Understanding God will be my comfort in childbirth

We are hitting our last trimester... Where did the time go.  In the words of my friend Daisy Im going to need my own postal code soon, I feel this little girl is running out of room in there, Im starting to see elbows poking out and you can really feel her kick.  Its a truly amazing blessing to feel a life growing inside you.  I have very much enjoyed carrying this girl, and as she begins to get bigger and we hit the home stretch of only 12 more weeks (which will happen super fast Im sure), I realize that the time for birth is coming soon. 

I started looking into water births yesterday.  Started to talk to moms who have been there about the pros and the cons.  Started reading lots and lots.  The cons started to outweigh the pros in our case.  Would there be room in our house for a birthing tub? (We are planning to have her at home)  Would there be time?  Is it what I really really want to do?  "Birthing plans"  can be overwhelming.  This labour will be different because it is a new experience, a new birth.  My three previous births were all very different from eachother.  A Mother can never fully prepare for labour, and Im sure it never ever goes 100% according to the plan.  But I cant help but try and figure it out. 

 

So then I laid in bed, almost stressed out about this birth and it was like God said "You have allowed me to take care of this pregnancy thus far, I will take care of your labour as well."

And the more I think about it, I dont want to make anything other than God my comfort measure, my "epidural" my "birthing tub".  There is no subsitute for God.  He is our comforter, our provider, our sheild.  He's madly in love with His children and ofcourse that means even during birth!  For myself and this child inside, He is fully capable of taking control. 

So I begin approaching this different. I planned on having worship music playing, Scripture near by and in my heart, definatly prayer, but these things I never put in the place of PRIORITY during birth.  Up until last night they were secondary.  But God wants to be first.

He wants me to seek Him continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says Search the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him (NLT).  That means all the time.  Even during contractions, during transition, during things that may go wrong.  To never panic

(Philippians 4:6-7), or feel as if I cannot do it, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

I understand Gods power, I understand what He has poured out for me, and that Holy Spirit dwells within me and I have the ability to approach God with anything.  He see's the begining to the end.  There are no surprises.  He's already gotten it all under His control.  He is bigger.  It all comes down to trust.

So this is where I put down my stress about birth, about how its going to go down.  What position I wanna be in, where I wanna be in the home, and lay this birth down at God's feet, like I did with the pregnancy and say "have Your way Lord."  24 hours of stressing out about a birth I ultimatly in the end have little control over was 24 hours too long.  Time to shift it over to the One who gave birth to the entire universe, and allow Him to comfort me while brining Tehillah into the world. 

When God has other plans for me

Without getting into a load of detail this past week God and I had totally different plans.  And instead of relying on Him and waiting to hear what He wants for me.  I just kept thinking of what I wanted to happen.  A few posts ago I talked about not worrying about things.  Well I did sorta stop worrying about the situation and started dreaming of it- thinking constantly about it- putting it before God... and not in a "giving it to God" sense but a "its more important than Your plans right now Lord so I must think about it more than You."
Today I discovered what He wants for me and what I want for me are most likley two totally different things and it hurts. Oh it hurts bad.  I have had to hide my tears from my children more than once this morning about it.  But I know He has plans for me that are far better than what I could ever dream up.  I know He knows best for my life.  Why I still sit here a bit frustrated with God, is beyond me.  But I am.  Im heartbroken.  I know God understands my frustration, sadness and moments of anger, I know He knows my heart.  I need to pray for peace, insight, unity.  I need to be still and listen to His voice and hear why He has let the path go this way instead of the way I would have rather liked.  

I never read really in the book of Jeremiah, but the past 24 hours I have heard so many scripture refrences I figured I must start reading it.  God's timing is always perfect (funny how I can write that even though Im a bit frustrated with His timing this time)  and I find I can hear Him so clearly sometimes in His Word

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

 "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."  Romans 8:28 (The Message)

His Word gives me the strength to not just flip out and get right angry, to crawl under my covers and pout.  It gives me a hope, for what in my future, I dont know.  But I know it will be good because whatever it is it is what God wants for me.  I just need to fully trust Him in all things in my life. 

Stuck in the mud

The past few days I have felt like I have been stuck in the mud.  Worried about something that I really have no control over and yet I find myself constantly all day thinking about it.  And yet Jesus tells us not to worry in Luke 12 ~~

²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

   ²⁷ “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.  (NIV)

I am a bit obsessive over things and until I understand a situation fully, I am almost in a silent panic mode..sometimes not so silent. 

I know God doesnt give us anything we cant handle. Paul tells us: "God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it".

God has got my back. 

In reality, logically, I should give my worries to God. Because He will and does take care of them. I have seen it happen many many times before.  He has answered my prayers, healed what needed to be healed and provided for us what we needed to be provided for. But when its the BIG things going on, I give it to Him, then take it back. Give it to Him... hear what He has to say, get impaitient and then do my own thing.  GAH so frustrating. 

Im sure others of you can relate.  And He knows that I am like this too and is probably sitting up in Heaven going "oooo Candace, you silly girl. Just go to bed, no worries. I got it, trust me." 

I need to get out of the mud, give it to God, and leave it... walk away from it till I feel God telling me it is time.