Embracing Jesus- John 1:36-39

John said even he wasn't worthy to untie the sandals of Christ in John 1:27, and yet this Jesus, this amazing Jesus came to him, and to many, and comes to each of us when we call, none of us worthy, but he is more than willing.

My first "Embracing Jesus One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time" scripture came to a bit of a surprise to me.  I had not even opened my Bible before I decided to do this to see what I would read first , I did not decide which of the accounts I would use, but I opened to John,  so I will be using John.

The first red letters I found were on the second page in my Bible in the book of John.  And as I read them, I smiled and laughed.   In the notorious words of myself  "I literally LOL'd."

John 1:36-39 (NIV)

When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!".  When the two disciples heard him say this they followed Jesus.  Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked "What do you want?"  They said "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"  "Come" he replied, "and you will see."  

This makes me think of all sorts of things, but the first thing that came to my mind is the simplicity of Christ in this moment.  His first words He spoke to them were "come".  He did not give them a list of reasons why, but just "come".  He did not ask them about their history, their backgrounds, who were their friends, or anything like that.  He did not ask if they were perfect, if they had life figured out, he just told them to "come"


I am literally sitting back in my chair trying to elaborate on this and I simply cant.  I have gotten more out of this four letter word than in a million reads I have done lately,  as I discovered Him speak it to them on these pages and to me that I can only sit in awe.  They wanted to know where Jesus was staying... and when I read that I wanted to answer it for them for their future "In you!"  But He had not told them that, He was still flesh walking across the dirt.  He did not have a permanent residence, until He rose and filled His believers up with Himself and this was long after He spoke these words.  Our bodies become His temple, His resting place.  He was about to show them that and so much more.  Goosebumps.

Embracing Jesus. One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time

Over the past little while you may have noticed that I am trying to embark outward into a new bold crazy mysterious journey in my faith.  To really try to get my feet firmly planted again.  I feel for too long it has been a wishy washy in my journey with Christ.

While I know I love Jesus.  Like..I LOVE JESUS.  God is on my mind more than anything all day, I feel as though I need a jolt.  

I have claimed this journey as my own, hand in hand with Christ... sometimes though I start seeking the hands of others, and their Jesus thoughts... let me explain.

While I decided long ago I would avoid debating the crazy stuff, the tough things in Christianity that cause more division than unity,  now I face another delima.  That because I try not to let this stuff get to me, I have now sought after other people who have felt the same way- who are standing firm hands raised sending out a cry of joy saying "this is my journey, not yours, and He will guide me, not you." 

Now in searching for these people, I find myself reading their thoughts and while sometimes I sit at my computer screen or the book I am reading and screaming YES!! I also find myself comparing my journey to theirs, as if to say 'oh well she thinks this way but is seeking Him in a similar way to me.. maybe I am wrong."  I have even changed my mind about something I was so sure about because someone elses journey and that opinion they had was so convincing, then I fall down broken.

See how that can get messy?  No one has EVER told me to think this way, infact, I have always had very supportive people in my walk with Jesus, who have really shown me Christ can approach us in different ways, and they have always been supportive.  Where these thoughts and ideas of how I see the world came from I dont exactically know, but I know that it can at times hinder my walk with Jesus.

So tonight I laid in bed with our three year old and his spiderman and decided I needed to spend less time in the opinions of others, even if they are similar to mine.  That perhaps I just need to not be so involved in social media discussions, or blogging discussions... That I need to really unplug from even community online in order to seek Christ and know who I am in Him.   Im thirsty and hungry, I am weary.  Jesus says to me "come to me" 

His words can anchor me

It never comes down to what church body you attend, or how you define a certain aspect of scripture.  It never comes down to if you worship with your hands held high or you sit quietly in your seat.  It never comes down to if you are shy in your walk or you scream it from the rooftops 

It never comes down to anything but Christ.

When I start to feel confused, its never His fault.  Its the fault of me seeking Him through the wrong avenues.  Im not saying that reading blogs are wrong, or to hear people's testimonies are wrong.  If we never heard a persons testimony, we wouldnt have the New Testament.  I LOVE hearing about a persons relationship with Jesus Christ.  What I am saying is that in order for me to firmly plant myself in Him (again and again), it has to be from Him.  From His breath, from His words.  If these avenues I am seeking at the end of the day are not making me feel more strengthened in my faith then why right now do I spend so much time seeking Him on them?  God is not the author of confusion.  He said that. 

I have decided to start a blog post "series" entitled "Embracing Jesus. One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time".  This is not to convince anyone to see things my way.  This is not for anyone to think I am a Biblical Scholar, or have it all figured out. 

This is my goal: To take each paragraph that is in those beautiful red letters, the words of Christ Himself, and to meditate on them.  To see what He wants to say to me in that section of scripture.  To write it down and to really discuss it with Him.  To not move on from that scripture until He says.  I want to share them here on my blog, not so someone would ever want to compare their walk with Christ with mine because I think when we do that, since I have done that so often, we miss out on the hugeness of Christ. 

I want it to be a time of intimacy, of thought and meditation, prayer and excitement.  To rediscover Christ over again in a way I havent before. 

So here I go...

Why are you hating on your church?

I have been reading a few blogs revently from frustrated Christians who are angry within the buildings they worship God.  They are not new believers trying to understand it all, they arent people who have no clue about Jesus or anything along those lines, these are people who have chosen to follow Jesus and have been and understand what He stood for and stands for.   From what I understand we ARE the church, not the building itself, but the building is a place the church comes together to encourage and build up eachother in our faith.  This should not be a place with constant anger stirring up within belivers.  To start hating on a church is to not hate on the walls or the photos on the wall, but the people inside. 

I do first of all want to say that I do firmly believe that God is fully capable and has and will call people out of a church body for His reasons. This has happened to me once, where I wasnt exactly trying to leave a church, but circumstances happened and He placed another church body right in our midst that we knew without a shadow of a doubt was where God wanted us to be.  There were no ill feelings, there was no anger involved, it just happened.  There was a peace that came from it.  No resentment, no eye rolling, just a peace.  I remember when we moved across province we were church searching and there were places we just knew thats not where God wanted us, so we did look at different churches, denominations etc till we found one we felt we were supposed to be at, but we were still only there for a short time till God called us to somewhere else.  These werent vain reasons, this was God telling us flat out "No"

BUT I do think also that God should also be the only one to tell you to leave a church body.  The question I think of is what is it that is causing a person to simply stew in their own anger/boredom  towards their church/denomination/etc  instead of being within that building and surrounded by fellow believers who none are perfect to worship the living God?  There is no perfect church body, there never will be till the day we are all with Jesus celebrating.  I think our goal should never be to find a perfect church, but the body of believers God wants us to be involved in.  There is a church body for everyone.

One thing I know for certain is that it does help to get involved, especailly in bigger churches.  All church bodies need the people to use their talents and gifts within the four walls of the church.  I attended a church for a little under a year that was significatly bigger than the one I came to know Christ in.  While it was overwhelming, I knew that it being overwhelming may not be a good enough reason to leave and find something I was more comfortable with.  So I got involved in small group studies and tried worship there for a bit.  While not all I tried to involve myself in worked, it got me to get to know the fellow brothers and sisters in Christ around me and not feel so shy and overwhelmed.   While its true that we also need the "regulars" of a church to step out and greet the new people ( I think this is very important), new people dont be afraid to step out as well.  Maybe there is not much happening at your church but you'd like to see something happen, like a study or something for the kids.  Maybe thats why God has placed you there, to start those things. 

Do you feel your church isnt feeding you?  Now before you go blaming it on your pastor, remember its not your pastors job to give you revelation Sunday after Sunday - its Gods.  Are you taking your notes, or paying attention, coming home and praying and asking God to teach you about what was spoken about at service that Sunday?  God will show you things about His word you dont understand, but its not soley your pastors job to do this.  Pastors have all different kinds of personalities, maybe the pastors personality doesnt quite click with your ears, but that doesnt mean that God cannot give you revelation.  Bible time doesnt start Sunday and end Sunday.  God is always speaking.  I think people put way too much expectation on their pastors.  They're just human.  Remember its God who gives revelation, and he will do that through Christians, but even if you dont feel you are getting that big "ahha!" revelation every Sunday, dont for a second think its your churches fault.  Make sure you are making an effort to seek God in the word too that is spoken so He can feed you.  We ask Holy Spirit to fill us, not our pastors, decons, teachers etc.   So in essesnse even if you were to find your speaker not quite your jive, know that God will still give you revelation in the end.

Do you have a "beef" with someone?  Now the Bible makes it very clear that we arent to go to bed angry, to stew in our anger and let it become a part of us, so if there is someone within your church body that is making you angry or anything that isnt fruitful, then that needs to be addressed.  Its awful to watch churches split, agrue, and have any sort of resentment towards others in the body.  It needs to be taken care of.   This could be the church body you need to be a part of, and hatred and all the other traits of the enemy's tricks can prevent Gods work to happen through you.  The Bible warns of divisions in the church.  We are warned, so when we see it happening, or are a part of it, then we should be praying and acting to make it change.  

Maybe your church is teaching things that clearly arent Biblical? I know denominations may approach "church" differently and Im not really speaking of that, Im not a denomination hater at all, but maybe you do have a huge issue with things that genuinley need addressing?  Then address them.  Pray, seek God and if God says go then go.  But its scary to think that the issue is never addressed.   I think it would be devistating if no one ever spoke up about a church that was teaching something that clearly isnt scriptural (ex: the Easter Bunny and Jesus are the same thing, corney I know, but just for example) and no one ever approached that it was wrong.  It doesnt mean you have to run in protesting and screaming "LIES!" but something needs to be said.  And if the church says "no you're wrong" when God has shown you what He's put on your heart to be right, then I think its safe to say you go.
Think about it-  the church building is a place you go to be surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ to come together and worship JESUS!!! We shouldnt be dragging our feet in there going "oh..yay..church time."  We should be jumping out of bed going "YAY CHURCH TIME!" and if you are like me you add a big ol "WHEEEE" to the end (I really do love my church family near and far! )   Church buildings are not the only place we worship, we should worship Jesus 24/7 but it is wonderful to gather with fellow believers to celebrate.
I think the world has enough haters of the church we dont need them inside, and maybe like I said you are genuinly not supposed to be in that church family and God is calling you somewhere else, but please let it be His will and not your will that you want to leave.  Make sure that the intentions are genuine and not happening because the enemy has tried to rip you out of a place God wants you or your flesh wants out of because of wordly reasons.  Get what Im trying to say here?  Church buildings are emptying faster and faster each day because Gods children cant always seem to get along and decide instead of thinking "what would Jesus do?" they do what the world says to do and thats to get angry, roll our eyes, gossip, hate, complain and every other thing that should just not be in a Christians vocabulary and run for the door.  This is the enemy doing a fine job at ripping apart congregations that could have done amazing advancement for Gods kingdom.  This is a perfect example and it happens far to often.  So I guess in the end I wanted to write this so that I could say that I really think it needs to be God that places you somewhere, not ourselves.  It may not look like what we thought it was to look like, but its where God wants us, for this time in our lives, and when we are where God wants us, then God will use it to his perfect plan and it will do amazing things for you, and/or the people around you. 

Understanding God will be my comfort in childbirth

We are hitting our last trimester... Where did the time go.  In the words of my friend Daisy Im going to need my own postal code soon, I feel this little girl is running out of room in there, Im starting to see elbows poking out and you can really feel her kick.  Its a truly amazing blessing to feel a life growing inside you.  I have very much enjoyed carrying this girl, and as she begins to get bigger and we hit the home stretch of only 12 more weeks (which will happen super fast Im sure), I realize that the time for birth is coming soon. 

I started looking into water births yesterday.  Started to talk to moms who have been there about the pros and the cons.  Started reading lots and lots.  The cons started to outweigh the pros in our case.  Would there be room in our house for a birthing tub? (We are planning to have her at home)  Would there be time?  Is it what I really really want to do?  "Birthing plans"  can be overwhelming.  This labour will be different because it is a new experience, a new birth.  My three previous births were all very different from eachother.  A Mother can never fully prepare for labour, and Im sure it never ever goes 100% according to the plan.  But I cant help but try and figure it out. 

 

So then I laid in bed, almost stressed out about this birth and it was like God said "You have allowed me to take care of this pregnancy thus far, I will take care of your labour as well."

And the more I think about it, I dont want to make anything other than God my comfort measure, my "epidural" my "birthing tub".  There is no subsitute for God.  He is our comforter, our provider, our sheild.  He's madly in love with His children and ofcourse that means even during birth!  For myself and this child inside, He is fully capable of taking control. 

So I begin approaching this different. I planned on having worship music playing, Scripture near by and in my heart, definatly prayer, but these things I never put in the place of PRIORITY during birth.  Up until last night they were secondary.  But God wants to be first.

He wants me to seek Him continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says Search the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him (NLT).  That means all the time.  Even during contractions, during transition, during things that may go wrong.  To never panic

(Philippians 4:6-7), or feel as if I cannot do it, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

I understand Gods power, I understand what He has poured out for me, and that Holy Spirit dwells within me and I have the ability to approach God with anything.  He see's the begining to the end.  There are no surprises.  He's already gotten it all under His control.  He is bigger.  It all comes down to trust.

So this is where I put down my stress about birth, about how its going to go down.  What position I wanna be in, where I wanna be in the home, and lay this birth down at God's feet, like I did with the pregnancy and say "have Your way Lord."  24 hours of stressing out about a birth I ultimatly in the end have little control over was 24 hours too long.  Time to shift it over to the One who gave birth to the entire universe, and allow Him to comfort me while brining Tehillah into the world. 

God..why wont you let me let this stuff go?

Sometimes I think people who are able to just forever hold on to a set of beliefs of how things are supposed to be understood have it really made.

Tonight as I write this blog post I think that way. For three or so years now I have been seeking Jesus hard. For five years before that I did as well, I attended Bible studies and I attended Church every Sunday I could. These past three years I have as well. Its not that I am hearing a different story, Im not hearing a contradicting belief or anything like that. Perhaps the approach is a tad different, but something has happened in these past few years, what exactically I am not sure, but I have a gazillion questions that I dont feel anyone can fully answer but Jesus.

Jesus I just only want YOU

I have gotten to the point where I humble myself as a follower of Jesus and say "I truly honestly dont know everything about the Bible, about God, about alot that is discussed."

But I know my Jesus.

And it scares me when I start to think the Bible itself contradicts itself, when His followers turned it into a religion so fast (which I believe Jesus came to abolish but thats a whole other topic), I cannot.... I cannot loose my Jesus.  Even if everything else I was thinking was whatever I start too...

I know Jesus answers prayer, I know Jesus heals.  I know God provides.  I know He is the Great I Am and I know there is power in His name.  The most awesome power.  How do I know?  I am a walking testimony, my family is a walking testamony of what Christ can do. 
Im so so so friggen tired of crying everynight because Im scared.  I am so f'ing scared.  All I can do is pray that Jesus doesnt let go of me.  I am clinging to His feet because His teachings were beautiful and His teachings can change the world if we got past all the politics and hatred that has someone stupidly come along with it.

Jesus dont let go of me.  Candace dont let go of Jesus.

Just pray for me.  That He will answer my questions this year.  Im a big hormonal pregnant ball of mess that seems to get it for about a week, and then looses it for a day or so. 

He DOES want to show me something.  What it is, I have no flippen clue.  But ask and you shall recieve right.

I wait at the recieving end.  Come Lord Jesus.

His Grace.

My daughter picks up knitting again and again, trying to knit something, anything.  Her gauge much too wide, then much to tight.  Tears flow and she feels like she is the worst knitter in the world.  She is reminded that she isnt the worst, but learning, and even the best most accomplished knitters in the world started off just like that.  I remind her of the beautiful yarn she spun only a week ago, beautiful colours, the weight of the yarn, wispy then worsted, fingering to bulky.  She asks if that is okay.  It is okay because it is her expression of how that roving should spin.  People pay loads of money for yarn that is purposefully made to be a bit crazy... It doesnt have to be streamlined perfect.  Its art yarn!  Shifting our view of what she created to a different perspective from it being a bunch of mistakes to something beautiful. 

Its been warm, the kids run outside in t-shirts on the 8th November day (although a sweater would probably be better). Still tempted to run outside barefoot while laughing histarically at eachothers ideas and excitement.  Our two year old outside in winter boots, a t-shirt and a diaper...so Canadian.  These kids love to be outside. My son cries because he didnt win the one race, and there has to be a discussion on what the importance is of playing with friends. Its not about winning or loosing, its about fun and love. teamwork.  They continue on playing and for now, there has been no more tears.


Watching my chidren as they have challenges come against them reminds me more and more of how fragile our minds and hearts are... how fragile and full of pride my mind and heart can be and is a lot more than it should be.  Even when we know we are loved deeply and fully by Jesus, how His love covers all our hurts, we still get worked up and at times fall apart.  Anger can sink in and there is that "not good enough" feeling that creeps in.  Even though God's amazing Grace covers us and fills in those holes that we feel we have created. 

We are doing a book study in Life Group at our Church, by  Francis Frangipane called "Holiness, Truth and the Presence of God".   As we dig into Part Two:  The Spirit of Grace, the first paragraph on the page of Chaper Five spoke to me loud

"If you hear a teaching and feel as though it were unattainable in your condition, you have only heard half the message. you missed the grace that is always resident in the heart of God's truth.  Truth without grace is only half true.  Remember this always:  grace and truth are realized in Jesus Christ (John 1:17-For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.)  What God's truth demands, His grace will provide."

I think the past few weeks I have really been forgetting that God is full of Grace.  Loaded to the brim with it.  I have felt definatly less than worthy of God's goodness and to be in His Kingdom.  When I feel like this I feel like hiding from God.  Kinda hard when He is in my heart! I have felt inadequate and very discourraged because I have forgotten about God's Grace...I have said it again and again, and heard it but time and time again latley I never really thought it.  Really sat and reflected on it.  He is a good God and He loves me.  He provides the grace and forgiveness.  I belong to Him and I need to drawn nearer and nearer to Him when I feel inadequate because He is the only one who can make me feel adequate.  His Grace is enough. 

Even in the messes

Even in the messes, when things are just a bunch of colours swirling around like crazy, when nothing

makes any sense.  There is an oportunity to find hope.
I had the amazing opportunity to see this man, David Garibaldi, live doing his amazing artwork.  This peice in the video fits so perfectly with what Christ can do for all of us in our lives, when things are all crazy and upside down...He is there.  And He is waiting for us to cry out and take His hand.  What an amazing journey it is. 

Making an autumn shift....

I need to learn something so basic.  I need to grasp and fully comprehend something so simple, so childlike that it almost makes me laugh and terrify me at the same time.  As I've mentioned, autumn is a time of struggle for me spiritually.  I need to grasp something sooo sooo basic.  God created the autumn.  God created it for our enjoyment.  Its part of the cycle of how nature runs here and its beauty is something He created and it is for His purposes. 


So simple right?

But I associate it with the years I was pagan, the years I practiced wicca,  the years I followed the devil.   halloween, my little parties out in the woods summoning things that I dont dare even talk about these days.  I associate it with the begining of the school year when I would start to skip school to hang out and drink or get high.  I associate it with dying my hair red to match the leaves colours.  I associate it with things not of Christ and therefore my struggle chugs on each time that beautiful scent of fall hits the wind.  A scent I crave but hate at the same time.  Its my favorite time of the year and my least favorite time all in the same breath.

This is my goal this fall, to totally change my views of the season I crave to love most with Christ. 



Im running for this simple choice, to transform my way of thinking this time of year, so that the next years will be different. 
So if you see a lot more oranges, reds and yellows, the discussion of fall and autumny things more and more on here, its because Im working this out.  This has to be done.   This needs to be a season where I can embrace Christ as much as the others.   When I smell the leaves crunching beneath my feet, I need to breathe Christ.  When I hear them, it needs to remind me of His love.  Nothing else.

 James 5:7
Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.

Praise for Jesus- Walk with Him Wednesday

I used to write songs when I was a teenager, about being angry at the world, how nothing mattered.  I would scream into a microphone random rage.  Amplifers were cranked, distortion full blast. 

I have a very hard time writing for Jesus.  I dont know if its just because the journals and journals of music I wrote before were so angry, or what it is.  I have picked up my guitar on more than one occasion in my walk with Christ.  I have sang many songs that are not my own.  The past little while I felt Jesus nudging me to just play.  To play and sing to Him, about Him, about my walk.  Everytime I attempted too I got discouraged.  Our 12 string has strings missing, goes out of tune so very often... (kinda sounds like me some days)

Evenings after the kids go to bed, I usually put on worship music, new and old, and just relax. 

This past Friday night I was trying to learn a song on the guitar, and it wasnt working, I decided that I would play random notes and remembering Ann's post from this day,  I realized that in this moment could be time for worship.   It didnt all flow perfect at times, but I felt such a presence of our Lord. Even in the parts I edited out, where I didnt even know what to say, It felt right.   I wanted to share some of it with you. 

Our Church received a program for my daughters class to talk about worship.  I found this out on Sunday.  I thought, how funny is this that something that has been on my heart is now also going to be taught in her class!  We can really start to have conversations on it.  She was up in her room Monday with our guitar, writing songs for Jesus.  Just songs on how wonderful He has been to her, just regular conversations of thanks.  So simple and beautiful.  They just flowed.  She knows no chords, she doesnt know exactically how to hold this big instrument in her six year old hands,

 but it was still beautiful praise...

This is I think where worship is at for me right now.  To be free in it, to be free in Christ to raise my hands if I feel the urge, to kneel, to dance and laugh or cry and weap.  Worship has so many emotions in it.  They are not just melodies and lyrics, there is feeling and prayer to them as well.  If we are just harmonizing with those around us, but not focused on bringing glory to Christ, then are we doing it right?  I love it when the harmonizing is between me and Jesus.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ~ Colossians 3:16

Not everyone sings on key, or can play even a beat.  Some people sing quiet, or belt it out. Some with hymn books, others with projection screens and new music, some original, some inspired, some with drums and electric guitar, others with organ and piano.  I dont think it matters.  Singing in your car, singing in the shower, humming as you lull young ones to sleep.  All of it can be praise to God.  It doesnt matter how you sound to those around you... it matters though that you are doing it for HIM.  I think thats what He has been trying to show me

My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. ~ Psalm 71:23



Walk with Him Wednesday- Gossip

God has been pulling parts of me out and throwing them away, these parts that do no good, the parts that dont glorify Him, I mean isn't that why we are here, to walk like Him?

Do you think He gets up and walks away when we start to gossip?

Do you think He plugs His ears and goes "la la la la la!" Like a school kid trying not to hear the things being said.

Do you think maybe He just sits there and cries saying "How can you say such things about someone?  Are you no better?!" 

These things have been pressed on my heart for the past two months. I have witnessed these things happen in my home, at my places of employment, on online forums with secret forums for gossip attached (more than once sadly).  I have seen this happen at previous churches, I have heard it over emails, phones, face to face, in cars, at the park, in the library etc.  Now wait... I may sound a bit hipocritical, I have gossiped, even still I catch myself enticed by those conversations. God is very good at trying to make me notice what Ive done, I try quick to change it, or ignore or to say nice things about the person being talked about.  There is good in everyone...I think it would be benneficial if everyone focused on the good of all.  It is a daily struggle I'll admit.  I go many days without getting  involved, but every once and a while, a slip up occurs that Christ convicts me of imediatley.  He's so good in keeping us in check when we are close to Him. 

Gossip kills.  Plain and simple. 

Romans 1:29-30-They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,  slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;

When I know someone loves to gossip, I dont share things with them, plain and simple.  When I hear people gossip and I have to leave, I wonder "what are they saying about me now?"  If they are able to gossip about family and friends when they arent around, do they talk about me when Im not around?? 

Proverbs 20:19 (The Message) -  Gossips cant keep secrets, so never confide in blabbermouths.

Lord, I pray as I continue this walk with You, that as I am in these situations that You pull me aside and say, "stop, be quiet, of few words, this isn't right." 

I want to walk like Christ did, and its a daily struggle against the ways I used to follow, against what is considered "normal". Gossip, as you can see in the above photo I selected is considered okay, its "networking" for many.  Its what drives our society more and more into pride and bullying among other sins. But with His strength, each one of these things that are negative that He prunes from us, we grow in Christ.  And thats beautiful!

 I encourage you this week to pray to Christ to work in your life in such a way that He would prune even just one thing from your life that is holding you back from a marvellous relationship with Him.  I pray that He will continue to prune these things from me, that I would always seek His strength and wisdom above all others, and that He would show me the area's that I need some of His "miracle grow" :) 

Will we homeschool??

Since the end of the school year I have felt this almost desperation to homeschool our children. I have been on countless webpages, looked at pages and pages of cirriculum, talked to many Moms about homeschooling, gotten so many points of view, a majority positive.  We have taken this to the Lord, knowing full out that we want God's will to be done in this and not our own.  If it is God's desire for our children to be in public school (knowing that they may be the only children who bring Christ to the school), or to be homeschooled, we want it to be His decision. 


My husband and I have been having discussions about it for weeks now, both of us are not quite on the same page yet.  We are still waiting on our answer from God.  God knows what is best for our children and He wants to give us the best option for them.  Even though I am very passionate for homeschooling, that may not be what God is passionate about for our children.   Even though my husband is very passionate about public school, that may not be what is God is passionate about for our children.  James 4:3 says "you ask and do not recieve because you ask wrongly, so you can spend it on your passions. "  I constantly pray that God's will would be done in this, not our own. 


I have no problem with the way my childrens school has educated my daughter so far and our youngest will be going to junior kindergarden (preschool basically for you Americans reading this.  Canada has two kindergardens, JK is not manditory)   I have liked the teachers, I like the programs.   But they are bringing much more home with them than just their education and that is also something we need control of. 


Im not afraid of our children not being socialized, I know homeschooled children get alot of socializing in other places than a school yard.  Im not afraid of not being able to teach them what they need to know because I know God will give me the strength to get through the tough moments.  I know that even the teachers have a hard time getting things organized, no one who educates is perfect. I sometimes worry about the critisism we are recieving from people who dont understand why we would do it, or if we can do it.  But God keeps reminding me that its not up to them, that its up to Him and my husband and I, and thats it!
Prayer prayer prayer.  Everytime I look at my children Im praying for our answer.  Every time I look at our diningroom table I pray for an answer, their backpacks, their sneakers.  Everything latley reminds me of our options.  

 Luke 11:9-10  “So I tell you: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened"

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply your every need according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

We sit and we pray and we wait for the answer God has for us.  Waiting for the green light for whatever it is.  Somedays more paitient than others, but always waiting on God to show us the way.  And if you are reading this and feel compeled to pray for God decision in this as well, I thank you in advance, we appreciate it and will let everyone know His decision. 

unforced rhythms of grace ~ No shipping and handling fee's

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rythms of grace

  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt 11:28-30 (MSG)

 Bare with me here, these thoughts are just pouring into me as I write this.

When I first read Matthew 11 in the Message I chucked because it almost sounds like a late night infomercial.  Could you see Jesus, acting like Vince from ShamWow, saying "Its only for a limited time ... I cant do this all day!"  (and yet have you noticed Vince has been doing that for years now? *grin*)

Could you see Jesus walking down the green screen "beach" talking about the freedom He gives us when we trust in Him?  Im just giggling as I write this, as serious as the topic is- salvation- God has given me these thoughts tonight I think to give me a chuckle after a long day.

In a way this statement makes sense, It is only for a limited time- only while we walk this Earth does Christ promise this 'recovering of our life'.  Its not like we are going to be able to say to God "Im sorry" while we are facing Him in judgement and havent accepted Christ as our Savior.  Think He's going to be like "oh okay if you are sorry then come on in even though you denied my Son your whole life?"

Thats not how this works.

Christ does "do this all day" though, He seeks us out. His Spirit calls to us gently.  Some people feel God for the first time and say "what is happening to me! Why am I feeling this way!"  The first time I felt God I bawled like a baby, it was tears of so many emotions, it was amazing.  Some people dont know what to do with that, do we go with the flow or return it and ask for a refund because its just "not the way people do things anymore."  Theres no small print, God gave us His word to tell us how it is.  Theres no `catch`` God craves a relationship with all of us.  His "infomercial" is in the Bible, His Spirit is the one who delivers this love right to your heart, removing your sin free of charge and replacing it with Holy Spirit. 
I heard Francis Chan once say:

"Its not Jesus plus good works, plus rituals.  Its just Jesus alone. Its not Jesus OR something else, God provided one way to spend friendship with him forever. The God of the universe is crazy about you and screaming out for your attention so dont just walk away and go back to your routine, this could be the greatest day of your life. Stop and have faith. "

Let all the trees of the forest sing for joy!

I am a huge tree hugger. Big on nature.  I love moss between my toes,  the crisp smell of autumn as we are collecting leaves... I must joke every autumn that if I could bottle the smell of Fall I would wear it all year.   We live a "crunchy" lifestyle when we are able too.  I feel God's presence in nature.  Not that He is the nature, but that He has given it to us to show His beauty and strength. 

When the wind blows I feel how amazing it feels, I admire the fact that His Spirit feels even better than that. 

When its just about to rain... and theres that amazing scent in the air, He must smell even better than that. 

When the sun is shining in the summer and its that perfect day... His presence when we meet Him face to face, it will feel even better than that. 

When Im out barefoot running I pray as I go through paths in the bush, down the bike trails along the river and creeks.  I thank Him for creating such beauty.  As I look at the trees and how tall they grow, its just amazing to me. The branches pruned and trunks knotted...years of change, growth, repair, bending, rising.   My son has taken a fascination with the tree's latley, hugging almost every single one as we go by.  Looking up high into their branches (as you can see to the right)  and going "WOW!"  Its so adorable.  To think God created these mightly oaks and the tiny ants that crawl up its trunk.  To think all this remains rooted as the earth spins at around 1,670 Km an hour.  I remain rooted in Christ as I sit in awe of all that He made. As the creek bubbles and flows whispering "This is nothing, just wait till you see what He has for us in eternity."    I love teaching them about how our Lord created all of this and we need to respect it, keep it lush and green so future generations can enjoy it as well.  He has created such a balance we should try hard to respect.  Jean E Syswerda had this poem I discovered in my Womens Devotional Bible and I came across it last fall.  I really love it.  All these noises of nature, praises to Him.  I love dancing and singing to these melodies, giving thanks. 

 

God is bigger than the Mailman

Even I had a five minute moment of panic about this Canadian Postal Strike where postal workers did not give their 48 hours notice and walked off the job.   How am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to do this, do that?  (Guess direct deposit is a good idea after all eh?)  I read posts from people on Facebook pages about medical supplies that come in the mail, formula for babies, things of big importance to everyone.  You could feel the panic in some of these posts. 

Have we forgotten how BIG OUR GOD IS?!?

He is bigger than this delima.  You bet your booties the enemy is going to try and take firm hold of all of us and sit panic in our hearts!!!!

Jesus tells us in John 16:33  

 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

He has OVERCOME THE WORLD! How amazing a God is that and He is the one who has our backs!!!!

This is a perfect opportunity to place situations, our lives in God's hands and say "Im trusting in YOU fully." 

Writing for Him

 

Sitting around my home are journals upon journals of writings to God, prayers, notes, moments, random doodles from the children.  This is one way I walk with Him. 

I find it very comforting to open up on paper, to write freely and confident to God. 

I am able to look back and thank God as I read prayers answered, questions revealed through written Scripture I have discovered while studying His Word,  a dream, something in the day that made me smile. 

 
Sometimes I just feel so rushed in prayer if Im not sitting down writing it out to Him.   If I feel an urge to pray, sometimes I will grab my journal and start writing, if I am interupted I feel it easier sometimes to be able to put the pen down and carry on where I left off. 

When I was young I used to have a diary.  I used to write about my days events. This is much the same, except I am sharing it with Christ.  Someday even my children might stumble upon them and glance at the pages and see prayers answered that may have not even be answered in my lifetime. 


Prayers can be 6 pages long somedays, sometimes only a paragraph.


It works for me.  My relationship with Christ builds on these pages. I can look back and reflect. 

Notes from a service, key words, scripture, examples. All can be written out and soaked up later. 

Revelations from Christ can be forever treasured.

Humbled and thankful

I got ready for worship Sunday morning.  We had the music cranked. Music loudly proclaiming the love Christ has for us, and that we have for Him.  The children were dancing,  we were singing, jumping, raising our hands.  Getting pumped to worship our Lord and Saviour, after a strange week, I was ready to call out and praise Him proudly.  We left singing up the road, laughing, and just so filled with praise for God.  He indeed showed me things this week that helped me through these past moments.
While during worship though I felt God asking me to humble myself.  I felt my knee's literally wanting to give in.... I had only just started to raise my hands in worship months before... I had never felt the urge to kneel before God in worship.  I felt Him calling me to just sit with Him awhile.  Thats it..thats all. 
I was a bit thrown off by this.  I was a bit shocked with this...this is not what I had planned.  Not in the least.

Why should it be what I plan..shouldnt it be what He plans for me even in this?

I had no choice. Either I did as I felt God calling me to do, or I refused because of whatever foolish reasons that were bubbling around in my head... he humbled me to a level I had not experienced before...


Sitting with Jesus, quietly, thankfully and peacefully during worship.  Just in awe of His love.  A refreshing moment after dealing with feelings of stress and struggle. 


I am thankful. 

Thankful for humbling
2#  a husbands growing understanding and cravings for God
3#  pottery with children allowing creativity to flow.
4#  silent prayer in the middle of the night, the feeling of His protection
5#  the crisp breeze passing over
6#  family fellowship over food and laughter
7# music
8# making tents on the front lawn
9# girls playing dressup, finding that great friend and laughing histarically at the sound of frogs
10# the smile of a two year old digging into an orange.
11# prayer walks
12# granny squares
13# sheeps wool between my fingers
14# the imagination of children, seeping out and into you
15# container planters of flowers and lettuce
16# watering cans spilt gently by a child

Sharing a blog post about gender neutrality

There has been a load of talk on Facebook, blogs and news about "gender neutrality".  I wasnt sure what to think of it.  I read various opinions on it.  Some of my friends have very strong opinions towards one side or the other.  Both sides have interesting arguments and I havent really felt much desire to get in on the discussion until the past few days and I wont go into huge detail on my opinions but I wanted to share this beautiful blog post by Hippie Housewife called  Gender: Neutral or different?


She writes  "I feel as though gender neutrality is so heavily pushed now, particularly in certain circles, that kids are actually discouraged from being interested in traditionally “gendered” activities. I question the health in that, as I feel it promotes a lot of unnecessary shame."


I really think she is right. The fact of the matter is that God doesn't make mistakes.  God created us all individually, and I think we need to embrace it, and not hide any part of our children from themselves.  If my parents decided to not tell people my gender, and someone came to them as I was getting to the age where I would understand what they were talking about and they said "we are not telling people what the child's gender is."  This would shoot guilt, fear, anxiety, sadness, failure, shame, hate into my soul.  The fact that my very own parents cannot embrace Gods entire creation could shatter a persons being. 


By hiding a child's gender we are hiding a peice of their identity. There God given identity. God knit us together, and when parents start slipping stitches off and leaving holes, spirits will feel unfinished. Lets allow these children to explore life, embrase ALL of it, learn, experience what God wants for them without messing things up any further than they need to be.

Psalm 139:13  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Christ's "Hush"

I have felt inspired to slow down in life. To not say "hurry up" so much. 
Its my downfall

Last night I sat with my two year old son, and just watched him, as he delighted in the light of the moon peering through our livingroom window.  The thoughts that must have been going through his mind as he gazed up into the night sky. Complete fascination.  Total joy.  There was total joy for me watching him discover, and take in what he was in that moment. Not thinking of a moment later.

A journey to pick wild flowers and look for nature can still be rushed if you look at a clock.  I am very horrible at this. Capturing a moment, but for too short a time.  I stopped to to ask myself today- "what on earth do we really have to do at home right now?"  I still captured myself in words like "come on we gotta get going now."  Do we really?  Or is it okay to stare at an ant for more than 2 minutes? Was there a reason to rush home besides laundry and dishes that will always over keep their welcome anyways.  So we stayed, and we played, only moments from our home, discovering what God wanted to show us. 

And what He showed us is always beautiful... 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God"- Psalms 46:10

Where do we get off... (meditating on talent television)

Sitting here tonight, a certain television show on our tv.  These are shows I normally enjoy, they are normally shows that I would giggle at the people who go on who arent exactically talented to our eyes.  But I really feel this gut check happening latley saying "where do you get off laughing at people who are truly doing something they love?" 
Someone sings off key, someone doesnt dance like a professional, and they get laughed at, boo'd, thrown off.  I understand these shows are to find the best of the best.  But really, what is the best?  This is the worlds view of best.  This hurts a lot of people who are doing something they love.  And we sit and judge them, call them idiots, cant wait for them to stop and go home.  Cheer when they go home.   Is this right? Am I all alone on this?  This is what our world strives on people?  Is this what Christ wants? 

I know Christ changes people, in every detail, maybe He's working in me with this, I just sit here so confused at what Im thinking.  It seems every week there is a new show on judging peoples talents.  And all of a sudden it doesnt sit well with me.   Lets talk about this shall we?

weaning

My son has nursed for 28 months, and now since Saturday I have said no more.  This wasnt a mutual decision like I hoped it would be, but one that I decided on because for the past few months I really havent enjoyed breastfeeding.  It has brought me aggitation, stress and almost resentment towards my son. 

I have been paitient with it all, praying that God would give me the ability to keep going, but the past few weeks all I could think was "Im done. Im done. D-O-N-E ....done. " 

So now I sit here, completley engorged, sore, emotional, hot (its really hot here today).  My son battled me all night (which is weird because he hasnt nursed at night in weeks), I have slept not even an hour last night.  I woke up at 6am to have a hot shower, then came down and fed my four year old some breakfast, then went upstairs weeping to my husband that I just needed sleep.  He got up with our children and cleaned the house and even took them to the park while I rested till almost lunchtime.  I cannot express how greatful I am for that.  The thought of cleaning, moving, even walking right now brings pain to my chest LOL. 

My son had been eating terrific which is not very often he has been doing that, but I guess with no breastmilk he has no choice.  I did express some and put it in a sippy for him yesterday, in response he got angry, I dont think he liked that idea.  I tell him that they are "broken" so he looks at them and goes "awwww" in a sympathetic voice. 


So I have been praying, praying that I would just dry up, that the milk would go away!  I thank God that I was able to nurse this long, and that I have had a very generous supply even still. 

I have been praying for my hormones to not go so crazy.  They have been wonkey since I stopped, its considered normal... but with my history of depression it does frighten me.


"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" says the Lord in 2 Cor 12:9
Ahhh God, Your grace is my fuel, the fact You are here with me through all this. I find such comfort in that.  I am so greatful I am not alone even at 4am when all I want to do is scream!


the New Living Translation of Hebrews 4:16 says
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."


I never thought I would come boldly to the throne of God with something like THIS, but I have such comfort knowing that I can and that He WILL help me in this. 


There is a guilt that is inside my heart that I have been praying to be released from.  The fact that I have stopped nursing him before he has wanted to makes me feel like I am hurting him somehow.  I know that nursing for 28 months (and four years all together because I never really had much time off in between my boys), is GOOD. AWESOME. GREAT!  But ofcourse there is that nagging evil inside me saying "you have failed your son, feel sorry for yourself, your poor poor boy". 


But Jesus tells me "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you." John 14:27


He "comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:4  I have recieved amazing comfort from those who have gone through it and I know from this I will be able to help others. 

I need to press forward, we both do.  He understands he can survive without nursing, he has discovered that solid food is fantastic, and I know we will both live LOL.  All I can do through this is try to remain paitient, show nothing but love for the whole situation and remain in Christ as well.