A different pregnancy.

There is something about this pregnancy. Dont look at me like Im a horrible Mother when I say this but I really haven't been concerned for this little girl inside me. This isnt because I dont care because I do, but I have totally left her in Gods hands that I dont worry about her. Now I still have days where I worry about organizing something, or little things like purchases that have to be made, diapers that need to be sewn, wraps that need to be made (actually this just gets me excited!), etc etc. But as far as how Tehillah-Violet is doing, its just something I havent been thinking about. I prayed for a long time for this little girl. Even before my husband was aware I wanted another child, God knew, and I have prayer journal entry after entry of my desire for her. God is a good God, and He is most certainly going to be taking care of this child within my womb. Things might not continue to go as smooth as this pregnancy has (and let me tell you its been a much better pregnancy than my last three!), but God is still on His throne, He gave my husband and I this child and knows exactically what is best for her, for us, and has a plan. So I just trust Him in this. And its not something I had to really fight to do. The first 12 weeks or so were hard, and I got depressed, and super stressed, but then something happened and its almost like God said "Enough of this, I got this, and you my dear child are going to be so aware." He totally took the crazy thoughts and refined my attitude that came from God knows where.

1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.


I just find it so amazing what happens when God takes control, when we allow Him to take control. Its phenominal. It really is. The worry, stress and trying to be gods ourselves just dissapears. We dont worry about what people are going to say, even if they are close to us, because we KNOW God has a plan and we are following Him. We know what He has planned is much and far better than what anything else we ourselves or others could come up with.


Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

What I have to hold onto.

Our lives with God is such a journey isnt it?  He promises to lead us, and expects us not to drag Him around.  I feel as though Jesus has become my security blanket, while this could be seen a cute analogy I also feel that I havent put enough trust in where His Spirit guides me sometimes.  Jesus is our comforter, but He is also the one who wants to guide us.  Security blankets dont walk.  And I bet you any money 99 percent of it is my fault. Im not condemming myself or trying to make myself or anyone else feel sorry for me but how often do I allow myself to just realllly let God work.  Not to allow anything else but God to show me the way.  Not google, not a dictionary, not wiki, not facebook, not a person, nothing else but Him. 

My view of Christianity has changed dramatically over my past years of walking with Him.  Not that He has changed, because thats impossible, but I have been learning, unlearning, relearning, and a lot of the times my eyes can go crossed and I end up in tears and if all I can mutter is "I trust you God" than I think Im off to an okay start.  Sometimes I wish that I could say it without the tears, that (and I know it will come) that I just dont even worry about the certain things and say it, without the worry and the stress.. God doesnt want me to worry or stress about anything.  Not one thing.

I have to walk down His path and I have to really trust that where He is going is where He wants me.  I find myself right now with a few things kinda stuck in a fork in the road.  And I am notorious for more times than not to try and make a path through the thick bush on either side.  The path God asks us to take sometimes isn't always easy, but the path He asks me to take is a path that He is on.  When I start climbing through the bush and going off track, its not where He wants me to go, does that mean He isnt there.  I think He is, but its like He's going "ooo Candace, this is going to take a whole lot longer now and going to cause you way much more stress than I had planned for you." 

I am not expected to get it all. When Christ comes back, then it will be perfect.  I know some people say the perfect has come because scripture is complete, but it hasnt come for me yet.  It hasnt come for probably a majority of Christians around the world.  His word is living and He still speaks today.  When He comes back, and we are with Him, then I can say its perfect.  And in the meantime I have to trust Him.  Faith is the strongest five letter word I know. 

Children are a gift. To parent like Christ.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.  ~ Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

I had a discussion earlier this week with someone about how their children have interupted and constantly made difficult their walk with Christ because the children dont act very Christ like sometime... This has been on my heart, it is something that I too am guilty of time to time..most likley its been day to day.  How very easy it is to get angry with our children for being..well children, teenagers, whatever.  How when they are first born we are constantly trying to get them to talk and walk but how alot of the time parents eventually find themselves telling their children to sit down and shut up. 

I am finding it very hard to believe that a gift from the Creator of the universe Himself was given to parents to become a hinderance, an annoyance, or a dissapointment.


He gave us children to love them. 
He gave us children to build generations of followers of Christ. 
To save the lost
To heal the sick.


How can we do that, I speak out to us Christian parents, if we constantly complain about how awful our children are? 


How can we encourage them that they are loved, beautiful creations, when they hear us complain about how much we dislike being their parents?


We all have these days.  I have these days, where Im like "seriously?"  Where I want to just throw in the towel.  Where Im so fed up with how the day is progressing I want to, and generally do moan and groan and woe is me. 


But I laid in bed tonight and this thought of how on earth can these gifts from God be bad? 
Are we rasing our children the way Christ Himself would?  Because to follow Him is to also represent Him.  To allow His Spirit to guide us even in how to handle the three year old throwing a tantrum over not being allowed any more peanut butter. 


Jesus told those around Him to let the little children come to Him. 
We have to let the children come to us. 
We have to let the children come to us, and see Christ through us, so they know how even Christ would react when they would run to Him. 


We need the next generation to be running to Him. We need to be showing them what He looks like. 
We need to represent Him.  This is not just a job for our amazing Sunday school teachers around the world.  Its for the parents.


I have taken a long hard look at the past seven and so years I have been a parent.  A mother to a seven and a half year old daughter, five and three year old boys and another beautiful pink blessing on the way.  I have failed almost daily at representing Christ as a parent.  But it doesn't mean that Gods mercy cant pour out on me tomorrow, even right now.  That I can't pray and call out to Him in each and every single moment from here on in to help me, raise my children with the leading of His Spirit. 

So that they too will do the same for their children.