Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Awaiting and A Hope

We have two weeks to go till my due date.  I'm 38 weeks today.

While last week my mind was filled with anxiousness, tiredness and even just days ago I could honestly say "I'm done being pregnant."

Today I woke up with a peace.  I'm still a sweaty hot mess, 213 pounds of pregnant hormones,  I felt God's presence telling me I need to be patient.

I thought back to my other labors... trying to prepare.  I honestly do not remember how it felt.  I know I was in pain... but I cant remember the pains intensity anymore.  God assures me this is a good sign.  I can do it again.  I remember my pregnancy woes way more than my labor woes.  I am the type of person who would rather deliver a baby weekly than carry nine months that's for sure.  But God also assures me that I made it with the other children who were all late, I will make it this time too, late or not.

We tested and timed the pumping and filling of the "lobster shark pool" as its been named in our house for the water birth I hope to have.  20 minutes from deflated to "climb in and try and relax".   My youngest boy watched as we filled it up and asked me if I wanted to play with toys in there.  "Baby out today?"  I assured him no, but he wasn't satisfied with that so I told him it was just too hot (It was 47 C with the humidity).  That seemed to work.

I know God is going to be my comfort during this labor... and that has to as well mean the days up to the big day.  I have to trust His timing in it.  With my other pregnancies I remember doing the evening primrose oil, raspberry leaf tea etc to try and make sure my kids came on time (two were around 10 days late).  This time while the temptation is there, I keep saying "no" because I really want God to have all the control in this.  I wonder if I will have that kind of self control if she decides to come late?

Tonight as I was cleaning up the kitchen I was having mild contractions, something I'm accustomed too, been having them for weeks.  But for the first time I thought "How wonderful of God to give us signs that birth is coming"... maybe not within the next few days, or weeks even, but that its coming.  That my body is preparing for our fourth child's arrival.  A woman's body does wild things in preparation for childbirth, aches and pains and hormonal messes, but they are truly all signs that my body is doing something extra ordinary.  It is a blessing to be able to carry a child and also to matter how it looks.  I think now too, that each contraction, regardless if it is "practice" or not, is a chance to focus on God and pray.  That each day that passes and I don't give birth, is a chance to trust once again in Him.  

I have an amazing support system, and I am thankful for all the prayers and spiritual advice I have received.  Constant reminders that the Great I Am is on my side.  That I just have to keep focused on Him because He will do what is best... and when I have a hormonal meltdown perhaps within the next few days... refer me to this blog please! HA HA HA!

Embracing Jesus - Cleansing the Temple John 2:13-25

The Passover of the Jews was near, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.   And He found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers seated at their tables.  And He made a scourge of cords, and drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables;  and to those who were selling the doves He said, “Take these things away; stop making My Father’s house a place of business.”  His disciples remembered that it was written, “ Zeal for Your house will consume me.”   The Jews then said to Him, “ What sign do You show us as your authority for doing these things?”  Jesus answered them, “ Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”   The Jews then said, “It took forty-six years to build this temple, and will You raise it up in three days?” But He was speaking of the temple of His body. So when He was raised from the dead, His disciples remembered that He said this; and they believed the Scripture and the word which Jesus had spoken.
Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He was doing.  But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man.  John 2:13-25

I chewed on this for a long time.  My initial impressions of this passage were rather negative in regards to our churches today and I wasn't sure I agreed with what I was first feeling, so I let it be as I promised myself I would and waited till I was sure.
There are a lot of churches that are taking this passage seriously in my eyes.  There are a lot of churches that are not using their buildings as a place of business but a place of Christ.  We are the church and our bodies are His temple.  The buildings the body of Christ fellowships in are being used to reach out to their communities, to the lost, those who need help.  They are not interested on what they look like on the inside, they spend little on appearance and pump out what is brought in to help those who truly need it.   We cannot use our churches as a place of personal gain, and I honestly haven't been in a church that has.  Praise God.

When Jesus is showing His authority all I can think of in this instance is "truth".  Jesus always does what He says He is going to do.  He was talking about His body being raised up in three days... and it happened.  

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The urgency to tell

This blog post may come way to early and pain may still be fresh for some after yesterday, however I believe the issue at hand is vital.

I received a text message last night, telling me a girl we went to high school with had died unexpectedly.  I don't know details and to be quite honest I do not remember the girl all too well.  But God still created her. Her life, like anyone else on this earth is important.  She was created by God for a purpose.

I had gone onto her Facebook page to see if I could recognize her, and while the face wasn't grasping my mind, the post below did.  Beautiful wonderful posts saying that people would see her in Heaven one day, that she was another angel added to the masses of wonderful ones already there.  Lots of hearts and tears and wonderful wonderful prayers out to her family and friends.  She was someone who was loved, by many people here and by Christ Himself.

But as I laid in bed last night this unsettling feeling started to sink and I started to feel really upset and torn and I do not know what else.  God was not letting this go for me.

You see, will all these people truly see her again one day in Heaven?  Are they saved?  Do they KNOW Christ and follow Him?

The thing that I felt God really wanted to show me last night is how much the world believes that its a one way ticket into the gates of Heaven.  That we all waltz in because we do good.  Christ said its not by works that we are saved, but by believing and trusting in Him.  I hear it everyday, but it never really hit me like it did last night.  The fact is, in Christianity the rule is "You have Christ, or you don't get in."  Blunt yes.  But if you read your Bible, Jesus was pretty blunt about it too.  Actually reading Matthew last night gave me a good understand on how blunt Jesus was.  Not in an angry bitter way, but He didn't beat around the bush.

So why do so many of us not feel that there is a STRONG urgency to be making sure people get this.  Especially ones who do claim to love Jesus?  I'm not saying to go with a megaphone and start yelling at people to repent, but when opportunity knocks to share, why are we so afraid too?  This is VITAL.  This is peoples eternity. 

He is the Alpha and Omega.  The Beginning and the End.  He's the edges, middle, circumference, outside, inside, every particle of it is Him.  There is no room for anything else because He never made room for anything else.  There is no room to be saved by your works or good deeds (while He does ask us to do them for Him, to be His hands and feet and we are rewarded) because He didn't make room for that.  Its just HIM.  So therefore, we need to have Him, in order to be able to spend eternity with Him as His intended creation.  Not angels- because we don't become them either when we get to Heaven, they are an entire different creation to begin with- but to become spotless and blameless and just loved loved loved as He loves each and every one of us now.  Its going to be a time of beauty, wonderful praise and joy.  But our relationship with Christ cannot start once we are there, because then its too late, it needs to start now, while we have to option to decided yes or no.  And I have not in a long time felt just how urgent it is.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Multitudes of Gifts 446-459

Im so behind in my 1000 gifts, they happen, they have most likely soared over 1000 by now.   I started this list weeks ago, and finally coming to sit and continue.

446- bbq's with church family
447- feeling Gods total and absolute presence during worship
448- Unborn child spoken over. "Order.  Theres an army rising up"-  so very interested in what this child is going to do in the world when she makes her appearance
449- face painting
450- complete meltdowns by three year olds that cause a very pregnant mother to carry him home and cause her back to go out, because even in this God was there and He showed me things...mostly about my patience. LOL
451- children on a two week journey to my Mothers, lots of fun to be had, safe return
452-  getting last minute details done for this miss to make her arrival in August
453-  beach trips with inlaws and cousins.  Port Stanley and Grand Bend for the first time for myself.  Beautiful days
454-  Sunfest on a Saturday with my husband.  A beautiful day. so much food!!
456-  dress up with a darling wee girl
457-  crochet baby headbands
458-  deep deep discussions with people about Christ.  Some really hard, some really easy
459-  free yarn
460-  farmers markets
461-  new crib mattress
462-  birthing tub purchased.  I FIT! LOL
463-  ladies Bible Study.
464-  7 year old daughters eye for photography.  She only asks for a snow cone for payment.  Saving me hundreds this month! LOL
465-  Worship with other churches in London in Springbank Park.  Beautiful three hours of dancing and singing, sending praises to God Most High!
457-  stolen wallet.  Thankful nothing else was stolen and that things can be replaced
458-  rainfall much needed.
459-  a comfortable happy big baby in my belly.  Midwife thinks she's not going to come before her due date.  Anxious to see how big she will be.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

what I learned while my children were gone.

My children, all three of them, left at the end of June to go on a two week vacation with my Mother and her husband to the Ottawa Valley to their home so my husband and I could get some relaxation time and prepare for Miss. Tehillah-Joy.  We got a lot accomplished, as well as had many days of relaxation, beach, dinner, festivals and movies.

But it was like daily a piece of me was missing, like someone had taken off an arm of mine or something..that body part Mothers don't realize they have till its cut off.  Our kids.

While it was a bitter-sweet few weeks, it was quiet, no fighting, no five am wake ups etc... it was still beyond hard at times and quite honestly there wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't think of them.

There was a desperation almost in my heart... and as I laid there in bed one of the nights feeling a little lost I realized this must be how God feels towards His children who have yet to come to Him or who have gone away.  Or the ones who (like me at times) only trust Him with certain things but have yet to let go, or forget to give things to Him.

God created us not because He needed us, but because He wants us.  He wants to shower us with love and show us the greatest relationship we could ever have.  He gets excited to help us and have fellowship with us.  Not one of us does He not want to love on, share with and provide for.  He wants to teach us and show us easier ways to live- through His Son.   So many times we struggle and struggle and feel as though things aren't going our way, but I feel as though Holy Spirit is just swirling going "Let Me in and let Me help you!  You were not created to handle this on your own.  I wanna help you, it would be My pleasure!"

And not for just five minutes, or trial to trial but in every. single. thing.  While following Christ may not always be easy, how it feels sometimes we are swimming against the current, having Holy Spirit in your heart gives you the courage and strength to do it because you know where He is taking you always ends up in the perfect place when you look back.

and Oh, how His arms are always open to those who run to Him.  I did and do crazy things time to time and when I humbled myself enough to know that my ways are not the best way (most times! LOL) He was there to take me up on His lap and say "Lets try it this way.  Watch and see."

Its almost like He whispers it to me like a Father whispers to His child "Wanna go have icecream?"  ... my husband will do this when we are going to go out for a treat to our sons, our three year old especially, and its so quiet, but so blunt and powerful to him and the smile starts and the giggles start and he jumps up and is so ready to go.  That's how I feel when I feel the presence of God ready to start something.  When that light bulb comes on you cant help but giggle.  When you feel that stirring and you cant help but smile and praise Him.  He smiles too in this.  I promise it.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The label has to point to Him...

This has been stirring in my heart for a few weeks.

I dont know how to let this flow, but I know that when I worship He flows through me.  When I am focused on Jesus, when I call upon His name, when He becomes my focus, things are perfect.  I have come to a point, when I am so very confident I never ever want to be identified as anything else than a child of God.

Its easy for people to become labeled.  I have been labeled as someone with depression, with anxiety.  I have been identified as a "libra", I have been identified as "barefoot gypsy mamma" a "babywearer" a "natural birth extended breastfeeding mom"...

How easy it is for someone to fall into a trap when they are diagnosed with something to feed constantly into the sickness.  When I was told I had PPD years ago, it was beyond easy enough to use that as an excuse to do nothing, and to feel sorry for myself.  To take it easy.  While yes I needed to heal... I also needed to remember that Jesus is my King.  I am a princess of God!  Now that should have put a smile on my face, but some people told me that only my "happy pills" were going to make me smile.  I began to identify myself as a person with an illness and not a conqueror in Christ.

It has been easy for me to be fed into societies opinion on whats important.  For years I figured because I was a "libra" I had to act a certain way so people would know "what my sign was".  Thats why I 'love to shop" ( I HATE SHOPPING!) 

How easy it could be because I am someone who enjoys nature, who loves to knit, felt and run around barefoot to fall into an image and feel guilty if I don't live up to it one day.  *Gasp* , if I don't wear a twirly long tie dye skirt one day would people think I was not truly a crunchy mamma? If I decided to stick my kid in a wagon one day instead of wearing him or her in a wrap, and seen a fellow babywearer... I would feel such frustration that I couldnt express I was a babywearer too.  Woe is me...

Im not saying that any of these things are wrong, these are my interests, and they are placed in my heart from God but I am starting to realize I dont nessesarily want these to be the parts of my life that everyone identifies me with at first glance. 

As a disciple of Christ my actions and words should represent Him THEN my hobbies etc.  Not the other way around. 

I heard a man say a few weeks ago to someone else "don't feed into this" (speaking on an illness).
That really stuck with me.

How much do even Christians feed into that isn't from God.  How much of the world do we attach to ourselves for ourselves?  Im not saying that all Christians need to look a certain way or whatever, Im not talking about modesty or fish net stockings here Im talking about how the world perceives us.  I think I am starting to realize how much more important it is for people to say "oh she loves Jesus."  Even if its in a sarcastic "I cant believe she's like that now" tone than it is for someone to say "oh shes a babywearer, breastfeeding mom, granola type girl."

This can even go as far as doctrine or denomination.  I dont want to even be labled by someone who goes to a specific church denomination or non denomination.  I just. dont. care.  what church you go too as long as you are following Jesus.  When people ask me what type of church do I go to I say "one that preached Jesus Christ."  And thats all there should be to it. 

The label has to point to Him for me.  Im so crazy in love with this God who decided to pour His love out for me, so why would I want to represent anything else more so than Him?