United we should stand.

Yesterday I quoted pope Francis and apparently this caused a stir. I'm not Catholic and while I don't understand enough about the Catholic faith I know some Catholics who are majorly in love with Jesus so I felt a bit upset when I had opposition to quoting the spiritual leader of the Catholic Church.
I just do not understand the big deal between all us ya know?
I understand there are some major differences but is it not Jesus who is the part we are not supposed to miss? I just feel so heart broken when I hear bashing of any denomination but since the Catholics have been in the spotlight more so lately I have heard and seen so much bad taste from other Christians I felt the need to pour out my heart on it. Jesus wanted a church body united. He didn't die for our denominations. He didn't die so we could be Pentecostal, Catholic, Mennonite, Baptist, etc. He died to unite His children, to be free from our sins and have the strength to keep away from them, and have us be His hands and feet.

There is so much talk lately on how the Catholic Church is flawed but are not every single denomination flawed because we are so split in the first place? What if we all decided to stop looking at the things "they" do wrong and started focusing on the One who is right about us all? It just pains me to hear criticism about one group or another and trust me I have been guilty of it too. I have been in the past very guilty of this. But lately it's unity that I can't get off my mind. Imagine what it would look like!! Imagine if we all took our strengths and battled together against the the enemy which is not the church down the road but Satan and his angels. Imagine!
Anyways , my tiny vent over. I love you all. Carry on.

When you push through...

Burning sands and hardened wastelands will become pools, shimmering with life;

the thirsty ground will drink deep from refreshing springs.

Abandoned villages where predators once lurked will become grassy playgrounds.

Dry, arid land will turn lush and green. (Isaiah 35:7 the voice)

Things are sprouting in my heart again.
I feel the springs spilling over me, like a damn about to give way.

Since Christmas I have been in a massive funk.  It started to go slow, but got really bad a few weeks into January.  So bad I started to roll my eyes at scripture, roll my eyes at God, Christianity, churches, everything.  I started seeking elsewhere late nights, searching for that feeling once again that I had, that feeling I had with God that was so close and intimate but seemed to dissapear.  I even started a new blog, because I thought my time in Christianity may be over.  There is something about Jesus though, He just does not let go that easy.  Trying to talk to people about it was good, even though some I spoke to did not quite understand what I was going through, and others got it perfectly.  I got really raw, really honest and I think that was good.  Being honest and raw is important.  So important.

Anxiety was at an all time high and I just felt like there was this awful darkness surrounding me.  At first it was like Jesus was not talking to me about anything, but He was still present.  Then it was like He vanished.  The door was shut and I did not want to talk to God at all.  I wanted to run away and not look back.

Everything started to make no sense to me at all, every last detail.  Nothing was right anymore.  It hurt hard.  It hurt bad.  I started to try and figure it out and then God says - Be still...wait-

That is impossible for me. Im like OCD ADD and champion at Google and Wiki.   I kept trying to figure things out.  Again - Be still...wait-

I finally decided to wait.  Finally.  But not until after a few weeks of plugging my ears to the only words I felt He spoke to me in forever.   He was probably like -Good, now I can work!-
No Google, no opinions, no forums, nothing.  I did not look for a group to fit into, a theory to come into agreement with.  I just waited.  And it was brutal.  I am still continuing to be still.  But God has shown me some things.  Huh, fancy that ;)

One night on the way home from knitting with some fantastic ladies I decided all of a sudden that this battle I cannot loose. It was out of the blue, a darn strong determination!!! ROAR!  My faith, my peace, my joy I cant let anything or anyone rob that from me.  I could be still and wait but be positive and still give praise.  My life has a mission on it.  I am part of an amazing missions trip everyday.  I get up, and raise four children, support an amazing man and take care of a home that is to represent the love of God.  Light pushes back darkness and if I pushed light into this awful darkness I was experiencing then things would be more bright.

A few days after that I woke up singing a song about being surrounded.  He is all around me.  I do not know why I started to sing this song.  But it gave me hope.  The thought of being surrounded by God made me smile.  Light cracking through dark holes...

Continuing to be still...

Thursday night a man spoke a word over my husband and I about God being pleased with us and that we had grown a lot.  By just being still... by pushing through with joy and love still... by trusting.


This took a lot of tension off me.  I felt like I was just stumbling through.    The thing is I am starting to realize the more and more we allow God to work in every area, the more it feels less like stumbling.  There are rocky, wooded, scary areas of our life that still emerge, but we have His support and endless love and power to help us through.  Press in HARD because when we do we can see how hard He presses into our lives and plows through these things we see as awful and impossible.

All of a sudden things were just as before the darkness, almost.  There are some things I am still very much struggling with, but words are coming to life to me again, I am starting to understand things again. On top of this I am able to make more sense of all the things I was discovering before I was still.  Things are starting to become much more clear.  I can dance again, I can sing again, I can see goodness in things.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)

Oh how true this is!!!

And the thing that totally blew my mind is that I drew close to God just by being STILL and WAITING for Him.  I did not have to go crazy jumping through hoops.  I simply waited.  It was SO easy once I got it and obeyed what He was asking me to do.

I am enjoying it very much.  To be still in His presence, just waiting for those few words He speaks.  They are very few, but the power behind them is massive and give such fullness to my heart.

Push through the darkness.  Push through the bad days with praise on your lips.  I can now fully now like never before promise you it is so very worth it!

journey...

what do you do when you feel God calling you from the center of your being, from the Spirit He deposited in you that there is going to be a "revival" within yourself?  There are curtains of thought, and curtains of doubt and curtains of anger and ego... but in the deep of yourself Holy Spirit stirs and says "watch"
When the most colourful dreams begin to happen as you slumber
When your eight year old daughter has visions. 
When all tradition, all effort to strive against the grain, splintering your being is called to stop.  To be still because its though the Spirit within that love spills forth and makes it effortless even when its hard.  
When things you never thought you would be excited for, make your spirit stir hard and tears flow and you want to dance.  Free.
When you read Jesus in a whole new angle.  Oh sweet Jesus....

How He has called us to an amazing journey.  
Holy Spirit dancing within, guiding, teaching.  

We need only to listen. 

The habit of seeking Him

I often read a lot.  Too much maybe?  I read about Bible history, I read my Bible a lot, different denominational views of things, early Christian writings, opinions, thoughts, epiphanies.  I read and search.

I think with myself as well as many others I am just trying to see who I fit in with most.  Sometimes I feel as though some others just don't see Christ the way I do.  I don't always share my views with many, only because I am afraid my view would be wronged by others and they would make my Jesus "small."  I think this is in itself the reason why there are so many different buildings and church denominations to begin with?  Everyone seeking to make their Christ work and sometimes we just don't always agree.

I look back at how I have done this to others.  I feel guilty about it.  I have really come to a place where I really have come to embrace different ways to Christ, however I have never fully found a group of people who see Christ exactly the way I do.  My husband and I in fact have very different ways to approach Christ.  The Bible speaks to us quite differently about the Word of God who is Jesus.  We know one thing for sure, He came for us, to die for us and save us and gives us new life.  He seeks a relationship with us and loves us more than we could ever love Him back.

We attend a church filled with people all from different backgrounds, upbringings all hungry for Christ. I bet we all have different ways of approaching and being in fellowship with our God.

But to approach Him humbly, to say "I don't understand all Your ways.  But I pray that as You guide me with the Holy Spirit that I will come to go deeper into relationship with You."

This is a habit I think so vital.

I do not think He gets upset if our opinions are different, as long as we are seeking Him.

This is a habit I crave.  To get up each morning, and seek Him.  When I wake up in the middle of the night to feed a hungry baby, to listen for Him.  In each step embrace His guidance, not worrying if I am wrong or not.

I have messed up, been confused, and yet, He has always shown me it has to be about Him.  Just being still and knowing its not ever about me.  But Himself in us, His light shining forth.

1000 gifts for 2013. Yes please

Last year was crazy.  2012 we saw impossible things happen, God move in His mighty ways, gentle ways, blunt ways... He's amazing. 

We started this year off rocky.  I'm going to really try to take the emphasis off me and put it on Him for the next year.  Our journeys with Christ are all so different.  He is going to take us all through some amazing things this year.  I want ALL the glory to be on Him.  Refreshed, jumping back into His springs of peace and joy and striving forward to make this year being in Him.  Never needing to call out loud for Him, just being still and knowing His Spirit is closer than I am to myself.  What an amazing God.
So I start refreshed, joining Ann and the many others counting to 1000 this year to our 1000 gifts.
Starting again at #1.  Gifts from the One.

1. long games of "war" with my daughter and husband.  Who knew a card game could go on for so long!
2. Cookie Monster songs with my 3 year old
3. An insane hunger for the words of Christ Himself.
4. Operating in the places God wants me to operate and doing it with His strength
5. Realizing just how insanely I need the Holy Spirit to guide my steps, words and thoughts,
6. Being tremendously honest with myself and others
7. Wrestling with the husband.  Laughing into hystarics
8. My son singing his version of Christmas songs
9. Our baby, sounding kinda like an excited dinosaur on the floor.  Learning to use her beautiful voice.  Children are such a gift
10.Not so perfect shots caught on camera.  Children who wont sit still.  Life constantly moving.  We can never capture it all
11. Cups of Chamomile tea with the kids at bedtime.  Quiet giggles
12. Stress... because it gives us an opportunity to fall into the arms of Love
13. ultrasounds from afar, watching a life within a life growing.
14. the messy amazing journey's God will take you on this year.
15. the messy amazing journey God will take me on this year
16. questions
17. letting the wee baby try some banana... nope not interested.
18. 2 Timothy 1:7-  needing a calm and well balanced mind- a goal for this year
19. triple rainbows in vivid dreams.  Scriptures given.
20 dance parties in the kitchen
21. new babies
22 Refusing to sing along, standing stubborn on a Sunday morning with so much anger.  God melting it allll away.  And just surrendering deep into Him
23. babies falling asleep on the floor.
24- butterscotch coffee.  Oh yes its happening
25- my oldest daughter mistaking pumpkin pie spice for cinnamon and making toast.  She says it was delicious
26- my three year old just making a sugar sandwich... that's not nutritious.
27- Baby trying so hard to be mobile.  She's figuring it out
28- Conversations about God with my husband.
29- Digging deeper

this baby...

God approaches when we don't expect.  He slips in in the tiniest of forms and yet is explosive, life transforming and amazing.  Indescribable is our King.

A Baby who came in, while Mothers cried for their sons, and Fathers grasped to understand.  A baby who came in while selfishness, greed, and hatred raged.  Love comes down and while its been said a million times, it will forever be said again and again.

No one knows how much He weighed but He would carry the weight of our sins on His shoulders.  It was finished before it started.

This baby who smelt like birth, fresh and new.  Mary breathed Him in as He was wrapped in cloth in the stink of her surroundings.  A new plan that was never new, it was decided upon before the first pages of the Bible said "In the beginning."   This baby,  who would raise with the scent of spikenard because before His hands would be pierced, His Spirit pierced the heart of a woman, and pierced the heart of all those so furious enough to have Him be nailed to a cross.

He touched every single person He came in contact with.  This King, came in the most humble way,  laid in a trough that was made of the very stones or branches He created, nursed by a woman He molded with His hands.

This King.  My Jesus.

Only He could consume the entire Universe with His presence, create billions of galaxies.  The mountains tremble and the oaks twist, and yet He became a cell and consumed a womb and burst forth for salvation for many.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

Who I am...

My goal as this year is nearing an end I am spending it not in the Christmas story but in Ephesians Colossians and John.  I am in this space right now where Christ is so huge and so massive that I cannot just fit Him in a manger this year.  His glory is contained there yet He spills out.  I look at our nativity scene and that baby laying there is so big to me.
I started out in Ephesians and just started reading and not only am I reading about how amazing Jesus is, but the promises I have as His child.  I thought this was pretty cool.  Sometimes I feel I go through these phases where I don't quite understand it all but Ephesians makes it pretty clear to me what Christ has promised His children and even though I am not really blogging right now I wanted to post it because it is pretty amazing.  

Who we are in Christ

We are blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, chosen in Him before the foundation of the world, predestined to adoption as a daughter (or son) by Jesus to Himself.  His Grace is what makes us accepted in the Beloved.  We are redeemed by His blood, forgiven by His Grace.  We have obtained an inheritance, predestined according to His purpose.  We are sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise because we trusted Jesus who is the guarantee of our inheritance.  We are made alive in Him.  We can do NOTHING (emphasis added because I struggle with this one) to be saved it is a GIFT He has given.  We are His masterpiece created in Christ to do the good things God prepared beforehand for us to do.  We have Christ as our peace and we are united with Him.  The blood of Christ has brought us near.  Because of what Christ did we can come to the Father.  We are citizens along with all Gods people in Gods family.  We are a part of His house and Jesus Christ is the cornerstone.  We are carefully joined together in Him becoming a holy temple for the Lord.  We can come boldly and confidently into Gods presence.  Our roots with grow down deeper into Gods love and will continue to grow strong. We can experience the love of Christ even though it is too great to understand fully.  We are made complete with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.  We are part of a body and we each have our own special work.  We are His dear children.  We can come against evil because as one of Gods children we have access to His armor.