Thursday, June 30, 2011

unforced rhythms of grace ~ No shipping and handling fee's

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rythms of grace

  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt 11:28-30 (MSG)

 Bare with me here, these thoughts are just pouring into me as I write this.
When I first read Matthew 11 in the Message I chucked because it almost sounds like a late night infomercial.  Could you see Jesus, acting like Vince from ShamWow, saying "Its only for a limited time ... I cant do this all day!"  (and yet have you noticed Vince has been doing that for years now? *grin*)
Could you see Jesus walking down the green screen "beach" talking about the freedom He gives us when we trust in Him?  Im just giggling as I write this, as serious as the topic is- salvation- God has given me these thoughts tonight I think to give me a chuckle after a long day.

In a way this statement makes sense, It is only for a limited time- only while we walk this Earth does Christ promise this 'recovering of our life'.  Its not like we are going to be able to say to God "Im sorry" while we are facing Him in judgement and havent accepted Christ as our Savior.  Think He's going to be like "oh okay if you are sorry then come on in even though you denied my Son your whole life?"

Thats not how this works.

Christ does "do this all day" though, He seeks us out. His Spirit calls to us gently.  Some people feel God for the first time and say "what is happening to me! Why am I feeling this way!"  The first time I felt God I bawled like a baby, it was tears of so many emotions, it was amazing.  Some people dont know what to do with that, do we go with the flow or return it and ask for a refund because its just "not the way people do things anymore."  Theres no small print, God gave us His word to tell us how it is.  Theres no `catch`` God craves a relationship with all of us.  His "infomercial" is in the Bible, His Spirit is the one who delivers this love right to your heart, removing your sin free of charge and replacing it with Holy Spirit. 
I heard Francis Chan once say:

"Its not Jesus plus good works, plus rituals.  Its just Jesus alone. Its not Jesus OR something else, God provided one way to spend friendship with him forever. The God of the universe is crazy about you and screaming out for your attention so dont just walk away and go back to your routine, this could be the greatest day of your life. Stop and have faith. "

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Why I read the Bible...

                                                                              So since I have started this journey with this Walking with Him Wednesday's  I have talked about how I journal sometimes to speak to God, and how I love His creation.  Today I would like to talk about why I read the Bible because this I believe is very important for walking with God. 

I believe the Bible is the very breath of God.  This means that God divinely influenced the writers of the original writings of this amazing book. 

2 Timothy 3:16–17 (ESV)
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

I have been asked rightly "How do you know that its true? You were not there.  The people translating it today were not there."

And they are right, but our God was there, from the begining of time, and I choose to trust Him that this Book is the one we are to follow to understand what He sounds like, what He talked about, and what He taught while He walked with us on Earth among other things as well. 

Its a BIG book.  I havent read all of it, but I hunger to read it, to hear the accounts, to learn His ways. Its not an inconvinence to read scripture each day.  Its something I feel honored to do.

We are reading GOD here! 

I dont always understand some of the things He did, I havent always been the biggest fan of Bible study in the beginning I'll admit, but the more and more I hunger to learn more about our amazing God, the more and more I want to make sure I understand it right.  I dont want to pick and choose scripture just to suit my fancy.  I dont want to just be able to say "and He said Love eachother and a bunch of other stuff"... I want to fully understand it.  I want to have "a-Ha!" moments. I want to hear God speak to me through the pages, and oh, the days He does its just so beautiful. 

There is so much good stuff to chew on in there!  There is some scary stuff too.  Stuff that at first glance makes you cringe and say "why God, why on Earth would You let this happen?"  But the more and more I learn, through study, and read and soak it all in I start to understand things. 

Reading in the Old Testament on the ways things occured before God walked along this Earth, to understand the history, where we all come from!  I have been just really enjoying the Old Testament latley!

Getting goosebumps while reading the New Testament and how God..can you believe this!! GOD came and walked like us, felt pain like us, HEALED us, SHARED with us, SERVED us, and DIED for us. All documented, all so we could see what He was like, and come to a relationship with Him.  I cannot thank Him enough!  And to learn about what He freely gave to us when we put our trust in Him...His Spirit... its amazing! 

The more and more I read I understand. He gave us this Book, so we could understand what He really sounds like against the world- against the ways of Christ.  It is all we need. It is enough.  I have a shelf of books, self help, how to draw closer to God, what to do when books which are all amazing...

yet this one is enough.  If all books in my house were to be burned but one, this is the one I would keep.  And I want to understand it, memorize parts of it, chew on it, praise God for it, discuss it, share it, give it, live it.  

Monday, June 27, 2011

When I cant handle things

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8 NIV)

When way to much news comes into light, even if it all seems a bit "not such a big deal" to some, something in my heart is aching to fix everything.. all at once.   My mind never stops spinning. 

Its those things where I know only God can help me though, put the right people in my life, and the right words from Him. 

These are the tough moments, the moments I know God has permitted to happen, a challenge to make me keep my eyes on HIM and not to have a nervous breakdown.  I need to thank Him even in these moments because even they too have a purpose for His perfect will. 
Its the moments where I cant get my brain to stop spinning and turning. Its the moments where I even turn to my husband and he goes "seriously these things arent that big of a deal." And I say "well my brain sure thinks so!" 

I wanna make things right, no one to be offended, peace all around, no anger,

I fear confrontation.

Its in that kind of moment I need to surrender to Christ, coming off a weekend of a huge Spiritual high and ask myself, do I allow this to completly rip me from clinging to Christ's feet or do I cling tighter, cry and soak in His love.  

Soaking soaking soaking in His truth and His love, His grace, allowing time to listen to Him, waiting for those words that say

"even when you think that in those moments that I dont have control, I do."

Im just so greatful in this moment, I am learning to quicker and quicker to allow Him to tell me this because to be honest sometimes I dont let my mind stop obsessing long enough for God to get a word in edgewise.  

"With all your heart  you must trust the LORD and not your own judgment. Always let Him lead you, and He will clear the road for you to follow. " (Proverbs 3:5-6 CEV)

“Do not be anxious about any thing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV).

 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him” (1 John 5:14-15 NIV).


Multitudes of gifts #37-70

#37 - moss and bare toes
#38 - ceiling fans blowing gently in the supermarket
#39-  toddlers falling asleep outdoors
#40-  planting hostas as the sun tucks itself in for the night on the longest day of the year
#41-  Midnight laughter with my husband
#42-  Psalm 119 while sitting on the deck, wind blowing, night falling
#43-  our 8 year old husky still acting like a puppy
#44-  potty training, slow and steady
#45-  My mother in laws banana bread
#46-  midnight thunderstorms
#47-  moss growing up a tree

#48- stray kitties sleeping in our garden
#49- sharing between neighbours

#50-  new summer dresses
#51- Avon calling (Thankyou Daisy!)

#52- Steaming cup of coffee
#53- curtains dancing with the wind
#54-  cinnamon rolls rising...
#55- puddle splashing
#56- mud fights
#57- shuffling toddler feet across the kitchen floor, bowl full of pasta in hand. 
#58-  the shadows of tall trees
#59- the sound of dinner simmering
#60- babies bum scooting across floors
#61- babies peeking into Mothers rubber boots
#62- Fiesta nights with children laughing

#63- balloon animals
#64- Grand Openings of parks
#65- outreach for Christ
#66- time spent with cousins
#67- laughter, uncontrollable laughter
#68- backyards
#69- God Mothers
#70- middle of the night phonecalls with friends

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Join the Applause!

This morning I stumbled across this amazing idea called "Join the Applause" Founded May 31st 2011, it is a global movement of gratitude directed at God.  "gratitude changes everything"  It is "simply a catalyst to encourage people to learn more about God through what has been created." 

God reveals Himself to people through what He created.  As my readers and friends know, Im big on discovering Gods creation and praising Him for all of it, its beauty, strength. Its awe.  When I seen that there is a movement started to just totally give God praise for His creation, I got very excited!

Psalms 19:1-2 says "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge"

Romans 1:20 "for since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse"

Join The Applause should be something done everyday as the creators of this group have also stated, but they have made the last Saturday in June "Applause Day."
Its a day to go outside and explore God's creation. A day to ponder, appreciate, and respond appropriately to God by Joining the Applause to Him for all that has been created.  A day to explore, a night to celebrate. The applause begins at sunset in the first time zone- New Zeland, and follows the sunset for the next 24 hours of contact applaude for our Creator. Will you join us? - Join the Applause." -  there are beautiful photos taken of Gods beauty in Creation from around the world, you can upload yours as well!!! There is also a facebook and twitter connection as well.. as well as many others Im sure. This is such a great idea! I had to share it with everyone!

Friday, June 24, 2011

He didn't have too....

He didnt have to give us shadows, He didnt have to create rain... He didnt have to make water bubble when it boils, He didnt even have to make it boil at all!  He didnt need to make it bead up on flower petals, or make it clear, or even close to how it is! Think about it, all that is happening around you right now, the birds, the sky, the air you are inhaling..exhaling... all that was created by God, just like that. 

These thoughts circling my head. The physics of this Earth.  He could have done it any which way.  In ways we cant even imagine because they are like nothing our minds are capable of understanding.  We are so limited in a way compared to Him who is limitless. 

He doesnt have to bless us, He doesnt have to want desperatly to have a relationship with us, but He choses to be that God for us. To want a relationship, to help us, put the work boots on, lace them up and put the hard hat on with us.  He is one of those friends who once I asked to have a relationship with is always honest, and in times of celebration and sadness I can call upon, and He is there before the "text message" is even sent out because He knows us that well.  And He didnt have to make it this way. 

Its in moments of thought like this I am totally humbled and overjoyed to have a relationship with God, for these things I could never do, He makes it all work out perfectly for His purpose. The moments I try and fix things, to go inward, to say I have the ability to bring peace into my life on my own without the help of Christ, I stumble... if I were able to do that, I would never have begun to stumble.  There would be no stumbling ever.  God catches us and dusts us off and He will lead us through this world of sunlight, rainfall, war, murder, silence, loudness.  I look upward and praise Him.  Today is a new day and He's leading the way.   

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Muddy and Joyful

The day has been going at a steady pace.  Early afternoon I got some news that made my stomach feel sick. It was something simple, something that wasnt life threatening, but just enough to make me feel that I was going to have a horrible rest of the day.  I looked outside and it was raining, I felt hollow in my soul, just sad.  I cried, and I wasnt even sure why.  It was so silly and all day as I read about joy in books I refused to really allow it to come to surface in my house.   I stepped out on our back deck in the rain to help my son with his bicycle.  I felt the rain hit my arms and face and it was soothing.  I stood inside and I felt God saying

"Just go.  Just go and run through the puddles with your children. Relax." 

I grabbed my two boys and we ran, along with one of their friends and we jumped in every puddle.  Even the most shallow ones they were so excited to see what kind of splash it would make. The sound was renewing joy for me today.  It was such a simple, carefree moment.  I grabbed my camera, which is now caked in dirt, and batteries recharging.  We found mud....and it went flying from our hands. Laughter echoed over our quiet street..

 One man out in the parking lot seen us as we headed back inside and said "I seen the boys and I was like 'Their mother is going to be sooo angry with them when she see's them'..then you came around the corner!" 

And the mud even though has turned my bathtub black, my walls no longer spotless, and my floors no longer freshly mopped, it cleansed my soul.   When I almost allowed stress, anxiety and  anger to fill my body, God showed me joy and child like happiness at the perfect time, and I thank Him. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Pslam 23, a melody and great scripture

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.
 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
 5 You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

A friend of mine requested I sing this song for her.  I did it a few years ago at my Church back home, I never learned it on guitar till just recently.  A beautiful song by Michael Olson...

Let all the trees of the forest sing for joy!

I am a huge tree hugger. Big on nature.  I love moss between my toes,  the crisp smell of autumn as we are collecting leaves... I must joke every autumn that if I could bottle the smell of Fall I would wear it all year.   We live a "crunchy" lifestyle when we are able too.  I feel God's presence in nature.  Not that He is the nature, but that He has given it to us to show His beauty and strength. 

When the wind blows I feel how amazing it feels, I admire the fact that His Spirit feels even better than that. 

When its just about to rain... and theres that amazing scent in the air, He must smell even better than that. 

When the sun is shining in the summer and its that perfect day... His presence when we meet Him face to face, it will feel even better than that. 

When Im out barefoot running I pray as I go through paths in the bush, down the bike trails along the river and creeks.  I thank Him for creating such beauty.  As I look at the trees and how tall they grow, its just amazing to me. The branches pruned and trunks knotted...years of change, growth, repair, bending, rising.   My son has taken a fascination with the tree's latley, hugging almost every single one as we go by.  Looking up high into their branches (as you can see to the right)  and going "WOW!"  Its so adorable.  To think God created these mightly oaks and the tiny ants that crawl up its trunk.  To think all this remains rooted as the earth spins at around 1,670 Km an hour.  I remain rooted in Christ as I sit in awe of all that He made. As the creek bubbles and flows whispering "This is nothing, just wait till you see what He has for us in eternity."    I love teaching them about how our Lord created all of this and we need to respect it, keep it lush and green so future generations can enjoy it as well.  He has created such a balance we should try hard to respect.  Jean E Syswerda had this poem I discovered in my Womens Devotional Bible and I came across it last fall.  I really love it.  All these noises of nature, praises to Him.  I love dancing and singing to these melodies, giving thanks. 


Monday, June 20, 2011

multitudes of gifts #17-36

#17  Sleepy two year old snuggled on my back
#18 hugs between friends
#19 a church singing praises for the Lord
#20  Veggie Tales movies that make my children laugh
#21 gardens blooming
#22 dew on the grass feeling it between bare toes
#23 morning greetings from our children with such enthusiasim and joy
#24 my six year old practicing her girl band routine on the back deck
#25 watching our children discover things for the first time
#26 my husband going out and buying me "1000 Gifts" finally <3
#27 our youngest trying to sneak coffee from the canteen at our church with such excitement in his eyes
#28 muddy fingerprints on the walls showing a day of fun in the dirt
#29 popscicle stained lips
#30 picnics under neighbourhood trees
#31 the old knots of trees showing years of perseverance through life
#32  a child hearing and anticipating the sight of an airplane overhead
#33 the colour changes of leaves in the sun
#34 water droplets on flowers

#35 eggs cracking on the stove
#36 breakfast in bed for a loved one

Thursday, June 16, 2011

My husband rocks.

My husband and I got off to a rocky start.  Young, and both not following God, things were not going as well as they probably could have been. 
We moved in quickly together, and he put up with a lot of stuff that I pulled..lets just say I wasnt the most caring loving girlfriend ever.  Selfish and angry.
I got pregnant months after we got together, and my husband is one of few words, and I took this as an opportunity to be "poor me" and left our apartment in London Ontario, to go to a small town where my family was outside of Ottawa Ontario, 8 hours away. No notice, I took my stuff, got on a train, and left.

My husband was so shocked, so upset, he lost his job, was depressed, hurting.  Not only was he loosing his girlfriend, but loosing his daughter as well. 

But my husband was a good man, and is a good man.  He sold everything he had, and followed me weeks later to be with me, live in my mothers house with me in her basement till we could find work for him.  He got employment and we were able to get our own place.

When my daughter was 18 months we got married. 

We had another child, a boy and things were busy, but good.  My husband continued to work hard and do everything he could. 

We concieved a surprise, a third baby on the way and I got depression. Bed ridden for well over a month.  And my husband had no idea what to do.  But he never left.  He may have said little, but he tried with all his might to do everything he could to continue to support his family that seemed to be a mess.  He made the phone calls, he worked and worked so I didnt have too, he took care of the children when he wasnt home and never really had time for himself. 

And he did all this while living in an area that he was so unfamiliar with and it never felt like home.  He had no family to go to just to vent or cry.  Everyone was unreachable for him. 

We finally moved back to London, where we now live.  Things are better, and my husband is even begining to pray, come to the worship center, read scripture with me.  He never ever gave up on me, or his family, and realized our God never gave up on us either.  And we are so thankful.  God brought so much good out of our struggles even if we were clinging on by a thread it seemed for so long.  I am thankful to God for giving me a man who has strenth, determination and hope.  Who put up with way more than most would.  He can make us laugh till we are crying.  He's such a great friend.  My best friend.   I just hope I can show him how thankful we are for his sacrifices he has made.   

Am I turning into the woman who everyones going to avoid?

The more and more I follow Christ, learn His teachings, the more I get into His word, the more and more I realize we are made for so much more than this.

And the more and more I do this, the more and more the things in life we consider "normal" become not so normal for me, seem pointless and not nessesary. 

Walking with my husband to the grocery store today after watching the horrific sensless acts that happened in Vancover last night made my heart break.  All the violence ...sensless stupid violence.   Like this isnt even violence to protect someone or something (which I still dont agree with but anyways). Theres no point to it other than a group of people wanted to cause a frenzie. 

Then started talking about going on trips far away, and how if theres no real purpose behind them, I really just dont care.  Sure lots of pretty trips would be beautiful, but so would spending time with family we havent seen in a long time, or helping somewhere for people in need. 

How people who talk like sex is some crazy erotic dirty thing when God created it to be an intimacy between a husband and wife.  This is begining to bother me.  

I dont want my children to think that having all these gadgets, toys and trinkets are what the world is. I dont want them to think that following the latest trend is the way to go.  I want them to always keep their eyes on Christ. 

I looked at my husband with a sadness  "Am I turning into a woman that the whole world is going to start to avoid because my opinions are so not of this worlds?"

How if its not going to glorify Christ, then why do it?

This is the point where people start to roll their eyes at me.   And Christ warns me its to be expected. 

They hate me, but they hated Him first.  (see John 15:18)

The more and more stuff that happens in this world only points to signs of His return.  I wait with Hope.  My faith grows stronger, but my heart breaks for those who dont have His hope, or throw it in the trash thinking it just cant be the only way. 

Because in our society people think their thinking is better than His.

I heard a satistic by Rick Warren on an interview aprox. 75 million people will die this year and dont have Christ and therefore..well you know the rest.  

This breaks my heart! And Im not silent about my faith and I shout it out.  I want my friends and family to come to Christ.  Im not banging down doors but Im not hiding anything either. 

But its the statues on Facebook about kids, jokes, random stuff that get the comments, and the ones of Christ that rarley get one.

This world is broken.  We are broken.  Thats all there is to it.

Two options face me now- To crawl into a depression of hurting for all the people, or to stand firm and call forth salvation and peace for this world.  I will choose the second option. 

I cling to Hope and to Christ because He is the only pure thing left.


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

God is bigger than the Mailman

Even I had a five minute moment of panic about this Canadian Postal Strike where postal workers did not give their 48 hours notice and walked off the job.   How am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to do this, do that?  (Guess direct deposit is a good idea after all eh?)  I read posts from people on Facebook pages about medical supplies that come in the mail, formula for babies, things of big importance to everyone.  You could feel the panic in some of these posts. 

Have we forgotten how BIG OUR GOD IS?!?

He is bigger than this delima.  You bet your booties the enemy is going to try and take firm hold of all of us and sit panic in our hearts!!!!

Jesus tells us in John 16:33  

 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

He has OVERCOME THE WORLD! How amazing a God is that and He is the one who has our backs!!!!

This is a perfect opportunity to place situations, our lives in God's hands and say "Im trusting in YOU fully."

Writing for Him

Sitting around my home are journals upon journals of writings to God, prayers, notes, moments, random doodles from the children.  This is one way I walk with Him. 

I find it very comforting to open up on paper, to write freely and confident to God. 

I am able to look back and thank God as I read prayers answered, questions revealed through written Scripture I have discovered while studying His Word,  a dream, something in the day that made me smile. 
Sometimes I just feel so rushed in prayer if Im not sitting down writing it out to Him.   If I feel an urge to pray, sometimes I will grab my journal and start writing, if I am interupted I feel it easier sometimes to be able to put the pen down and carry on where I left off. 

When I was young I used to have a diary.  I used to write about my days events. This is much the same, except I am sharing it with Christ.  Someday even my children might stumble upon them and glance at the pages and see prayers answered that may have not even be answered in my lifetime. 

Prayers can be 6 pages long somedays, sometimes only a paragraph.

It works for me.  My relationship with Christ builds on these pages. I can look back and reflect. 

Notes from a service, key words, scripture, examples. All can be written out and soaked up later. 

Revelations from Christ can be forever treasured.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

..Empowering wives to joyfully serve.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
I have written this scripture out more online in groups I belong to and been totally blasted for my views on a womans role in a household. Certain groups cautiously messaging me that I "do not need to be a slave to man.  I can be a working woman I dont need to fold laundry all day." 

The world just doesnt see it like this anymore.  There is few homes these days that I know of that the woman is able to stay home and take care of house and child.   The world has turned topsy turvey, thinking things have to be a certain way.  Whatever happened to "the good old days"..well money happened, the loss of God in society has happened.. but thats another post.  It is very hard for a lot of families to have one income.     

Scripture goes onto say in verses 25-30

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body."

To me this is beautiful.

I am not a woman who has chosen a career because my husband has chosen that path and this is one of the ways how he supports our family.  We are never rolling in riches, but God has provided for us everything we have ever needed.  I have felt called to be a stay at home Mom to our three beautiful children, and a "housewife".  I love that I get to do this.  It is something that by relying on God, we are able to do joyfully.  Am I the best housewife?  No,  and even as I write this I see all around me a million things that need to be done.  But what I do I do for my husband and my God.  I pray eachday that I would get better and better at serving in my home.  There is a balance, a beautiful God given balance.  Tuesday's  I hope to blog about these adventures in joyful homemaking and being a happy helper in my home.  Hoping to share a perspective. 

Today and every Tuesday, Time-Warp Wife invites bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Humbled and thankful

I got ready for worship Sunday morning.  We had the music cranked. Music loudly proclaiming the love Christ has for us, and that we have for Him.  The children were dancing,  we were singing, jumping, raising our hands.  Getting pumped to worship our Lord and Saviour, after a strange week, I was ready to call out and praise Him proudly.  We left singing up the road, laughing, and just so filled with praise for God.  He indeed showed me things this week that helped me through these past moments.
While during worship though I felt God asking me to humble myself.  I felt my knee's literally wanting to give in.... I had only just started to raise my hands in worship months before... I had never felt the urge to kneel before God in worship.  I felt Him calling me to just sit with Him awhile.  Thats it..thats all. 
I was a bit thrown off by this.  I was a bit shocked with this...this is not what I had planned.  Not in the least.

Why should it be what I plan..shouldnt it be what He plans for me even in this?

I had no choice. Either I did as I felt God calling me to do, or I refused because of whatever foolish reasons that were bubbling around in my head... he humbled me to a level I had not experienced before...

Sitting with Jesus, quietly, thankfully and peacefully during worship.  Just in awe of His love.  A refreshing moment after dealing with feelings of stress and struggle. 

I am thankful. 

Thankful for humbling
2#  a husbands growing understanding and cravings for God
3#  pottery with children allowing creativity to flow.
4#  silent prayer in the middle of the night, the feeling of His protection
5#  the crisp breeze passing over
6#  family fellowship over food and laughter
7# music
8# making tents on the front lawn
9# girls playing dressup, finding that great friend and laughing histarically at the sound of frogs

10# the smile of a two year old digging into an orange.
11# prayer walks
12# granny squares
13# sheeps wool between my fingers
14# the imagination of children, seeping out and into you

15# container planters of flowers and lettuce
16# watering cans spilt gently by a child

Saturday, June 11, 2011

When anger hits

We had one of those days, where I felt no grace, I felt no gentleness, everything seemed to be going against us. 
The feeling of utter exhaustion from battling my own emotions ontop of the emotions of my three beautiful children.  My four year old telling me to "shut up" and calling me "stupid" for over an hour. 
I havent always been consistant with him, or any of them.  Part of this behaviour is my fault.  This time I was consistant, and he hated me for it. And we battled.  I remained calm for a long time. A very long time.  But after hours of the same stuff, I finally yelled and he cried, then I left the room and fell to my knee's to God and said "I just cant do this anymore."  a four year olds scratch marks covered my arms and legs.  He can get so violent sometimes...

He fell asleep in his room while throwing Hot Wheels at his door.  I sat quietly in my livingroom.  Feeling at the end of my rope, feeling so much anger. The fruits of the Spirit no where near me.

Why is it that the day after I feel so much of God's love that I hit rock bottom it seems?

Why is it that I have gotten a million parenting tips but still sit on search engines after I have had a meltdown with my children and look for the right answers to fix our issues when I have a loving God that is going

"um hello? remember me? remember all the things I have gotten you through and you are looking for answers on the internet?"

This day was an epic parenting fail on my part. I dont think I got any of it right. No compassion, just plain old grump-o-la.  I stopped caring the last hour of the day, and put them to bed early. Then guilt surrounded me like a big old bag of hell.  It was like I can feel the devil going "haha gotcha now."

I go upstairs after and hug them all, crying and appologizing for my actions.  I suffered from severe depression while pregnant with my third and I think when I get to the point where Im so hurt and tired, it reminds my six and four year old of those times.  And that hurts.   I cry out to God to forgive me for not acting like Christ.  I know He forgives me.  Im so greatful.  His grace is so perfect.  I'll never fully grasp it all.

This was yesterday. Today was better in ways, but a lot of struggles in trying to get my children to be nice to people. To be kind, and show love in all circumstances.  They dont get it.  Sometimes I dont either.  Im just tired of it.  Im tired of having the "bully" on the road.  I have had more children come to my door crying than I know what to do with. 

My son hurt a girl today, a girl older than him, pretty bad.  He was grounded to the house the rest of the day.  How many days are we going to go through this till he gets it?  How many days are we going to go through sulking and miserable faces when they dont get there way?  I think back to when I was a kid... and if the math is right I have about another 15 years or so to go if they follow in my footsteps.

I found myself speaking these words "God is greater than your issues.  He will show you how to solve this."  This is what I tell my chidren all the time!! And yet I found myself completley lost at what to do with my own children.

He gently leads those who have young, and its probably because some of us are so completly exhausted by the end of the day its hard to press on when things get tough. 

But He will show us the way, if we let Him.  I think of God all the time!  If you see me, and Im not talking Im probably thinking of God.  BUT when a difficult situation arrises, a lot of the time He goes on hold while I switch the line over to panic, anger, and frustration.

This is when I need to call my phone company and cancel that other line.  This is absolute foolishness! I should be going to God with these issues, before it ends up I am on my knees in my livingroom in tears.  God is here with us to help us in everything! I have seen Him do things I never thought possible! I know he can work amazing things in my children's lives just as much as mine. 

I have to trust Him..and hold on.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Sharing a blog post about gender neutrality

There has been a load of talk on Facebook, blogs and news about "gender neutrality".  I wasnt sure what to think of it.  I read various opinions on it.  Some of my friends have very strong opinions towards one side or the other.  Both sides have interesting arguments and I havent really felt much desire to get in on the discussion until the past few days and I wont go into huge detail on my opinions but I wanted to share this beautiful blog post by Hippie Housewife called  Gender: Neutral or different?

She writes  "I feel as though gender neutrality is so heavily pushed now, particularly in certain circles, that kids are actually discouraged from being interested in traditionally “gendered” activities. I question the health in that, as I feel it promotes a lot of unnecessary shame."

I really think she is right. The fact of the matter is that God doesn't make mistakes.  God created us all individually, and I think we need to embrace it, and not hide any part of our children from themselves.  If my parents decided to not tell people my gender, and someone came to them as I was getting to the age where I would understand what they were talking about and they said "we are not telling people what the child's gender is."  This would shoot guilt, fear, anxiety, sadness, failure, shame, hate into my soul.  The fact that my very own parents cannot embrace Gods entire creation could shatter a persons being. 

By hiding a child's gender we are hiding a peice of their identity. There God given identity. God knit us together, and when parents start slipping stitches off and leaving holes, spirits will feel unfinished. Lets allow these children to explore life, embrase ALL of it, learn, experience what God wants for them without messing things up any further than they need to be.

Psalm 139:13  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Christ's "Hush"

I have felt inspired to slow down in life. To not say "hurry up" so much. 
Its my downfall

Last night I sat with my two year old son, and just watched him, as he delighted in the light of the moon peering through our livingroom window.  The thoughts that must have been going through his mind as he gazed up into the night sky. Complete fascination.  Total joy.  There was total joy for me watching him discover, and take in what he was in that moment. Not thinking of a moment later.

A journey to pick wild flowers and look for nature can still be rushed if you look at a clock.  I am very horrible at this. Capturing a moment, but for too short a time.  I stopped to to ask myself today- "what on earth do we really have to do at home right now?"  I still captured myself in words like "come on we gotta get going now."  Do we really?  Or is it okay to stare at an ant for more than 2 minutes? Was there a reason to rush home besides laundry and dishes that will always over keep their welcome anyways.  So we stayed, and we played, only moments from our home, discovering what God wanted to show us. 

And what He showed us is always beautiful... 
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God"- Psalms 46:10

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Gift of a child's faith

Its funny because I was only talking to someone about this the other day, their child too was sharing their faith with someone else.  Today for show and tell, my daughter is bringing her cross that sits above her bed to show her class and talk to them about her love for Jesus.  With the Lords prayer out of schools, its kids like her that are going to bring Christ to school. 

Luke 18:15-17

People brought babies to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. When the disciples saw it, they shooed them off. Jesus called them back. "Let these children alone. Don't get between them and me. These children are the kingdom's pride and joy. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." ~The Message

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Celebrating 1000 Gifts.

I havent even picked up the book yet, but I am completley compelled by this womans idea of living by the moment, living fully right where you are, and remembering and meditating on all the little gifts of life, in our daily grind.  Its absolutly beautiful.  So often I know myself, I can stop to chew on what God has shown me, but I still rush.  Im excited to slow down.  To pay attention to each moment for only that moment. 
So Im going to be blogging now and again, maybe not everyday, but some of the things God shows me, His gifts..those little moments that I notice to be forever greatful and thankful for. 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Where do we get off... (meditating on talent television)

Sitting here tonight, a certain television show on our tv.  These are shows I normally enjoy, they are normally shows that I would giggle at the people who go on who arent exactically talented to our eyes.  But I really feel this gut check happening latley saying "where do you get off laughing at people who are truly doing something they love?" 
Someone sings off key, someone doesnt dance like a professional, and they get laughed at, boo'd, thrown off.  I understand these shows are to find the best of the best.  But really, what is the best?  This is the worlds view of best.  This hurts a lot of people who are doing something they love.  And we sit and judge them, call them idiots, cant wait for them to stop and go home.  Cheer when they go home.   Is this right? Am I all alone on this?  This is what our world strives on people?  Is this what Christ wants? 
I know Christ changes people, in every detail, maybe He's working in me with this, I just sit here so confused at what Im thinking.  It seems every week there is a new show on judging peoples talents.  And all of a sudden it doesnt sit well with me.   Lets talk about this shall we?

Friday, June 3, 2011

Five years of marraige

Its been five years since my husband and I said "I do" at Calvary Baptist Church in Arnprior Ontario.  When I look back and think of all that has happened over the past 8 years of our relationship, all the ups and downs, its been a pretty crazy, wonderful journey.  Gods timing through it all has always been perfect. 
He's a great guy, my husband, works very hard and as much as he is given to provide for us so I can stay at home with our children.  He loves sports and movies, our interests are somewhat really different for the most part, but like they say "opposites attract".  This man made a lot of sacrifices for me during our relationship, following me across the province while I was scared about being pregnant with our first, he gave up everything he had to  be with me and our little girl who was soon to be coming into this big world.  We married when she was almost two, a small little beautiful wedding on a beautiful June day. 

He is such a great Dad to our quickly growing family.  He knows how to have a good time, can make them laugh histarically.  He is teaching them well.  They love their Dad. The boys look so much like him, especially our youngest, he has his Dad's "grumpy eyebrows"  which we all love!!!
He takes our daughter to dance and cant wait till the boys get into sports. 

We celebrated our anniversary by going out to the movies and having dinner while Grandma babysat the children.  We havent been out on a "date" in a while, and since this is a big anniversary, the big 5 *grin*, we wanted to eat somewhere other than McDonalds, somewhere where we could be semi dressed up and also see a movie together.  We went to Tony Roma's for dinner, then we went to see Bridesmaids which was HIALLRIOUS! We were still laughing an hour after it was over!   We had such a terrific time!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Wordless Wednesday June 1 2011

Its one of these days...

The wind outside today has got to be some of the most amazing wind I have ever felt.  The tree's are hushing the world around us saying "Be still" and just soak in and relax in God's creation.  Even the squirrels are taking a moment to relax and just embrace it all, this beautiful creation God created for us to enjoy.  Holy Spirit come and enjoy this which You made and hang out with us today as we stand in awe of all You do.