Today I discovered what He wants for me and what I want for me are most likley two totally different things and it hurts. Oh it hurts bad. I have had to hide my tears from my children more than once this morning about it. But I know He has plans for me that are far better than what I could ever dream up. I know He knows best for my life. Why I still sit here a bit frustrated with God, is beyond me. But I am. Im heartbroken. I know God understands my frustration, sadness and moments of anger, I know He knows my heart. I need to pray for peace, insight, unity. I need to be still and listen to His voice and hear why He has let the path go this way instead of the way I would have rather liked.
I never read really in the book of Jeremiah, but the past 24 hours I have heard so many scripture refrences I figured I must start reading it. God's timing is always perfect (funny how I can write that even though Im a bit frustrated with His timing this time) and I find I can hear Him so clearly sometimes in His Word
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:28 (The Message)
His Word gives me the strength to not just flip out and get right angry, to crawl under my covers and pout. It gives me a hope, for what in my future, I dont know. But I know it will be good because whatever it is it is what God wants for me. I just need to fully trust Him in all things in my life.