“Do not say that it is impossible to receive the Spirit of God. Do not say that it is possible to be made whole without Him. Do not say that one can possess Him without knowing it. Do not say that God does not manifest Himself to man. Do not say that men cannot perceive the divine light, or that it is impossible in this age! Never is it found to be impossible, my friends. On the contrary, it is entirely possible when one desires it” (Hymn 27, 125-132)
- St. Symeon
I have searched for God while He has guided me. I trust Him to show me when things are right and when things are wrong. I have felt awakened by God but it doesn't mean I don't go through times of not so much doubt, but desiring and craving more. Where what I have is not enough. Christ is enough, but to desire Him more closely. If Jesus was a drug I most certainly am addicted. I have opened my mind to others opinions on Him. I have read every red letter in my Bible, I have read countless of peoples desire to be closer to Him. I have read the gnostic writings (although I didn't agree with a lot of them but still gained an understanding on what they believe and could probably carry a conversation with one who believes this way now). I have tried to gain and understanding of Him through the eyes of so many. In the end it is Him that satisfies my soul. He pours out His love and I can say it is well. He always just brings me to Himself. All the knowledge in the world, will never amount to knowing Him personally.
When I have a question about God, I seek Him more. I seek Him in the strangest of places. He is always waiting for me there.
I couldn't write out my theory of how to approach God, or what my firm beliefs on how to interpret the Bible are. I desire to understand Hebrew and Greek. Its on my bucket list. I am fascinated with the studies of original writings. I find the language to be beautiful and I respect it highly. I cannot identify myself in a certain denomination or non denomination of Christians. I see beauty in all of the churches. I find absolute beauty in the tradition of the Catholic church, the knowledge and understanding of Scripture from the Baptists I have been in fellowship with. I find such awe of the love for Christ that the Christian Mystics have, I have a deep understanding towards the gatherings of Christians who meet in their homes, in their backyards, in their gardens. Holy Spirit guiding in many forms to bring us closer to Jesus Christ our God.
I keep most of my study time with God to myself. I am afraid to share a lot of the times what I search and discover, what I find truth in. I don't think anything that I find to go against Christian beliefs, but I guess my fear of man still hasn't fully vacated this vessel. All I know that the more I peel apart and the more I seek the more I love God. I sometimes share the end result, but the way I come to the end result during these times of picking apart the entire universe I think I sometimes hide. I have shared before, and been put down because how I interpreted a moment in my walk with Christ was not how someone has interpreted or known as okay... does this make sense? Has anyone else had this happen? I have been terrified to experience God in certain ways because I have been afraid of what people think...
But I question that tonight because if how we have discovered or how Christ has shared something with us is hidden, someone else who is seeking Christ the same way might be afraid to share as well.
Where am I going with this... I honestly am not really sure, this is probably going to be a lot of rambling. Just my heart tonight. .. had a bad day and in the end realized going to God with it at probably around five would have been a lot better than at 9... when I pour out my heart finally to Him and He pours His love out on me... after a few hours of complaining to the entire atmosphere that life totally has sucked today...
Seeking Christ. ... I wanna scream dont let any man or woman tell you you are doing it wrong. Ofcourse there are teachers and pastors and leaders who can help guide you but always remember Jesus said HE is the way... so seek Him. Seek the Kingdom of God... seek His opinion. Call upon His Spirit. Holy Spirit will guide you through a whirlwind of awesomeness. Don`t let people take your testimony of what He shows you. Get into the Bible, get Him to open it up to you to more than just a old book with stories in it. Before the Bible was so boring to me, now words jump off the pages. Dont expect your friends who aren`t following God to understand either. They are going to think you are nuts. Let them, and pray that God will open their eyes too. And Thank God everyday for what He shows you. When a scripture pops up and says just what you needed to hear thank and praise Him. When you feel His presence while listening to a song, thank Him. When (this ones for me) you feel the most amazing breeze hit your face just right and you just feel such a peace thank Him. When someone speaks words of life to you, and prays with you, and shares their testimony with you, thank Him.
Embrace your walk with Him because He is embracing His walk with you.
He is loving when you have your ``ah ha`moments about Him. He probably laughs right along with you and says `I KNEW she`d love that!` He loves when we come to Him with our stuff. He loves to love on you.
God longs to just love on you and teach you things and show you things and make you smile. He does take us through the valleys but remember during those times He is still there and He still encourages and loves on us (even when you wanna pull your hair out.)
And if you don`t know how.. pray... that is the `how` I think. Call out to Christ. Seek and you shall find...