Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Can You Smell God?


This may sound silly to some, but it made me laugh and smile so hard last night I have to share this moment. 

God is everywhere.  He can make His presence known at the most random times.  It makes me laugh and be joyful because I know its just for me when He shows me huge things in the tiniest situations I could easily over look. 
Last night I was getting ready for bed and our three year old was in our bed.  I lifted him up to carry him, and as I did he stiffened his body, tense, then all of a sudden he cuddled in and inhaled and fell back asleep.  I got him into his bed and as I got my arms free and began to walk away I wondered to myself if he was inhaling so deep to smell me to see if I was Mom or Dad, or a stranger?  Was that inhale a reassurance without opening his eyes that he was in safe arms?  A newborn can smell breastmilk from a nursing mother, babies know from a very early age who their primary caregivers are.  I never really thought about it with older children, but the principal is still there.  Senses are a very powerful thing.  Then I thought about my Caregiver, my Lord and Saviour... Do I recognize God with scent?  Not so much with my nose, but in my heart and spirit.. when He moves I just KNOW its from Him, I just know He is working, teaching, healing, or carrying me closer to Him.  I laughed.  It sounded silly to me but at the same time it was so simple to recognize God in things, and if this was how God wanted me to get it, then it works for me in this moment and I gave Him a thankyou as I giggled.   
I wondered if I have latley just stopped in a "God moment" and just inhaled and said "Thats my God."  When God moves, the "scent" of Him should be more miraculous than anything else I look forward to experiencing- the smell of autumn, the smell of rain - God should give me goosebumps, that sense of awe every time.  The promises of God, His love, His armor, His Word, His grace, His correction, His teaching, guiding, these amazing gifts are something to inhale deep and just thrive on, to crave and to be so very thankful for.  Its a sense I should seek to dig deeper into again.  Something so simple, yet can bring so much peace to a tired Mom.



Monday, May 21, 2012

God is in the messy... Multitudes of Gifts 381-401

After a few weeks of angry, anxious, worrying, being frustrated with God, myself and the entire world, an angry blog post I since deleted because as I read it over and over it just didnt even sound like I wrote it, that some monster inside me wrote this frustrated woe is me post, I stand back up and seek grace.
I have forgotten about grace and love somewhere in the past few weeks.  A dark cloud found me and when it covers me it felt as though nothing good could come through, but that ofcourse is wrong because light is brightest in the dark.  Christ is strongest in our weakness... I need that tattooed on my forehead. 

Come to me all who are burdened... Jesus said that.  I was, and still am burdened with a lot of things I do not need to handle on my own strength, and yet something happens where I revert to that state of worry where my brain wont shut off where Jesus is going "oh for crying out loud give it to me!  Lets work on this together ok." 
We had a service this past Sunday where our pastor was talking about building our foundation on the rock.  And when things go crazy, and the world is caving in, that rock where we build our foundation will make us not shaken.  Well Ive been shaking.  I need to dig deeper into Christ.  I need to remove the soil and dirt that has covered this rock.  The stuff I have thrown on top of Him so I can root deep in Him. 
I see the blessings He gives.  I see the tests and trials I face and while I have faced them before head held high something happened latley that made me shrink back and get afraid.  I can blame it on pregnancy hormones, but this pregnancy too was a total and complete answer to prayer and a complete blessing from God.  I still have a choice to cling to Him and His promises.

I decided to start fresh Monday morning and I would wake up and start searching for His gifts, His grace, His love, His word, singing praises to Him...
A call in early morning stating our five year old (at his grandparents) had heat stroke and was coming home set me in a moment of panic.  We have had a LOT of sickness go through our home in the past months.  Lack of sleep, puking kids, messes everwhere, Im sure takes a toll on a Mother and Father. 
He came in the door fevered, sick, rashed... "I cant find God in all this today! Im not even going to get morning time".  That was the first thought that came into my head.  Then it was like God said-
"Comfort that child as I comfort you.  You will find me in the things you do out of love, the things you do for those who need help.  You know this.  Mothers do this all the time.  These children are blessings and you will find Me through this." 
I forgot how when searching for Gods grace, love and all that is good, I dont have to look hard.  Its in every "Mooommmm" I hear at four in the morning, its in every cool cloth that is placed on a childs forehead and every prayer that is whispered over the tiny bodies that God has entrusted me with.  Its in the simple and messy. 

These are gifts I easily found when I remembered to give thanks...


381-  friends showing up to take a blubbering 29 week pregnant woman for a walk on the bike paths, to speak life into her spirit and tell her it is still okay.
382-  splash pads opening for the season
383-  suntans
384-  picnics with the inlaws
385-  our three year old feeling the baby kicking and being so excited
386-  orchids from my husband and a thankyou card for being a good wife and Mom on a day where I felt like neither
387-  early morning trips to the garden center to buy flowers for the deck
388-  my ever growing womb painted by the children in watercolours
389-  bonfires and smores
390- sitting in church, hearing exactically what I needed to hear, not liking it.  Having God grab hold of my soul and tell me its okay, that this too shall pass and that I was going to be stronger in the end.  I need to start digging through all the soil I have laid down and get back to firmly planting myself on the Rock.
391-  Baseball with family
392-  May two-four BBQ
393-  hostas covered in water drops, looking like jewels in the sun
394-  potty training going well
395-  sprinklers on the grandparents lawn
396-  catepillars on toes
397-  a three year old mooning his uncle because he thinks thats just what he had to do...
398-  solar eclipses
399-  sitting at dusk with my daughter, the sunset beaming through her hair.
400-  breakfast on the deck.
401-  being able to comfort a sick child, even if its been over and over again.  God will give me strength and peace. 

Friday, May 11, 2012

Why are you hating on your church?

I have been reading a few blogs revently from frustrated Christians who are angry within the buildings they worship God.  They are not new believers trying to understand it all, they arent people who have no clue about Jesus or anything along those lines, these are people who have chosen to follow Jesus and have been and understand what He stood for and stands for.   From what I understand we ARE the church, not the building itself, but the building is a place the church comes together to encourage and build up eachother in our faith.  This should not be a place with constant anger stirring up within belivers.  To start hating on a church is to not hate on the walls or the photos on the wall, but the people inside. 

I do first of all want to say that I do firmly believe that God is fully capable and has and will call people out of a church body for His reasons. This has happened to me once, where I wasnt exactly trying to leave a church, but circumstances happened and He placed another church body right in our midst that we knew without a shadow of a doubt was where God wanted us to be.  There were no ill feelings, there was no anger involved, it just happened.  There was a peace that came from it.  No resentment, no eye rolling, just a peace.  I remember when we moved across province we were church searching and there were places we just knew thats not where God wanted us, so we did look at different churches, denominations etc till we found one we felt we were supposed to be at, but we were still only there for a short time till God called us to somewhere else.  These werent vain reasons, this was God telling us flat out "No"

BUT I do think also that God should also be the only one to tell you to leave a church body.  The question I think of is what is it that is causing a person to simply stew in their own anger/boredom  towards their church/denomination/etc  instead of being within that building and surrounded by fellow believers who none are perfect to worship the living God?  There is no perfect church body, there never will be till the day we are all with Jesus celebrating.  I think our goal should never be to find a perfect church, but the body of believers God wants us to be involved in.  There is a church body for everyone.

One thing I know for certain is that it does help to get involved, especailly in bigger churches.  All church bodies need the people to use their talents and gifts within the four walls of the church.  I attended a church for a little under a year that was significatly bigger than the one I came to know Christ in.  While it was overwhelming, I knew that it being overwhelming may not be a good enough reason to leave and find something I was more comfortable with.  So I got involved in small group studies and tried worship there for a bit.  While not all I tried to involve myself in worked, it got me to get to know the fellow brothers and sisters in Christ around me and not feel so shy and overwhelmed.   While its true that we also need the "regulars" of a church to step out and greet the new people ( I think this is very important), new people dont be afraid to step out as well.  Maybe there is not much happening at your church but you'd like to see something happen, like a study or something for the kids.  Maybe thats why God has placed you there, to start those things. 

Do you feel your church isnt feeding you?  Now before you go blaming it on your pastor, remember its not your pastors job to give you revelation Sunday after Sunday - its Gods.  Are you taking your notes, or paying attention, coming home and praying and asking God to teach you about what was spoken about at service that Sunday?  God will show you things about His word you dont understand, but its not soley your pastors job to do this.  Pastors have all different kinds of personalities, maybe the pastors personality doesnt quite click with your ears, but that doesnt mean that God cannot give you revelation.  Bible time doesnt start Sunday and end Sunday.  God is always speaking.  I think people put way too much expectation on their pastors.  They're just human.  Remember its God who gives revelation, and he will do that through Christians, but even if you dont feel you are getting that big "ahha!" revelation every Sunday, dont for a second think its your churches fault.  Make sure you are making an effort to seek God in the word too that is spoken so He can feed you.  We ask Holy Spirit to fill us, not our pastors, decons, teachers etc.   So in essesnse even if you were to find your speaker not quite your jive, know that God will still give you revelation in the end.

Do you have a "beef" with someone?  Now the Bible makes it very clear that we arent to go to bed angry, to stew in our anger and let it become a part of us, so if there is someone within your church body that is making you angry or anything that isnt fruitful, then that needs to be addressed.  Its awful to watch churches split, agrue, and have any sort of resentment towards others in the body.  It needs to be taken care of.   This could be the church body you need to be a part of, and hatred and all the other traits of the enemy's tricks can prevent Gods work to happen through you.  The Bible warns of divisions in the church.  We are warned, so when we see it happening, or are a part of it, then we should be praying and acting to make it change.  

Maybe your church is teaching things that clearly arent Biblical? I know denominations may approach "church" differently and Im not really speaking of that, Im not a denomination hater at all, but maybe you do have a huge issue with things that genuinley need addressing?  Then address them.  Pray, seek God and if God says go then go.  But its scary to think that the issue is never addressed.   I think it would be devistating if no one ever spoke up about a church that was teaching something that clearly isnt scriptural (ex: the Easter Bunny and Jesus are the same thing, corney I know, but just for example) and no one ever approached that it was wrong.  It doesnt mean you have to run in protesting and screaming "LIES!" but something needs to be said.  And if the church says "no you're wrong" when God has shown you what He's put on your heart to be right, then I think its safe to say you go.
Think about it-  the church building is a place you go to be surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ to come together and worship JESUS!!! We shouldnt be dragging our feet in there going "oh..yay..church time."  We should be jumping out of bed going "YAY CHURCH TIME!" and if you are like me you add a big ol "WHEEEE" to the end (I really do love my church family near and far! )   Church buildings are not the only place we worship, we should worship Jesus 24/7 but it is wonderful to gather with fellow believers to celebrate.
I think the world has enough haters of the church we dont need them inside, and maybe like I said you are genuinly not supposed to be in that church family and God is calling you somewhere else, but please let it be His will and not your will that you want to leave.  Make sure that the intentions are genuine and not happening because the enemy has tried to rip you out of a place God wants you or your flesh wants out of because of wordly reasons.  Get what Im trying to say here?  Church buildings are emptying faster and faster each day because Gods children cant always seem to get along and decide instead of thinking "what would Jesus do?" they do what the world says to do and thats to get angry, roll our eyes, gossip, hate, complain and every other thing that should just not be in a Christians vocabulary and run for the door.  This is the enemy doing a fine job at ripping apart congregations that could have done amazing advancement for Gods kingdom.  This is a perfect example and it happens far to often.  So I guess in the end I wanted to write this so that I could say that I really think it needs to be God that places you somewhere, not ourselves.  It may not look like what we thought it was to look like, but its where God wants us, for this time in our lives, and when we are where God wants us, then God will use it to his perfect plan and it will do amazing things for you, and/or the people around you. 

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Understanding God will be my comfort in childbirth








We are hitting our last trimester... Where did the time go.  In the words of my friend Daisy Im going to need my own postal code soon, I feel this little girl is running out of room in there, Im starting to see elbows poking out and you can really feel her kick.  Its a truly amazing blessing to feel a life growing inside you.  I have very much enjoyed carrying this girl, and as she begins to get bigger and we hit the home stretch of only 12 more weeks (which will happen super fast Im sure), I realize that the time for birth is coming soon. 


I started looking into water births yesterday.  Started to talk to moms who have been there about the pros and the cons.  Started reading lots and lots.  The cons started to outweigh the pros in our case.  Would there be room in our house for a birthing tub? (We are planning to have her at home)  Would there be time?  Is it what I really really want to do?  "Birthing plans"  can be overwhelming.  This labour will be different because it is a new experience, a new birth.  My three previous births were all very different from eachother.  A Mother can never fully prepare for labour, and Im sure it never ever goes 100% according to the plan.  But I cant help but try and figure it out. 

 

So then I laid in bed, almost stressed out about this birth and it was like God said "You have allowed me to take care of this pregnancy thus far, I will take care of your labour as well."

And the more I think about it, I dont want to make anything other than God my comfort measure, my "epidural" my "birthing tub".  There is no subsitute for God.  He is our comforter, our provider, our sheild.  He's madly in love with His children and ofcourse that means even during birth!  For myself and this child inside, He is fully capable of taking control. 

So I begin approaching this different. I planned on having worship music playing, Scripture near by and in my heart, definatly prayer, but these things I never put in the place of PRIORITY during birth.  Up until last night they were secondary.  But God wants to be first.

He wants me to seek Him continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says Search the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him (NLT).  That means all the time.  Even during contractions, during transition, during things that may go wrong.  To never panic

(Philippians 4:6-7), or feel as if I cannot do it, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

I understand Gods power, I understand what He has poured out for me, and that Holy Spirit dwells within me and I have the ability to approach God with anything.  He see's the begining to the end.  There are no surprises.  He's already gotten it all under His control.  He is bigger.  It all comes down to trust.

So this is where I put down my stress about birth, about how its going to go down.  What position I wanna be in, where I wanna be in the home, and lay this birth down at God's feet, like I did with the pregnancy and say "have Your way Lord."  24 hours of stressing out about a birth I ultimatly in the end have little control over was 24 hours too long.  Time to shift it over to the One who gave birth to the entire universe, and allow Him to comfort me while brining Tehillah into the world. 

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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

"It Takes a Village" - Guest post

I only have come to know Heathers story most recently.  She is a six year mesothelioma cancer survivor whos goal is to provide unending inspiration to those dealing with mesothelioma.  Her story of surviving cancer is something that too is very recently close to our home.  It seems everyone these days is effected by cancer in one way or another.   Her post here today speaks volumes as well of how a community of people, is so essential in facing anything.  I know many times I have been very thankful God has placed a wonderful community of people around me to support me and my family through times where we simply couldn't do it on our own.
Read more: http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/heather/bio.htm#ixzz1uCtUVhkY



"It Takes a Village" by Heather Von St James. 


"It takes a village." That phrase gets said often when you become a parent. When my daughter was born on August 4th, 2005 after an uneventful pregnancy, I thought I understood what that phrase meant. After all, I was surrounded by our little "village" of friends and family after Lily was born. Little did I know how much I would truly come to understand what a "village" actually meant.

About a month after I returned to work, I began to experience a series of worrying symptoms. I felt breathless, tired and without energy. These things could be blamed simply on being a new mom, but I had this nagging feeling that this couldn’t just be attributed to returning to work and being busy with my baby. I paid a visit to my doctor just to put my mind at ease. Unfortunately, I was right. There was something more.

On November 21, 2005, the doctor diagnosed me with malignant pleural mesothelioma. Apparently, the symptoms I was experiencing were symptoms of mesothelioma. It is a cancer of the lung lining caused by asbestos exposure I had experienced 30 years before when I was a child. I thought more of my baby than of myself once I received my diagnosis. Lily was only three and a half months old, and I was given 15 months to live. I knew if I wanted to survive to see my little girl grow up, I needed to do whatever it took to beat the cancer. Mesothelioma cancer is difficult to defeat, so my husband and I agreed that we needed to take the most aggressive treatment measures.

I had a surgery called extrapleural pneumenectomy in which my left lung was removed on February 2nd in Boston. I spent 18 days in the hospital and another two months recovering before I started chemotherapy and radiation. Had it not been for the love and support of my village, we never would have made it through. After my diagnosis, people that I never expected stepped forward to lend support to me and my little family. Other people that I was sure I could depend on fled from me. My cancer diagnosis made it very clear who was really in my village... and who was not.

While I was undergoing treatment in Boston, Lily stayed with my parents in South Dakota. They had their own little village offering them support and help as they transitioned from being grandparents to Lily’s full-time caregivers. Girls I babysat as a teenager volunteered to watch Lily while my parents worked. The community I grew up in surrounded my parents as they took on the difficult task of raising my daughter while I fought for my life all the way across the country.

In Boston, we formed friendships with others going through the same thing we were. The exchange of love and support with the people around us helped us get through the challenges of the treatment plan. Meanwhile, Lily was learning how to eat table food, roll and scoot. I only got to view these milestones through grainy black and white photos that my husband printed off. I shared my pride in my little girl’s triumphs with the nurses even as I fought my tears. I was missing so much, but I knew that she was the reason I was undergoing these drastic measures. I may miss these milestones, but I didn’t want to miss her wedding day or graduation.

Lily thrived with my parents. They retain the strong bond forged during those months even to this day. As a family, we embrace life now that we know just how fragile it really is. Cancer was one of the worst things to happen to me, but also one of the best. It shows me who my village was and just how much I could rely on them in my time of greatest need.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Spontaneous Sunday Morning Baptism.

Sunday April 22/2012 my husband Dylan and I woke up to a fevered three yr old. I was to teach the young kids at church so I needed to be there so my husband stayed home... For the first time I think in a long time ( has he ever missed a service since following Christ?) I got to the Sanctuary Church on Kipps Lane, set up, chatted with some friends, went to the meeting then headed back to the kids room. Shortly afterwards our pastors wife tells me to run as fast as I can to catch up with her husband (Pastor Jamie) outside. I go (I waddle my prengnat body across the parking lot as fast as I can!), and Pastor Jamie and some other guys from our church were in the car and they told me to get in.  I had no idea what was going on.  "Your husband just texted me and said he was reading the word this morning and God told him he wont advance in his walk with Him if he doesnt get baptized."  Says our pastor.  I got so excited.  I almost swore in my pastors vehicle... I was in shock.  My husband had talked about being baptized a few times but "wasnt quite there yet."  He's been chasing after Jesus for about a year now, diving right in, its been awesome to watch. I wish he could tell you this in his own words, perhaps someday he will.  I would just have loved to be in his mind as he sat there that morning reading scripture.  To be in that moment where things shifted.  I love Jesus.  Dylan thought hard about being baptized in Rwanda when they were to go, but it had been postponed now till November.  Our next baptism service isnt until next month.  He was told to "fill his tub".  What I love about our church family was there was no need to wait for a month, if God wanted it done, and Dylan wanted it done, it was getting done by golly if it  meant a 6 foot 2 man was being baptized in our little tub down the street a half hour before service.  It reminded me of in Acts 8 where Philip was with the Eunuch who just heard the good news of Jesus-

(26) As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, “Look, here is water. What can stand in the way of my being baptized?” And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him.

(I get so excited just thinking about that moment too!)

We all squeeze into our tiny bathroom (and oh how thankful I was that I cleaned it the night before.)  I was so excited all I could do was giggle. 

With our dear friend Mike in the tub with him, our Pastor, our two older children and I squeezing in, Joel in the hallway, and Nick standing bravley on our toilet to film, my husband was baptized. 



Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A different pregnancy.

There is something about this pregnancy. Dont look at me like Im a horrible Mother when I say this but I really haven't been concerned for this little girl inside me. This isnt because I dont care because I do, but I have totally left her in Gods hands that I dont worry about her. Now I still have days where I worry about organizing something, or little things like purchases that have to be made, diapers that need to be sewn, wraps that need to be made (actually this just gets me excited!), etc etc. But as far as how Tehillah-Violet is doing, its just something I havent been thinking about. I prayed for a long time for this little girl. Even before my husband was aware I wanted another child, God knew, and I have prayer journal entry after entry of my desire for her. God is a good God, and He is most certainly going to be taking care of this child within my womb. Things might not continue to go as smooth as this pregnancy has (and let me tell you its been a much better pregnancy than my last three!), but God is still on His throne, He gave my husband and I this child and knows exactically what is best for her, for us, and has a plan. So I just trust Him in this. And its not something I had to really fight to do. The first 12 weeks or so were hard, and I got depressed, and super stressed, but then something happened and its almost like God said "Enough of this, I got this, and you my dear child are going to be so aware." He totally took the crazy thoughts and refined my attitude that came from God knows where.



1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.


I just find it so amazing what happens when God takes control, when we allow Him to take control. Its phenominal. It really is. The worry, stress and trying to be gods ourselves just dissapears. We dont worry about what people are going to say, even if they are close to us, because we KNOW God has a plan and we are following Him. We know what He has planned is much and far better than what anything else we ourselves or others could come up with.


Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.