Embracing Jesus. One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time

Over the past little while you may have noticed that I am trying to embark outward into a new bold crazy mysterious journey in my faith.  To really try to get my feet firmly planted again.  I feel for too long it has been a wishy washy in my journey with Christ.

While I know I love Jesus.  Like..I LOVE JESUS.  God is on my mind more than anything all day, I feel as though I need a jolt.  

I have claimed this journey as my own, hand in hand with Christ... sometimes though I start seeking the hands of others, and their Jesus thoughts... let me explain.

While I decided long ago I would avoid debating the crazy stuff, the tough things in Christianity that cause more division than unity,  now I face another delima.  That because I try not to let this stuff get to me, I have now sought after other people who have felt the same way- who are standing firm hands raised sending out a cry of joy saying "this is my journey, not yours, and He will guide me, not you." 

Now in searching for these people, I find myself reading their thoughts and while sometimes I sit at my computer screen or the book I am reading and screaming YES!! I also find myself comparing my journey to theirs, as if to say 'oh well she thinks this way but is seeking Him in a similar way to me.. maybe I am wrong."  I have even changed my mind about something I was so sure about because someone elses journey and that opinion they had was so convincing, then I fall down broken.

See how that can get messy?  No one has EVER told me to think this way, infact, I have always had very supportive people in my walk with Jesus, who have really shown me Christ can approach us in different ways, and they have always been supportive.  Where these thoughts and ideas of how I see the world came from I dont exactically know, but I know that it can at times hinder my walk with Jesus.

So tonight I laid in bed with our three year old and his spiderman and decided I needed to spend less time in the opinions of others, even if they are similar to mine.  That perhaps I just need to not be so involved in social media discussions, or blogging discussions... That I need to really unplug from even community online in order to seek Christ and know who I am in Him.   Im thirsty and hungry, I am weary.  Jesus says to me "come to me" 

His words can anchor me

It never comes down to what church body you attend, or how you define a certain aspect of scripture.  It never comes down to if you worship with your hands held high or you sit quietly in your seat.  It never comes down to if you are shy in your walk or you scream it from the rooftops 

It never comes down to anything but Christ.

When I start to feel confused, its never His fault.  Its the fault of me seeking Him through the wrong avenues.  Im not saying that reading blogs are wrong, or to hear people's testimonies are wrong.  If we never heard a persons testimony, we wouldnt have the New Testament.  I LOVE hearing about a persons relationship with Jesus Christ.  What I am saying is that in order for me to firmly plant myself in Him (again and again), it has to be from Him.  From His breath, from His words.  If these avenues I am seeking at the end of the day are not making me feel more strengthened in my faith then why right now do I spend so much time seeking Him on them?  God is not the author of confusion.  He said that. 

I have decided to start a blog post "series" entitled "Embracing Jesus. One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time".  This is not to convince anyone to see things my way.  This is not for anyone to think I am a Biblical Scholar, or have it all figured out. 

This is my goal: To take each paragraph that is in those beautiful red letters, the words of Christ Himself, and to meditate on them.  To see what He wants to say to me in that section of scripture.  To write it down and to really discuss it with Him.  To not move on from that scripture until He says.  I want to share them here on my blog, not so someone would ever want to compare their walk with Christ with mine because I think when we do that, since I have done that so often, we miss out on the hugeness of Christ. 

I want it to be a time of intimacy, of thought and meditation, prayer and excitement.  To rediscover Christ over again in a way I havent before. 

So here I go...

You were made for your journey

Elenaor Roosevelt once said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

I have a few girlfriends who are pregnant right now or just had babies. We love to discuss our previous births, talk about how labour is so different for each of us.  Neither one of our labours are better, and I think we all agree to that.  Each of our birthing experiences have been beautiful in their own ways, things have gone weird in their own ways.  I think we can all agree when we say that each of our children were born in the way God intended them to be born, they are all healthy children now and we can share our experiences just for the sake of sharing (or to laugh histarically at something that happened, or to help comfort for the situations that were not as we would have ever imagined.)
Not everyone is like this.  Some people really love to brag about their experience and make it about their experience even if in the momentt its about someone elses. Humans love to compeat, we love to one up.  Being someone on the recieving end of this, and the one who has been the one who has butted in my experience, trying to compare it to someone elses to make myself look good, God has really placed on my heart especially through this pregnancy to step back and realize that each persons experience is their experience He placed in their lives.  ‎2 Corinthians 10:12b NIV says When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

We are totally tearing apart and critizing our own and others experiences when we begin to compare eachothers experiences in a way that could make anothers expernience not as great as they thought.  When we try to put our experiences or expectations on another being we may not be realizing thats not part of the marvellous plan God has placed in their lives.

Im glad I have friends who embrace each persons experiences with everything.

For us wives and mothers, as women in general I feel as though we compare ourselves way too much with what we see online on blogs where we see perfection (I dont follow those anymore lol).  When we see quotes pop up on our newsfeeds on facebook about what perfect parenting looks like.  Parenting is messy, life is messy.  There is joy in every moment, but it can be downright chaotic sometimes.  Can I get an amen?  These things dont help.  Beautiful quotes, but when we put ourselves down because we dont measure up, which I am guilty of, then its not helping.

I felt myself feeling down and bummed as I got really excited to finally start a Bible study at dinner time last night (inspired by a blog post I read earlier yesterday), when all the kids were done eating, we would pull our scripture and read together.  It sounded so beautiful.  But after one kid had a melt down, another was cutting up his lasagna so small that a mouse couldnt even pick it up, and one just kept asking to go back outside, tension building and everyone more or less in a rush to do what they wanted to do... I ended up having a meltdown and the first thought that came to my head was "I dont measure up."

But this is the biggest lie that the enemy puts in us Mothers and wives faces... and for men too, but because Im a woman I will probably keep speaking to us women.

"For we are God's workmanship ("valuable masterpiece"), created in Christ Jesus to do good

works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10
This speaks to me this morning as I type this.  Three things that make me smile. 

1.  We were created in Jesus.  We were created.  Thats the keyword I am looking at.  We were not moulded by someone elses expereinces.  We were created by God.  We are His workmanship!

2.  We were created for good works-  God has good things for us to be doing.  This doesnt mean that as we follow Gods perfect plan for our lives children will automatically become perfect angels, there will never be a dirty dish in the house, everyone around us will be marvellous and we wont feel like we wanna pull our hair out, birth plans will go out the window, breastfeeding will be hell, (these are some of my experiences) but it means God still has good things to come from all the messy parts of life.  We can look at them as not nessesarily messy horrible failures, and look at them as part of our plan.  To inhale these moments as lessons and part of the experience.

3.  He prepared them for us in advance.  He's got plan for our lives.  Each individual. Not one person in the world will ever have been given the same path as another.  We may do similar things, but ultimatly in the end, each one was created by God for each person individually.  We are Gods WORKMANSHIP.  He worked hard on us.  Thought of each moment in our lives and each part of us and out of love created each of us for something amazing. 

"God will instruct him in the way chosen for him." -  Psalm 25:12

This is the other scripture that makes me smile this morning.  GOD will instruct us in the way He has chosen for us.

How many of us are allowing God to instruct us in that way?  How many of us are turning to resources that are not from God?  Even if they are from Christian writers or speakers,  are we still ultimatly turning to God before we turn to books or webpages to help us?  Gods word says he WILL instruct us on the way He has planned for us.  Not "maybe He will if all else fails", but He Will!   So this means in our parenting, birthing choices, jobs, spouces, our journey with God itself, decsisions etc.  He will instruct.  He's the ultimate teacher!  This is not to say He wont use people around you to speak His truth into your life, but we need to remember not to take their experience and try to make it our own, because the second we do that we are taking their journey and trying to fit it ontop of our own.

I think once we start embracing the journey God has for us, at least for me, all the things I thought I had to do, all the anxiety, the negativity it falls off a lot better.  I do have days, even parts of each day where the temptation is there to feel like because Im not doing it like so and so that I am not as good at it as them, but thats so not what God says for our lives and I have to declare that God has it all figured out for me. 

Embrace each journey in your life.  Whether it be children, pregnancy, your walk with Christ, marraige, work, friendships, trials.  Embrace each moment and claim it as your own.  Your journey that God wrote for you.

God..why wont you let me let this stuff go?

Sometimes I think people who are able to just forever hold on to a set of beliefs of how things are supposed to be understood have it really made.

Tonight as I write this blog post I think that way. For three or so years now I have been seeking Jesus hard. For five years before that I did as well, I attended Bible studies and I attended Church every Sunday I could. These past three years I have as well. Its not that I am hearing a different story, Im not hearing a contradicting belief or anything like that. Perhaps the approach is a tad different, but something has happened in these past few years, what exactically I am not sure, but I have a gazillion questions that I dont feel anyone can fully answer but Jesus.

Jesus I just only want YOU

I have gotten to the point where I humble myself as a follower of Jesus and say "I truly honestly dont know everything about the Bible, about God, about alot that is discussed."

But I know my Jesus.

And it scares me when I start to think the Bible itself contradicts itself, when His followers turned it into a religion so fast (which I believe Jesus came to abolish but thats a whole other topic), I cannot.... I cannot loose my Jesus.  Even if everything else I was thinking was whatever I start too...

I know Jesus answers prayer, I know Jesus heals.  I know God provides.  I know He is the Great I Am and I know there is power in His name.  The most awesome power.  How do I know?  I am a walking testimony, my family is a walking testamony of what Christ can do. 
Im so so so friggen tired of crying everynight because Im scared.  I am so f'ing scared.  All I can do is pray that Jesus doesnt let go of me.  I am clinging to His feet because His teachings were beautiful and His teachings can change the world if we got past all the politics and hatred that has someone stupidly come along with it.

Jesus dont let go of me.  Candace dont let go of Jesus.

Just pray for me.  That He will answer my questions this year.  Im a big hormonal pregnant ball of mess that seems to get it for about a week, and then looses it for a day or so. 

He DOES want to show me something.  What it is, I have no flippen clue.  But ask and you shall recieve right.

I wait at the recieving end.  Come Lord Jesus.

Even in the messes

Even in the messes, when things are just a bunch of colours swirling around like crazy, when nothing

makes any sense.  There is an oportunity to find hope.
I had the amazing opportunity to see this man, David Garibaldi, live doing his amazing artwork.  This peice in the video fits so perfectly with what Christ can do for all of us in our lives, when things are all crazy and upside down...He is there.  And He is waiting for us to cry out and take His hand.  What an amazing journey it is.