Monday, January 16, 2012

He wont fill my cup half way.

Pregnancy has never been that good to me.  I laid in bed this morning, sobbing to my husband in his arms, just saddened because I woke up after a day of such declaration of Gods promises in such a bad mood, headache and depressed.  Pregnancy is not good to me.
My God has always been good to me though...

We have been praying for God to heal my body.  Our bodies can react so bizzare to carrying a life within us. There is no reason God cant heal my sickness, the nausea, and hormone influctions that make me tired, overwhelmed and defeated.  

I havent been sick.  Its been I dont know how many days, but God did heal my nausea, and I am so so so thankful that He did.  You have no idea (or maybe you do) how good it feels that I dont have to know where the nearest bucket is, or nearest bathroom is to be sick.  The last three pregnancies I had I was sick the whole nine months, everyday.  Thank You God for my healing. 

The past week or so though my emotions and fatigue have been horrid.  I have little motivation and dont want to do much of anything.  I have wanted to quit the things I do because Im just not feeling anything really happy most of the time.   As a result, my home is suffering. I have told horrifying scary tales of our laundry situation... oh laundry... how I do truly dislike you. 

Our pastor said on Sunday in a meeting as I asked for prayer for this that God doesnt fill us half way... and its true.  I asked for healing.  I asked in the name of Jesus that I would have a wonderful joyous pregnancy and Jesus said "ask and you shall recieve". 

I am going to receieve my joyous pregnancy.  Even in these times where things seem clouded over, that I am not being heard by my Father in Heaven.  Jesus said it was finished... and I have to declare that over my body, over my mind, my home. 

We are God's children.  Even if I felt like garbage yesterday or even this morning God's giving me my healing.  Its coming, its already here.   

I wanna give Him the glory.  Over and over and over.  He has rescued me from the deepest depressions, the biggest craziest moments in life and the smallest and I have learned so much about His character through them, and my own.  He just loves me to peices. 

Even if I feel cruddy for another four weeks... isnt it enough to know that God is sitting right next to me, rubbing my back, singing to me... declaring over His child that I would rest in Him and He will take care of me. 

Maybe through this I am going to have the biggest revelation of my life... so I shouldnt be saddened... yes I am praying that I wont be sick..period... but still... if God is allowing it to happen...there is a reason right! 
There is always a reason.  Always always always. 

Im struggling with some.  But God isnt.  He knows.  I love that! 

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