You were made for your journey

Elenaor Roosevelt once said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

I have a few girlfriends who are pregnant right now or just had babies. We love to discuss our previous births, talk about how labour is so different for each of us.  Neither one of our labours are better, and I think we all agree to that.  Each of our birthing experiences have been beautiful in their own ways, things have gone weird in their own ways.  I think we can all agree when we say that each of our children were born in the way God intended them to be born, they are all healthy children now and we can share our experiences just for the sake of sharing (or to laugh histarically at something that happened, or to help comfort for the situations that were not as we would have ever imagined.)
Not everyone is like this.  Some people really love to brag about their experience and make it about their experience even if in the momentt its about someone elses. Humans love to compeat, we love to one up.  Being someone on the recieving end of this, and the one who has been the one who has butted in my experience, trying to compare it to someone elses to make myself look good, God has really placed on my heart especially through this pregnancy to step back and realize that each persons experience is their experience He placed in their lives.  ‎2 Corinthians 10:12b NIV says When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

We are totally tearing apart and critizing our own and others experiences when we begin to compare eachothers experiences in a way that could make anothers expernience not as great as they thought.  When we try to put our experiences or expectations on another being we may not be realizing thats not part of the marvellous plan God has placed in their lives.

Im glad I have friends who embrace each persons experiences with everything.

For us wives and mothers, as women in general I feel as though we compare ourselves way too much with what we see online on blogs where we see perfection (I dont follow those anymore lol).  When we see quotes pop up on our newsfeeds on facebook about what perfect parenting looks like.  Parenting is messy, life is messy.  There is joy in every moment, but it can be downright chaotic sometimes.  Can I get an amen?  These things dont help.  Beautiful quotes, but when we put ourselves down because we dont measure up, which I am guilty of, then its not helping.

I felt myself feeling down and bummed as I got really excited to finally start a Bible study at dinner time last night (inspired by a blog post I read earlier yesterday), when all the kids were done eating, we would pull our scripture and read together.  It sounded so beautiful.  But after one kid had a melt down, another was cutting up his lasagna so small that a mouse couldnt even pick it up, and one just kept asking to go back outside, tension building and everyone more or less in a rush to do what they wanted to do... I ended up having a meltdown and the first thought that came to my head was "I dont measure up."

But this is the biggest lie that the enemy puts in us Mothers and wives faces... and for men too, but because Im a woman I will probably keep speaking to us women.

"For we are God's workmanship ("valuable masterpiece"), created in Christ Jesus to do good

works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10
This speaks to me this morning as I type this.  Three things that make me smile. 

1.  We were created in Jesus.  We were created.  Thats the keyword I am looking at.  We were not moulded by someone elses expereinces.  We were created by God.  We are His workmanship!

2.  We were created for good works-  God has good things for us to be doing.  This doesnt mean that as we follow Gods perfect plan for our lives children will automatically become perfect angels, there will never be a dirty dish in the house, everyone around us will be marvellous and we wont feel like we wanna pull our hair out, birth plans will go out the window, breastfeeding will be hell, (these are some of my experiences) but it means God still has good things to come from all the messy parts of life.  We can look at them as not nessesarily messy horrible failures, and look at them as part of our plan.  To inhale these moments as lessons and part of the experience.

3.  He prepared them for us in advance.  He's got plan for our lives.  Each individual. Not one person in the world will ever have been given the same path as another.  We may do similar things, but ultimatly in the end, each one was created by God for each person individually.  We are Gods WORKMANSHIP.  He worked hard on us.  Thought of each moment in our lives and each part of us and out of love created each of us for something amazing. 

"God will instruct him in the way chosen for him." -  Psalm 25:12

This is the other scripture that makes me smile this morning.  GOD will instruct us in the way He has chosen for us.

How many of us are allowing God to instruct us in that way?  How many of us are turning to resources that are not from God?  Even if they are from Christian writers or speakers,  are we still ultimatly turning to God before we turn to books or webpages to help us?  Gods word says he WILL instruct us on the way He has planned for us.  Not "maybe He will if all else fails", but He Will!   So this means in our parenting, birthing choices, jobs, spouces, our journey with God itself, decsisions etc.  He will instruct.  He's the ultimate teacher!  This is not to say He wont use people around you to speak His truth into your life, but we need to remember not to take their experience and try to make it our own, because the second we do that we are taking their journey and trying to fit it ontop of our own.

I think once we start embracing the journey God has for us, at least for me, all the things I thought I had to do, all the anxiety, the negativity it falls off a lot better.  I do have days, even parts of each day where the temptation is there to feel like because Im not doing it like so and so that I am not as good at it as them, but thats so not what God says for our lives and I have to declare that God has it all figured out for me. 

Embrace each journey in your life.  Whether it be children, pregnancy, your walk with Christ, marraige, work, friendships, trials.  Embrace each moment and claim it as your own.  Your journey that God wrote for you.

Understanding God will be my comfort in childbirth

We are hitting our last trimester... Where did the time go.  In the words of my friend Daisy Im going to need my own postal code soon, I feel this little girl is running out of room in there, Im starting to see elbows poking out and you can really feel her kick.  Its a truly amazing blessing to feel a life growing inside you.  I have very much enjoyed carrying this girl, and as she begins to get bigger and we hit the home stretch of only 12 more weeks (which will happen super fast Im sure), I realize that the time for birth is coming soon. 

I started looking into water births yesterday.  Started to talk to moms who have been there about the pros and the cons.  Started reading lots and lots.  The cons started to outweigh the pros in our case.  Would there be room in our house for a birthing tub? (We are planning to have her at home)  Would there be time?  Is it what I really really want to do?  "Birthing plans"  can be overwhelming.  This labour will be different because it is a new experience, a new birth.  My three previous births were all very different from eachother.  A Mother can never fully prepare for labour, and Im sure it never ever goes 100% according to the plan.  But I cant help but try and figure it out. 

 

So then I laid in bed, almost stressed out about this birth and it was like God said "You have allowed me to take care of this pregnancy thus far, I will take care of your labour as well."

And the more I think about it, I dont want to make anything other than God my comfort measure, my "epidural" my "birthing tub".  There is no subsitute for God.  He is our comforter, our provider, our sheild.  He's madly in love with His children and ofcourse that means even during birth!  For myself and this child inside, He is fully capable of taking control. 

So I begin approaching this different. I planned on having worship music playing, Scripture near by and in my heart, definatly prayer, but these things I never put in the place of PRIORITY during birth.  Up until last night they were secondary.  But God wants to be first.

He wants me to seek Him continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says Search the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him (NLT).  That means all the time.  Even during contractions, during transition, during things that may go wrong.  To never panic

(Philippians 4:6-7), or feel as if I cannot do it, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

I understand Gods power, I understand what He has poured out for me, and that Holy Spirit dwells within me and I have the ability to approach God with anything.  He see's the begining to the end.  There are no surprises.  He's already gotten it all under His control.  He is bigger.  It all comes down to trust.

So this is where I put down my stress about birth, about how its going to go down.  What position I wanna be in, where I wanna be in the home, and lay this birth down at God's feet, like I did with the pregnancy and say "have Your way Lord."  24 hours of stressing out about a birth I ultimatly in the end have little control over was 24 hours too long.  Time to shift it over to the One who gave birth to the entire universe, and allow Him to comfort me while brining Tehillah into the world. 

God..why wont you let me let this stuff go?

Sometimes I think people who are able to just forever hold on to a set of beliefs of how things are supposed to be understood have it really made.

Tonight as I write this blog post I think that way. For three or so years now I have been seeking Jesus hard. For five years before that I did as well, I attended Bible studies and I attended Church every Sunday I could. These past three years I have as well. Its not that I am hearing a different story, Im not hearing a contradicting belief or anything like that. Perhaps the approach is a tad different, but something has happened in these past few years, what exactically I am not sure, but I have a gazillion questions that I dont feel anyone can fully answer but Jesus.

Jesus I just only want YOU

I have gotten to the point where I humble myself as a follower of Jesus and say "I truly honestly dont know everything about the Bible, about God, about alot that is discussed."

But I know my Jesus.

And it scares me when I start to think the Bible itself contradicts itself, when His followers turned it into a religion so fast (which I believe Jesus came to abolish but thats a whole other topic), I cannot.... I cannot loose my Jesus.  Even if everything else I was thinking was whatever I start too...

I know Jesus answers prayer, I know Jesus heals.  I know God provides.  I know He is the Great I Am and I know there is power in His name.  The most awesome power.  How do I know?  I am a walking testimony, my family is a walking testamony of what Christ can do. 
Im so so so friggen tired of crying everynight because Im scared.  I am so f'ing scared.  All I can do is pray that Jesus doesnt let go of me.  I am clinging to His feet because His teachings were beautiful and His teachings can change the world if we got past all the politics and hatred that has someone stupidly come along with it.

Jesus dont let go of me.  Candace dont let go of Jesus.

Just pray for me.  That He will answer my questions this year.  Im a big hormonal pregnant ball of mess that seems to get it for about a week, and then looses it for a day or so. 

He DOES want to show me something.  What it is, I have no flippen clue.  But ask and you shall recieve right.

I wait at the recieving end.  Come Lord Jesus.

His Grace.

My daughter picks up knitting again and again, trying to knit something, anything.  Her gauge much too wide, then much to tight.  Tears flow and she feels like she is the worst knitter in the world.  She is reminded that she isnt the worst, but learning, and even the best most accomplished knitters in the world started off just like that.  I remind her of the beautiful yarn she spun only a week ago, beautiful colours, the weight of the yarn, wispy then worsted, fingering to bulky.  She asks if that is okay.  It is okay because it is her expression of how that roving should spin.  People pay loads of money for yarn that is purposefully made to be a bit crazy... It doesnt have to be streamlined perfect.  Its art yarn!  Shifting our view of what she created to a different perspective from it being a bunch of mistakes to something beautiful. 

Its been warm, the kids run outside in t-shirts on the 8th November day (although a sweater would probably be better). Still tempted to run outside barefoot while laughing histarically at eachothers ideas and excitement.  Our two year old outside in winter boots, a t-shirt and a diaper...so Canadian.  These kids love to be outside. My son cries because he didnt win the one race, and there has to be a discussion on what the importance is of playing with friends. Its not about winning or loosing, its about fun and love. teamwork.  They continue on playing and for now, there has been no more tears.


Watching my chidren as they have challenges come against them reminds me more and more of how fragile our minds and hearts are... how fragile and full of pride my mind and heart can be and is a lot more than it should be.  Even when we know we are loved deeply and fully by Jesus, how His love covers all our hurts, we still get worked up and at times fall apart.  Anger can sink in and there is that "not good enough" feeling that creeps in.  Even though God's amazing Grace covers us and fills in those holes that we feel we have created. 

We are doing a book study in Life Group at our Church, by  Francis Frangipane called "Holiness, Truth and the Presence of God".   As we dig into Part Two:  The Spirit of Grace, the first paragraph on the page of Chaper Five spoke to me loud

"If you hear a teaching and feel as though it were unattainable in your condition, you have only heard half the message. you missed the grace that is always resident in the heart of God's truth.  Truth without grace is only half true.  Remember this always:  grace and truth are realized in Jesus Christ (John 1:17-For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.)  What God's truth demands, His grace will provide."

I think the past few weeks I have really been forgetting that God is full of Grace.  Loaded to the brim with it.  I have felt definatly less than worthy of God's goodness and to be in His Kingdom.  When I feel like this I feel like hiding from God.  Kinda hard when He is in my heart! I have felt inadequate and very discourraged because I have forgotten about God's Grace...I have said it again and again, and heard it but time and time again latley I never really thought it.  Really sat and reflected on it.  He is a good God and He loves me.  He provides the grace and forgiveness.  I belong to Him and I need to drawn nearer and nearer to Him when I feel inadequate because He is the only one who can make me feel adequate.  His Grace is enough. 

Even in the messes

Even in the messes, when things are just a bunch of colours swirling around like crazy, when nothing

makes any sense.  There is an oportunity to find hope.
I had the amazing opportunity to see this man, David Garibaldi, live doing his amazing artwork.  This peice in the video fits so perfectly with what Christ can do for all of us in our lives, when things are all crazy and upside down...He is there.  And He is waiting for us to cry out and take His hand.  What an amazing journey it is. 

Making an autumn shift....

I need to learn something so basic.  I need to grasp and fully comprehend something so simple, so childlike that it almost makes me laugh and terrify me at the same time.  As I've mentioned, autumn is a time of struggle for me spiritually.  I need to grasp something sooo sooo basic.  God created the autumn.  God created it for our enjoyment.  Its part of the cycle of how nature runs here and its beauty is something He created and it is for His purposes. 


So simple right?

But I associate it with the years I was pagan, the years I practiced wicca,  the years I followed the devil.   halloween, my little parties out in the woods summoning things that I dont dare even talk about these days.  I associate it with the begining of the school year when I would start to skip school to hang out and drink or get high.  I associate it with dying my hair red to match the leaves colours.  I associate it with things not of Christ and therefore my struggle chugs on each time that beautiful scent of fall hits the wind.  A scent I crave but hate at the same time.  Its my favorite time of the year and my least favorite time all in the same breath.

This is my goal this fall, to totally change my views of the season I crave to love most with Christ. 



Im running for this simple choice, to transform my way of thinking this time of year, so that the next years will be different. 
So if you see a lot more oranges, reds and yellows, the discussion of fall and autumny things more and more on here, its because Im working this out.  This has to be done.   This needs to be a season where I can embrace Christ as much as the others.   When I smell the leaves crunching beneath my feet, I need to breathe Christ.  When I hear them, it needs to remind me of His love.  Nothing else.

 James 5:7
Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.

Praise for Jesus- Walk with Him Wednesday

I used to write songs when I was a teenager, about being angry at the world, how nothing mattered.  I would scream into a microphone random rage.  Amplifers were cranked, distortion full blast. 

I have a very hard time writing for Jesus.  I dont know if its just because the journals and journals of music I wrote before were so angry, or what it is.  I have picked up my guitar on more than one occasion in my walk with Christ.  I have sang many songs that are not my own.  The past little while I felt Jesus nudging me to just play.  To play and sing to Him, about Him, about my walk.  Everytime I attempted too I got discouraged.  Our 12 string has strings missing, goes out of tune so very often... (kinda sounds like me some days)

Evenings after the kids go to bed, I usually put on worship music, new and old, and just relax. 

This past Friday night I was trying to learn a song on the guitar, and it wasnt working, I decided that I would play random notes and remembering Ann's post from this day,  I realized that in this moment could be time for worship.   It didnt all flow perfect at times, but I felt such a presence of our Lord. Even in the parts I edited out, where I didnt even know what to say, It felt right.   I wanted to share some of it with you. 

Our Church received a program for my daughters class to talk about worship.  I found this out on Sunday.  I thought, how funny is this that something that has been on my heart is now also going to be taught in her class!  We can really start to have conversations on it.  She was up in her room Monday with our guitar, writing songs for Jesus.  Just songs on how wonderful He has been to her, just regular conversations of thanks.  So simple and beautiful.  They just flowed.  She knows no chords, she doesnt know exactically how to hold this big instrument in her six year old hands,

 but it was still beautiful praise...

This is I think where worship is at for me right now.  To be free in it, to be free in Christ to raise my hands if I feel the urge, to kneel, to dance and laugh or cry and weap.  Worship has so many emotions in it.  They are not just melodies and lyrics, there is feeling and prayer to them as well.  If we are just harmonizing with those around us, but not focused on bringing glory to Christ, then are we doing it right?  I love it when the harmonizing is between me and Jesus.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ~ Colossians 3:16

Not everyone sings on key, or can play even a beat.  Some people sing quiet, or belt it out. Some with hymn books, others with projection screens and new music, some original, some inspired, some with drums and electric guitar, others with organ and piano.  I dont think it matters.  Singing in your car, singing in the shower, humming as you lull young ones to sleep.  All of it can be praise to God.  It doesnt matter how you sound to those around you... it matters though that you are doing it for HIM.  I think thats what He has been trying to show me

My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. ~ Psalm 71:23



Will we homeschool??

Since the end of the school year I have felt this almost desperation to homeschool our children. I have been on countless webpages, looked at pages and pages of cirriculum, talked to many Moms about homeschooling, gotten so many points of view, a majority positive.  We have taken this to the Lord, knowing full out that we want God's will to be done in this and not our own.  If it is God's desire for our children to be in public school (knowing that they may be the only children who bring Christ to the school), or to be homeschooled, we want it to be His decision. 


My husband and I have been having discussions about it for weeks now, both of us are not quite on the same page yet.  We are still waiting on our answer from God.  God knows what is best for our children and He wants to give us the best option for them.  Even though I am very passionate for homeschooling, that may not be what God is passionate about for our children.   Even though my husband is very passionate about public school, that may not be what is God is passionate about for our children.  James 4:3 says "you ask and do not recieve because you ask wrongly, so you can spend it on your passions. "  I constantly pray that God's will would be done in this, not our own. 


I have no problem with the way my childrens school has educated my daughter so far and our youngest will be going to junior kindergarden (preschool basically for you Americans reading this.  Canada has two kindergardens, JK is not manditory)   I have liked the teachers, I like the programs.   But they are bringing much more home with them than just their education and that is also something we need control of. 


Im not afraid of our children not being socialized, I know homeschooled children get alot of socializing in other places than a school yard.  Im not afraid of not being able to teach them what they need to know because I know God will give me the strength to get through the tough moments.  I know that even the teachers have a hard time getting things organized, no one who educates is perfect. I sometimes worry about the critisism we are recieving from people who dont understand why we would do it, or if we can do it.  But God keeps reminding me that its not up to them, that its up to Him and my husband and I, and thats it!
Prayer prayer prayer.  Everytime I look at my children Im praying for our answer.  Every time I look at our diningroom table I pray for an answer, their backpacks, their sneakers.  Everything latley reminds me of our options.  

 Luke 11:9-10  “So I tell you: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened"

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply your every need according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

We sit and we pray and we wait for the answer God has for us.  Waiting for the green light for whatever it is.  Somedays more paitient than others, but always waiting on God to show us the way.  And if you are reading this and feel compeled to pray for God decision in this as well, I thank you in advance, we appreciate it and will let everyone know His decision. 

unforced rhythms of grace ~ No shipping and handling fee's

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rythms of grace

  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt 11:28-30 (MSG)

 Bare with me here, these thoughts are just pouring into me as I write this.

When I first read Matthew 11 in the Message I chucked because it almost sounds like a late night infomercial.  Could you see Jesus, acting like Vince from ShamWow, saying "Its only for a limited time ... I cant do this all day!"  (and yet have you noticed Vince has been doing that for years now? *grin*)

Could you see Jesus walking down the green screen "beach" talking about the freedom He gives us when we trust in Him?  Im just giggling as I write this, as serious as the topic is- salvation- God has given me these thoughts tonight I think to give me a chuckle after a long day.

In a way this statement makes sense, It is only for a limited time- only while we walk this Earth does Christ promise this 'recovering of our life'.  Its not like we are going to be able to say to God "Im sorry" while we are facing Him in judgement and havent accepted Christ as our Savior.  Think He's going to be like "oh okay if you are sorry then come on in even though you denied my Son your whole life?"

Thats not how this works.

Christ does "do this all day" though, He seeks us out. His Spirit calls to us gently.  Some people feel God for the first time and say "what is happening to me! Why am I feeling this way!"  The first time I felt God I bawled like a baby, it was tears of so many emotions, it was amazing.  Some people dont know what to do with that, do we go with the flow or return it and ask for a refund because its just "not the way people do things anymore."  Theres no small print, God gave us His word to tell us how it is.  Theres no `catch`` God craves a relationship with all of us.  His "infomercial" is in the Bible, His Spirit is the one who delivers this love right to your heart, removing your sin free of charge and replacing it with Holy Spirit. 
I heard Francis Chan once say:

"Its not Jesus plus good works, plus rituals.  Its just Jesus alone. Its not Jesus OR something else, God provided one way to spend friendship with him forever. The God of the universe is crazy about you and screaming out for your attention so dont just walk away and go back to your routine, this could be the greatest day of your life. Stop and have faith. "

Join the Applause!

This morning I stumbled across this amazing idea called "Join the Applause" Founded May 31st 2011, it is a global movement of gratitude directed at God.  "gratitude changes everything"  It is "simply a catalyst to encourage people to learn more about God through what has been created." 


God reveals Himself to people through what He created.  As my readers and friends know, Im big on discovering Gods creation and praising Him for all of it, its beauty, strength. Its awe.  When I seen that there is a movement started to just totally give God praise for His creation, I got very excited!

Psalms 19:1-2 says "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge"

Romans 1:20 "for since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse"

 

"pause, ponder, appreciate and respond appropriately to our God, the Creator of it all." Join The Applause should be something done everyday as the creators of this group have also stated, but they have made the last Saturday in June "Applause Day." THATS TODAY!!! Its a day to go outside and explore God's creation. A day to ponder, appreciate, and respond appropriately to God by Joining the Applause to Him for all that has been created.  A day to explore, a night to celebrate. The applause begins at sunset in the first time zone- New Zeland, and follows the sunset for the next 24 hours of contact applaude for our Creator. Will you join us? - Join the Applause."

www.jointheapplause.com -  there are beautiful photos taken of Gods beauty in Creation from around the world, you can upload yours as well!!! There is also a facebook and twitter connection as well.. as well as many others Im sure. This is such a great idea! I had to share it with everyone!

Let all the trees of the forest sing for joy!

I am a huge tree hugger. Big on nature.  I love moss between my toes,  the crisp smell of autumn as we are collecting leaves... I must joke every autumn that if I could bottle the smell of Fall I would wear it all year.   We live a "crunchy" lifestyle when we are able too.  I feel God's presence in nature.  Not that He is the nature, but that He has given it to us to show His beauty and strength. 

When the wind blows I feel how amazing it feels, I admire the fact that His Spirit feels even better than that. 

When its just about to rain... and theres that amazing scent in the air, He must smell even better than that. 

When the sun is shining in the summer and its that perfect day... His presence when we meet Him face to face, it will feel even better than that. 

When Im out barefoot running I pray as I go through paths in the bush, down the bike trails along the river and creeks.  I thank Him for creating such beauty.  As I look at the trees and how tall they grow, its just amazing to me. The branches pruned and trunks knotted...years of change, growth, repair, bending, rising.   My son has taken a fascination with the tree's latley, hugging almost every single one as we go by.  Looking up high into their branches (as you can see to the right)  and going "WOW!"  Its so adorable.  To think God created these mightly oaks and the tiny ants that crawl up its trunk.  To think all this remains rooted as the earth spins at around 1,670 Km an hour.  I remain rooted in Christ as I sit in awe of all that He made. As the creek bubbles and flows whispering "This is nothing, just wait till you see what He has for us in eternity."    I love teaching them about how our Lord created all of this and we need to respect it, keep it lush and green so future generations can enjoy it as well.  He has created such a balance we should try hard to respect.  Jean E Syswerda had this poem I discovered in my Womens Devotional Bible and I came across it last fall.  I really love it.  All these noises of nature, praises to Him.  I love dancing and singing to these melodies, giving thanks. 

 

Writing for Him

 

Sitting around my home are journals upon journals of writings to God, prayers, notes, moments, random doodles from the children.  This is one way I walk with Him. 

I find it very comforting to open up on paper, to write freely and confident to God. 

I am able to look back and thank God as I read prayers answered, questions revealed through written Scripture I have discovered while studying His Word,  a dream, something in the day that made me smile. 

 
Sometimes I just feel so rushed in prayer if Im not sitting down writing it out to Him.   If I feel an urge to pray, sometimes I will grab my journal and start writing, if I am interupted I feel it easier sometimes to be able to put the pen down and carry on where I left off. 

When I was young I used to have a diary.  I used to write about my days events. This is much the same, except I am sharing it with Christ.  Someday even my children might stumble upon them and glance at the pages and see prayers answered that may have not even be answered in my lifetime. 


Prayers can be 6 pages long somedays, sometimes only a paragraph.


It works for me.  My relationship with Christ builds on these pages. I can look back and reflect. 

Notes from a service, key words, scripture, examples. All can be written out and soaked up later. 

Revelations from Christ can be forever treasured.

Sharing a blog post about gender neutrality

There has been a load of talk on Facebook, blogs and news about "gender neutrality".  I wasnt sure what to think of it.  I read various opinions on it.  Some of my friends have very strong opinions towards one side or the other.  Both sides have interesting arguments and I havent really felt much desire to get in on the discussion until the past few days and I wont go into huge detail on my opinions but I wanted to share this beautiful blog post by Hippie Housewife called  Gender: Neutral or different?


She writes  "I feel as though gender neutrality is so heavily pushed now, particularly in certain circles, that kids are actually discouraged from being interested in traditionally “gendered” activities. I question the health in that, as I feel it promotes a lot of unnecessary shame."


I really think she is right. The fact of the matter is that God doesn't make mistakes.  God created us all individually, and I think we need to embrace it, and not hide any part of our children from themselves.  If my parents decided to not tell people my gender, and someone came to them as I was getting to the age where I would understand what they were talking about and they said "we are not telling people what the child's gender is."  This would shoot guilt, fear, anxiety, sadness, failure, shame, hate into my soul.  The fact that my very own parents cannot embrace Gods entire creation could shatter a persons being. 


By hiding a child's gender we are hiding a peice of their identity. There God given identity. God knit us together, and when parents start slipping stitches off and leaving holes, spirits will feel unfinished. Lets allow these children to explore life, embrase ALL of it, learn, experience what God wants for them without messing things up any further than they need to be.

Psalm 139:13  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Christ's "Hush"

I have felt inspired to slow down in life. To not say "hurry up" so much. 
Its my downfall

Last night I sat with my two year old son, and just watched him, as he delighted in the light of the moon peering through our livingroom window.  The thoughts that must have been going through his mind as he gazed up into the night sky. Complete fascination.  Total joy.  There was total joy for me watching him discover, and take in what he was in that moment. Not thinking of a moment later.

A journey to pick wild flowers and look for nature can still be rushed if you look at a clock.  I am very horrible at this. Capturing a moment, but for too short a time.  I stopped to to ask myself today- "what on earth do we really have to do at home right now?"  I still captured myself in words like "come on we gotta get going now."  Do we really?  Or is it okay to stare at an ant for more than 2 minutes? Was there a reason to rush home besides laundry and dishes that will always over keep their welcome anyways.  So we stayed, and we played, only moments from our home, discovering what God wanted to show us. 

And what He showed us is always beautiful... 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God"- Psalms 46:10

Where do we get off... (meditating on talent television)

Sitting here tonight, a certain television show on our tv.  These are shows I normally enjoy, they are normally shows that I would giggle at the people who go on who arent exactically talented to our eyes.  But I really feel this gut check happening latley saying "where do you get off laughing at people who are truly doing something they love?" 
Someone sings off key, someone doesnt dance like a professional, and they get laughed at, boo'd, thrown off.  I understand these shows are to find the best of the best.  But really, what is the best?  This is the worlds view of best.  This hurts a lot of people who are doing something they love.  And we sit and judge them, call them idiots, cant wait for them to stop and go home.  Cheer when they go home.   Is this right? Am I all alone on this?  This is what our world strives on people?  Is this what Christ wants? 

I know Christ changes people, in every detail, maybe He's working in me with this, I just sit here so confused at what Im thinking.  It seems every week there is a new show on judging peoples talents.  And all of a sudden it doesnt sit well with me.   Lets talk about this shall we?

weaning

My son has nursed for 28 months, and now since Saturday I have said no more.  This wasnt a mutual decision like I hoped it would be, but one that I decided on because for the past few months I really havent enjoyed breastfeeding.  It has brought me aggitation, stress and almost resentment towards my son. 

I have been paitient with it all, praying that God would give me the ability to keep going, but the past few weeks all I could think was "Im done. Im done. D-O-N-E ....done. " 

So now I sit here, completley engorged, sore, emotional, hot (its really hot here today).  My son battled me all night (which is weird because he hasnt nursed at night in weeks), I have slept not even an hour last night.  I woke up at 6am to have a hot shower, then came down and fed my four year old some breakfast, then went upstairs weeping to my husband that I just needed sleep.  He got up with our children and cleaned the house and even took them to the park while I rested till almost lunchtime.  I cannot express how greatful I am for that.  The thought of cleaning, moving, even walking right now brings pain to my chest LOL. 

My son had been eating terrific which is not very often he has been doing that, but I guess with no breastmilk he has no choice.  I did express some and put it in a sippy for him yesterday, in response he got angry, I dont think he liked that idea.  I tell him that they are "broken" so he looks at them and goes "awwww" in a sympathetic voice. 


So I have been praying, praying that I would just dry up, that the milk would go away!  I thank God that I was able to nurse this long, and that I have had a very generous supply even still. 

I have been praying for my hormones to not go so crazy.  They have been wonkey since I stopped, its considered normal... but with my history of depression it does frighten me.


"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" says the Lord in 2 Cor 12:9
Ahhh God, Your grace is my fuel, the fact You are here with me through all this. I find such comfort in that.  I am so greatful I am not alone even at 4am when all I want to do is scream!


the New Living Translation of Hebrews 4:16 says
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."


I never thought I would come boldly to the throne of God with something like THIS, but I have such comfort knowing that I can and that He WILL help me in this. 


There is a guilt that is inside my heart that I have been praying to be released from.  The fact that I have stopped nursing him before he has wanted to makes me feel like I am hurting him somehow.  I know that nursing for 28 months (and four years all together because I never really had much time off in between my boys), is GOOD. AWESOME. GREAT!  But ofcourse there is that nagging evil inside me saying "you have failed your son, feel sorry for yourself, your poor poor boy". 


But Jesus tells me "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you." John 14:27


He "comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:4  I have recieved amazing comfort from those who have gone through it and I know from this I will be able to help others. 

I need to press forward, we both do.  He understands he can survive without nursing, he has discovered that solid food is fantastic, and I know we will both live LOL.  All I can do through this is try to remain paitient, show nothing but love for the whole situation and remain in Christ as well. 

The sound...

The sounds around us, have you considered?

The way the wind sounds as it moves through the branches of a old willow,
The way the rain sounds as it hits the grass in the dead of night,

the sound of breath...

the sound of laughter from a child

the sound of a grandmother singing

the sound of a pin dropping

the sound that the thunder makes

the sound that snow makes as it shifts

the sound of a fire simmering down after a bon fire
the sound of crickets chirping

the sound of water flowing

the sound of an eye blinking...

Before it could all be, You carefully decided on the sounds that would accompany life. Fine tuned it into a sympany. Thank You Heavenly Father,  You did it perfectly. 

How simple it is to be a follower of Christ

This has been on my heart to make a blog post about this for a while, not exactically sure why, but I feel like God wants me to post this stuff so here it goes <3 

When I became a Christian after following different religions for about 7ish years of my life, I thought "jeez this is going to be hard. All these rules, this big HUUUGE boring book that Im going to have to read to try and understand... Im loosing control over my life.  I wont be able to do the things I want to do."  I struggled for a long time in my faith in Christ... not because its hard to love Him, I find it quite easy to love the living God who died for me and gave me His Spirit and everlasting life. 

I had a hard time for a while believing that Christ is the ONLY way to God, that its being a follower of Jesus that is giving us eternal life... I had a hard time with that.  But it is said much more than once through the Bible. 

Jesus says in John 14:6  (The Message version)

 "I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life. No one gets to the Father apart from me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him. You've even seen him!"

also in Acts 4:12 (New International Version)

 "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

The first few years in my walk with Christ - I have been a Christian for 6 years, were hard, I would hear a lot of things that would stick, but I may not have really chewed on them or tried to understand fully.   I had amazing Christian people around me willing to answer my questions and that was fantastic. 

The past I'd say 3 years have been my most amazing Christian years so far.  I WANT to read God's Word.  The words that are not just guidelines, but the words Holy Spirit spoke through these people, to teach us God's love.  There isnt a time that I read the Bible that I dont get something out of it now, because I am fully putting my trust in God that he is Truth.  Before it was so hard, I didnt trust Him.  Boy, what a difference it makes. To listen for Him as I am reading.  Its so awesome.

Someone once said to me "How can you go from a faith that is so fun looking, to a faith that you sit in Church and sing hymns and listen to some guy talk for an hour?  I couldnt do that.  No way."

My walk with Christ has been so not boring, its different every day.  I see God not only in Scripture, I see Him in everthing that grows from the earth, His creation He gave to us to take care of and enjoy.  I feel God in myself because He has given us Holy Spirit within us that gives us a power I still dont fully appreciate to the fullest in my opinion and I have been really praying that God will help me understand His Spirit more and more each day.  I hear Him when I hear His word spoken.  I feel Him tons during worship time, feel His Spirit pour over the Church with such a feeling of Love I have never felt anywhere else so strong.  I have heard Him in so many ways and could share many moments,  the way God speaks to us is so diverse. He speaks to us in ways that work perfect for us.  And when God speaks, you KNOW its God. 

And to be honest, people reading this who havent experienced God's Love to its fullest wont get it.  You want to experience it, start looking at your local Churches, find the one that is right for your needs as a follower of Jesus Christ.  You may need to go to one, or two , three or four till you find the one that you feel at home in.  It might be a hop skip and a jump from your home or across town.  Some Churches can be more traditional, or really up beat and vibrant, or somewhere in between.  The importance is to find the one that works for you and your family.  I think that surrounding yourself with people who also walk in faith is so important because you are going to have questions and if you dont have anyone to ask about them and even help you in your learning, then you may struggle in your walk with Christ as your Saviour.  

Being a Christian isnt hard, and it isnt throwing your "fun life away", heard that one many times!  What have you got to loose really?  A life where you have a God who loves you so much, who died for you, wants to have a relationship with you constantly, to speak to you and allows you to speak to Him anytime!  All that is required is that you accept Him as your saviour and to walk a life that reflects His forgiving unfailing Love.  You dont have to understand everything, He'll show you everything He wants you to understand as time goes by.  His timing is perfect!  Im the furthest thing I think from being religious as I can be if that makes sense. Jesus is my Saviour. I am a follower of Christ.  Its a relationship. 

Jesus warms our hearts..and our toes!

Today I prepared for my run. Itching to get out in Gods creation and praise Him while jogging, listening to the birds singing love songs, that still are not as sweet as the love songs Jesus has for each of us. 

It started to snow, and I began to debate wheather this would be another indoor cardio day, or if I should dare go out for the first time in my Vibrams in the snow..something I thought for sure wouldnt happen till at LEAST October LOL.  But it looked sooo beautiful outside, and I love to be outside.  So I knew as soon as my husband got in the door, I wanted to run!

So my husband came in, and he seen I had my running gear on.  And he handed me his watch so I could time my run as I usually do and I took off to do a little over a 2km run. 

Running down the street my toes were cold.  But not freezing, but kinda like standing on a cold basement floor almost.  About a km in I began to feel like I may not enjoy this run.  But it was so beautiful outside, I didnt want to turn back so we pressed on.  I used the time to pray, to focus on being in awe of all that the Lord has blessed us with- nature, family, friends.  I began to pray for all those who I have had on my heart.  My toes were no longer cold.  Its amazing how the things that trip us up can be untangled by the love of Christ.

It was so beautiful outside, quiet, crisp.  You could hear every bird chirping, see all sorts of different animal tracks out on the paths.  I cannot deny God's beauty when I see the things He made for us

Romans 1:19-20. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. Ever since the creation of the world His eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things He has made.

To sing praises to Him as I run, to just talk to Him like I talk to a friend.  Best friend.  To worship Him as every blade of grass, and tree that sways does

Isaiah 55:12-13. The mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. All this will be a memorial for the Lord, a sign that for all time will not be cut off.

..............And we get the opportunity to do it every day!!!!!!!