Thursday, May 26, 2011

My Testimony

I have had a person or two message me wanting to hear my testimony.  Its something I feel that is good to share, all Chrisitans should share. This is kinda long, but goes from my down point in life to my point in being born again. 

When I was a child, I attended Church a little bit, here and there, I was baptized as a baby, I went to youth groups a few times.  It was something I was aware of, but didnt fully "get" or commit too.  I remember having a cross in my room and we did own a Bible.  I remember the gory pictures in our childrens one LOL.

When I became a teenager, my faith was practically non existant until highschool.  Ofcourse being a teenager and deciding to follow what the world seen as okay, I began wanting to have more control over my life. My parents werent "treating me fair". Like life was "so awful." I had a temper, I hated not having control and just wanted to be respected or feared even. 

Well what better way to do that then to start rebelling and doing everything your parents said no to right?

I began to do drugs and started smoking, would sneak out with friends to parks to drink, did our own tattoos, played in a heavy metal band where I would scream my head off about how awful life was.  I dropped out of school.

I began messing in witchcraft, wicca, satanisim even a little bit, tarot cards, horoscopes, spells, vibes whatever (really nones different of the other, none of its of Christ and Christ opposes it all)

I began thinking I could have control of my life, I could make things go the way I wanted.  I began hanging out with the wrong crowd.  I began to not care.  Living this type of life can be a very inward focus instead of outward.  I was a very selfish person.  This type of life for me lead me into more wrong doors. When things werent working the way all the books said, I began to lie about things to make myself look more powerful.  I wanted to be feared.  Even when I was praciting wicca (which is considered "white" magic btw) I still walked around like I was queen of the world, no one could touch me.  I controlled my destiny...

my destiny was falling apart day by day it seemed.  I had to pick up the pieces inside myself.

When I was 17 I moved out of my Mothers house and moved out to live with my aunt and uncle.  Thinking I could do it all on my own, thinking things would be better.

The drinking didnt stop, the drugs didnt stop.  I had a stable job, but still partied way too much.  I was a very controlling person.  I hated things not going my way.  Anger could have been my middle name. That and "I just dont give a crap whats going on in your life..its all about me."

When I hit 18-19 I think thats where my life took a really deep spill.  I was doing drugs way too much, I was drinking every chance I got. I was messing around with this guy or that guy.  Loosing good friends, not a care in the world some days. 

New Years Eve 2003 I ended up in the hospital.  I thought I was hemmoraging.  I was miscarrying a baby I didnt even know I was pregnant for.  Boy the cards, candles and stones never told me that. ....

I lost a child.  God took this child home because I was in no way shape or form ready to bring a baby into this world. If this child would have stayed, my body wouldnt have been well enough to keep us both alive. My life was a mess. 

I began to slowly get out of the drinking and drugs.  I still went out and partied on the weekends, still did a lot of stupid stuff.  Still praciticed all this witchcraft alone in my room. 

I met a really nice man that summer.  We started dating, and this man didnt do drugs, or party like I did.  I wasnt even sure I wanted to date him because he was so "normal" LOL.   We will be married 5 years on this June 2nd I will tell you now. 

That year we moved in with eachother quickly after begining to date and that winter I got pregnant again, terrified I left him and went back home.  Gods plan was awesome through all this.

My Mom had become a Christian, and started asking me to come to Church with her.  I used to go just to humor her. But all this talk of a living God, about a God who loves us and wants to communicate with us... gee, really?  I remember reading the Purpose Driven Life book and attending some ladies things.  It was a slow process, I wasnt sure I wanted to surrender my life to Christ so He could let His Spirit pour into me and guide me and take me where I need to be.  I thought of exploring different faiths liek Buddhism, or soemthing very peaceful.  Someone once told me "those people, while speaking of love and peace... their tombs are filled with there dead bodies.  Christ is the living God. He rose for YOU. They didnt.  Think about it." 

 I thought about it!

When our daughter Alexis was born, thats when I got it I think.  Looking at her face I realized we are such fragile people.  God wants us to give Him it all so that He can show us His power and that we give Him all the glory, humbling ourselves, realizing that no matter what we did or do, when we ask His forgiveness He forgives us and we start walking new in Him.  He will show us what He wants from us and for us, how to love like He did when He was on this earth.  We are created beings, we are not gods, we are never capable of obtaining that power, but we have a God who is willing to use it for us, and contend for those who fully trust in Him. 

That was 6 years ago.  But thats the turning point.  I started reading my Bible, letting the Holy Spirit guide me through it, praying, learning how to have a personal relationship with Christ.  I love being friends, best friends with a Living God!  Answered prayers, blessings, trials, struggles that He brought me through and I always give Him the glory.  Even the things that happen and I say "there is no way God can be glorified through this." Oh yes He can.  He always is, and He always will be. 

So thats it.  I was Baptized again in 2009 and I have chose to follow Him and only Him forever and ever. 

1 comment:

  1. Wow! wonderful testimony! Nice to meet you :)