To just sit back and reflect

I have witnessed God moving in our home and its been outstanding.  He is so good.  I am just completly been humbled and in awe of Him.  A few weeks ago I struggled for a good four days with a lot of things.  The enemy moved like a mad man in my heart, my mind and I felt as though the devil had ahold of me.  Set up camp in the pit of my stomach, and it was kinda like he picked up a paper, sat back in a Lazy Boy and just started whispering evil into my heart.  I went through a lot frustration and I seen a lot of emotions in my heart that were not in Christ's likeness.  I cried and cried and was literally sick.  Fevered and weak and miserable. This happened right immediatly after I laid a lot of things down at the foot of the cross...  (temptation anyone?)   It was hard, a lot of tears and a lot of anger.  The people who I had frustration with I appologized too for thinking even the most angry of thoughts.  This was not from Christ, these thoughts I had were not approved by God.  They were mean and vindictive.  I was not a happy camper.  I felt like I just wanted to crawl into the arms of Jesus and just weep..and I think that's basically what I did. 

God has started to move in my heart on some things.  He is showing me He totally has my back.  I am His child and He is taking care of me.  There is nothing that can stand in the way of my relationship with my heavenly Father.  Nothing. 

If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:31-39

This has been crucial for me.  I sometimes forget that people, events, the enemy, trials etc that may make me feel sad or fearful have nothing against my God.  And its very humbling to realize that He's going to show me the way every single time over and over again.  That by giving Him my life to use for His purpose,  has protected me from much much harm in my relationship with Him.   I can allow things that arent from God to seep into my life and torture and destroy me ultimatley or I can choose to say no and walk away.  The prize in the end is much much more important to me than satisfying curiosity now. 

I have been learning and God has been guiding me especially over the past year to trust in Him more and more.  What would have taken me 2 weeks to get over before now took me less than a week.  God is so good to His children.
To have my husband with such a hunger for God and stepping up and out above and beyond suddenly is amazing.  God is speaking such good things into his life and its amazing to watch.  Our house is a house of God, and God is clearly running it very smoothly. 

Its a time of celebration, excitement, even in those days where all I could do was cry, God was still encouraging me to keep on.  It took me a few days of selfish pity to finally grasp that though, but even in those days I really really learned alot about Christ's character and His love for me.  Its so beyond anything we could ever imagine.  To feel His presence in our lives and to just soak in it, to just be in so much love with our God and wanna praise Him all the time.  I come to realize in those moments of wanting to self help myself and figure I dont NEED God in that moment that I truly do.  When I try to do things my way, even if they run smoothly and feel good for the moment ultimatly are like that house built upon the sand...  these moments of disregarding Jesus in my life are really just not worth my time anymore.  I dont want them.  While I dont do it very often, very rarely, those moments still creep up where I dont ask God His opinion on how to handle things first.  I go everywhere and anywhere for answers besides the very Book He gave us to seek His wisdom and hear Him speak to us. 

Joyce Meyer said something in a sermon I believe it was the end of last week that really made me laugh because its totally me. While I dont find anything wrong with going to family and friends for advice,  the reason this spoke to me is who I am going to FIRST. 
"Now doesnt it just frustrate you when you are in a storm and it feels to you that Jesus is asleep?... then we start to try and figure out what we're going to do and start running to everybody for advice..let me give you a little advice, some of the people you are running too to solve your problems dont even know what to do with their own problems. Stop running to the phone and start running to the Throne. "

Its like I was doing sprints back and forth between wordly advice and the Throne of God.  I have a lot of Christian friends who do always give me terrific advice..that advice is to read my Bible and pray!  I want it to get to the point where Im not even leaving His presence... where its just a constant regular thing for me to just talk to Him first.