It didnt matter that the glass broke, what mattered is that Jesus was right there.  There is no room for anger when He is there... I want that,  permanent.  This anger in my heart was what was broken.  That was what I was paying attention too.  It was gone.  Swept away by Him.

 
Kim Walker of Jesus Culture was talking just before the music started about trying to keep that feeling of worship going constant, not just right before Church on Sunday but all the time.  To keep that line of communication between us and Christ opened all the time.  It is so possible. Sometimes put Christ on the back burner.  I dont ever want to do that anymore, I catch myself doing it..a day or two without reading Scripture, without prayers, but I dont want too and its in these moments when we are so captured by God, that we realise just how important that feeling is.  It can be permanent... we just gotta do what we need to do to obtain it.  To pray, to be in constant awareness of Him.  I think too that I do get angry and frustrated, but I can approach it different.  I cry, I complain to God, but in the same time to give thanks for it, to worship Him in it knowing full out that He is doing good in my life through this.  Thats what I crave.  Not just in this moment, but in the moments hours from now when things are going to happen that are going to cause me to wanna loose this feeling and just be miserable.
I think I ramble the same things over and over in my blogs sometime, but God I think is really really trying to teach me to become fully 100% dependant on Him for everything in my life.  Its my walk with Him, no one is going to have the exact same one.  But I know Im going to look back and be like "whoa.  ThankYou Lord!"  Its coming up to a year ago where I felt the presense of God totally ripped from me, where I doubted Christ.  Last fall was crazy in my life.  Went from two months of total dryness in my faith, to the end of October when my faith exploded and its been the most phenominal life changing journey ever since.  I have seen such change and I know I am going to step into these coming seasons with a totally different perspective as I did a year ago.   I want to see so much glory brought to Him.  I want to feel Him as close as possible as much as possible.  If I have to fight for it I think I might.  And pray without ceasing, and spend less time on things that arent as important as I think they are, and use that time for Him.  First and always Him.