Embracing Jesus- John 1:36-39

John said even he wasn't worthy to untie the sandals of Christ in John 1:27, and yet this Jesus, this amazing Jesus came to him, and to many, and comes to each of us when we call, none of us worthy, but he is more than willing.

My first "Embracing Jesus One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time" scripture came to a bit of a surprise to me.  I had not even opened my Bible before I decided to do this to see what I would read first , I did not decide which of the accounts I would use, but I opened to John,  so I will be using John.

The first red letters I found were on the second page in my Bible in the book of John.  And as I read them, I smiled and laughed.   In the notorious words of myself  "I literally LOL'd."

John 1:36-39 (NIV)

When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!".  When the two disciples heard him say this they followed Jesus.  Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked "What do you want?"  They said "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"  "Come" he replied, "and you will see."  

This makes me think of all sorts of things, but the first thing that came to my mind is the simplicity of Christ in this moment.  His first words He spoke to them were "come".  He did not give them a list of reasons why, but just "come".  He did not ask them about their history, their backgrounds, who were their friends, or anything like that.  He did not ask if they were perfect, if they had life figured out, he just told them to "come"


I am literally sitting back in my chair trying to elaborate on this and I simply cant.  I have gotten more out of this four letter word than in a million reads I have done lately,  as I discovered Him speak it to them on these pages and to me that I can only sit in awe.  They wanted to know where Jesus was staying... and when I read that I wanted to answer it for them for their future "In you!"  But He had not told them that, He was still flesh walking across the dirt.  He did not have a permanent residence, until He rose and filled His believers up with Himself and this was long after He spoke these words.  Our bodies become His temple, His resting place.  He was about to show them that and so much more.  Goosebumps.

Embracing Jesus. One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time

Over the past little while you may have noticed that I am trying to embark outward into a new bold crazy mysterious journey in my faith.  To really try to get my feet firmly planted again.  I feel for too long it has been a wishy washy in my journey with Christ.

While I know I love Jesus.  Like..I LOVE JESUS.  God is on my mind more than anything all day, I feel as though I need a jolt.  

I have claimed this journey as my own, hand in hand with Christ... sometimes though I start seeking the hands of others, and their Jesus thoughts... let me explain.

While I decided long ago I would avoid debating the crazy stuff, the tough things in Christianity that cause more division than unity,  now I face another delima.  That because I try not to let this stuff get to me, I have now sought after other people who have felt the same way- who are standing firm hands raised sending out a cry of joy saying "this is my journey, not yours, and He will guide me, not you." 

Now in searching for these people, I find myself reading their thoughts and while sometimes I sit at my computer screen or the book I am reading and screaming YES!! I also find myself comparing my journey to theirs, as if to say 'oh well she thinks this way but is seeking Him in a similar way to me.. maybe I am wrong."  I have even changed my mind about something I was so sure about because someone elses journey and that opinion they had was so convincing, then I fall down broken.

See how that can get messy?  No one has EVER told me to think this way, infact, I have always had very supportive people in my walk with Jesus, who have really shown me Christ can approach us in different ways, and they have always been supportive.  Where these thoughts and ideas of how I see the world came from I dont exactically know, but I know that it can at times hinder my walk with Jesus.

So tonight I laid in bed with our three year old and his spiderman and decided I needed to spend less time in the opinions of others, even if they are similar to mine.  That perhaps I just need to not be so involved in social media discussions, or blogging discussions... That I need to really unplug from even community online in order to seek Christ and know who I am in Him.   Im thirsty and hungry, I am weary.  Jesus says to me "come to me" 

His words can anchor me

It never comes down to what church body you attend, or how you define a certain aspect of scripture.  It never comes down to if you worship with your hands held high or you sit quietly in your seat.  It never comes down to if you are shy in your walk or you scream it from the rooftops 

It never comes down to anything but Christ.

When I start to feel confused, its never His fault.  Its the fault of me seeking Him through the wrong avenues.  Im not saying that reading blogs are wrong, or to hear people's testimonies are wrong.  If we never heard a persons testimony, we wouldnt have the New Testament.  I LOVE hearing about a persons relationship with Jesus Christ.  What I am saying is that in order for me to firmly plant myself in Him (again and again), it has to be from Him.  From His breath, from His words.  If these avenues I am seeking at the end of the day are not making me feel more strengthened in my faith then why right now do I spend so much time seeking Him on them?  God is not the author of confusion.  He said that. 

I have decided to start a blog post "series" entitled "Embracing Jesus. One Red Letter Paragraph At A Time".  This is not to convince anyone to see things my way.  This is not for anyone to think I am a Biblical Scholar, or have it all figured out. 

This is my goal: To take each paragraph that is in those beautiful red letters, the words of Christ Himself, and to meditate on them.  To see what He wants to say to me in that section of scripture.  To write it down and to really discuss it with Him.  To not move on from that scripture until He says.  I want to share them here on my blog, not so someone would ever want to compare their walk with Christ with mine because I think when we do that, since I have done that so often, we miss out on the hugeness of Christ. 

I want it to be a time of intimacy, of thought and meditation, prayer and excitement.  To rediscover Christ over again in a way I havent before. 

So here I go...

God..why wont you let me let this stuff go?

Sometimes I think people who are able to just forever hold on to a set of beliefs of how things are supposed to be understood have it really made.

Tonight as I write this blog post I think that way. For three or so years now I have been seeking Jesus hard. For five years before that I did as well, I attended Bible studies and I attended Church every Sunday I could. These past three years I have as well. Its not that I am hearing a different story, Im not hearing a contradicting belief or anything like that. Perhaps the approach is a tad different, but something has happened in these past few years, what exactically I am not sure, but I have a gazillion questions that I dont feel anyone can fully answer but Jesus.

Jesus I just only want YOU

I have gotten to the point where I humble myself as a follower of Jesus and say "I truly honestly dont know everything about the Bible, about God, about alot that is discussed."

But I know my Jesus.

And it scares me when I start to think the Bible itself contradicts itself, when His followers turned it into a religion so fast (which I believe Jesus came to abolish but thats a whole other topic), I cannot.... I cannot loose my Jesus.  Even if everything else I was thinking was whatever I start too...

I know Jesus answers prayer, I know Jesus heals.  I know God provides.  I know He is the Great I Am and I know there is power in His name.  The most awesome power.  How do I know?  I am a walking testimony, my family is a walking testamony of what Christ can do. 
Im so so so friggen tired of crying everynight because Im scared.  I am so f'ing scared.  All I can do is pray that Jesus doesnt let go of me.  I am clinging to His feet because His teachings were beautiful and His teachings can change the world if we got past all the politics and hatred that has someone stupidly come along with it.

Jesus dont let go of me.  Candace dont let go of Jesus.

Just pray for me.  That He will answer my questions this year.  Im a big hormonal pregnant ball of mess that seems to get it for about a week, and then looses it for a day or so. 

He DOES want to show me something.  What it is, I have no flippen clue.  But ask and you shall recieve right.

I wait at the recieving end.  Come Lord Jesus.

His Grace.

My daughter picks up knitting again and again, trying to knit something, anything.  Her gauge much too wide, then much to tight.  Tears flow and she feels like she is the worst knitter in the world.  She is reminded that she isnt the worst, but learning, and even the best most accomplished knitters in the world started off just like that.  I remind her of the beautiful yarn she spun only a week ago, beautiful colours, the weight of the yarn, wispy then worsted, fingering to bulky.  She asks if that is okay.  It is okay because it is her expression of how that roving should spin.  People pay loads of money for yarn that is purposefully made to be a bit crazy... It doesnt have to be streamlined perfect.  Its art yarn!  Shifting our view of what she created to a different perspective from it being a bunch of mistakes to something beautiful. 

Its been warm, the kids run outside in t-shirts on the 8th November day (although a sweater would probably be better). Still tempted to run outside barefoot while laughing histarically at eachothers ideas and excitement.  Our two year old outside in winter boots, a t-shirt and a diaper...so Canadian.  These kids love to be outside. My son cries because he didnt win the one race, and there has to be a discussion on what the importance is of playing with friends. Its not about winning or loosing, its about fun and love. teamwork.  They continue on playing and for now, there has been no more tears.


Watching my chidren as they have challenges come against them reminds me more and more of how fragile our minds and hearts are... how fragile and full of pride my mind and heart can be and is a lot more than it should be.  Even when we know we are loved deeply and fully by Jesus, how His love covers all our hurts, we still get worked up and at times fall apart.  Anger can sink in and there is that "not good enough" feeling that creeps in.  Even though God's amazing Grace covers us and fills in those holes that we feel we have created. 

We are doing a book study in Life Group at our Church, by  Francis Frangipane called "Holiness, Truth and the Presence of God".   As we dig into Part Two:  The Spirit of Grace, the first paragraph on the page of Chaper Five spoke to me loud

"If you hear a teaching and feel as though it were unattainable in your condition, you have only heard half the message. you missed the grace that is always resident in the heart of God's truth.  Truth without grace is only half true.  Remember this always:  grace and truth are realized in Jesus Christ (John 1:17-For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.)  What God's truth demands, His grace will provide."

I think the past few weeks I have really been forgetting that God is full of Grace.  Loaded to the brim with it.  I have felt definatly less than worthy of God's goodness and to be in His Kingdom.  When I feel like this I feel like hiding from God.  Kinda hard when He is in my heart! I have felt inadequate and very discourraged because I have forgotten about God's Grace...I have said it again and again, and heard it but time and time again latley I never really thought it.  Really sat and reflected on it.  He is a good God and He loves me.  He provides the grace and forgiveness.  I belong to Him and I need to drawn nearer and nearer to Him when I feel inadequate because He is the only one who can make me feel adequate.  His Grace is enough.