Torso Carries and Chocolate

Today was grocery day in our home and Zayden and I decided we would rock a Double Hammock Torso Carry to get it done.  We love this carry because sometimes my shoulders are sore after wearing his thirty some odd pounds during a grocery trip.  However, he started getting a bit tired after being on my back for a few hours today and wanted down...

So what do you do when you know there is no possible way your child should be getting off your back in the mall and you just need to get him home?  Well the obvious and probably still not wisest thing to do is give him chocolate.  So that is what we did... we bought him a Kinder Surprise Egg and let him at it on my back... needless to say I have to do some laundry

Stuck in the mud

The past few days I have felt like I have been stuck in the mud.  Worried about something that I really have no control over and yet I find myself constantly all day thinking about it.  And yet Jesus tells us not to worry in Luke 12 ~~

²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

   ²⁷ “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.  (NIV)

I am a bit obsessive over things and until I understand a situation fully, I am almost in a silent panic mode..sometimes not so silent. 

I know God doesnt give us anything we cant handle. Paul tells us: "God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it".

God has got my back. 

In reality, logically, I should give my worries to God. Because He will and does take care of them. I have seen it happen many many times before.  He has answered my prayers, healed what needed to be healed and provided for us what we needed to be provided for. But when its the BIG things going on, I give it to Him, then take it back. Give it to Him... hear what He has to say, get impaitient and then do my own thing.  GAH so frustrating. 

Im sure others of you can relate.  And He knows that I am like this too and is probably sitting up in Heaven going "oooo Candace, you silly girl. Just go to bed, no worries. I got it, trust me." 

I need to get out of the mud, give it to God, and leave it... walk away from it till I feel God telling me it is time.

Turning Four

Fantastic Four anyone? 

The 26th of March marks the

day I gave birth to my 10 pound 8 oz Tayven-Lorne   We celebrated with grandparents.  He has been waiting and waiting for his birthday. For almost two months he has been doing the countdown till he is four.  Three nights ago he slept over at his grandparents, said he was going to stay till his birthday but called bright and early the next day to have us come see him and then take him home because he was afraid he would miss his big day. 


But the day came, and he woke me up asking so quietly "Me four now?"  I tell him he is and the loudest most happiest Tayven voice shouts out "YEA YEA YEA!!!!!!!!!!!"

This years birthday consisted of super heroes.  Lots of Iron Man.  Can I tell you how greatful everyone is that the Iron Man stuff is being clearanced everywhere to make room for Thor and Captain America this year?  It really has been just wonderful because we were able to get him the toys he has really wanted but for like half the price!  And Im glad we didnt pay full price for them because they just dont make toys like they used too.  He also got a set of 3D books, one on Dinosaurs and one on the Ocean..two things he loves.  The kids had a blast  playing with those.  Parents and Grandparents did as well. 

We had a terrific time.  The house was filled with family till after 9, people came and went and Tayven was very happy to be able to share his birthday with everyone.  Now he's begining a new year in his life with a smile on his face, and Iron Man in his hand LOL

 

A toothy milestone

A few days ago my daughter got one of her loose baby teeth stuck on her toothbrush.  It made it really loose and this scared her and made her really not wanting to go to school.  We convinced her that it was going to be okay.  The day went on and the tooth didnt fall out. She came home in tears.  Completly terrified with this new experience in her life.  That night I prayed with her about it and we talked about how God created our teeth this way so that we could eat more foods as a child, but get bigger teeth later that would fit our grown up head.  We kept telling her to just wiggle it, or leave it be, it would come out within the week.

The next day we sent her to school with more suitable foods for someone who was absolutly concerned with her tooth.  She wasnt interested in apples or things that could probably pop it out, but applesauce. So we rolled wtih that. The day after that (yesterday) was the same,  but by dinner she was so fed up with feeling so frightened and the really wiggly tooth causing her such inconvience she asked us to help her to finally get it out. By this time it was beyond loose enough and we tried for a while to get her to pull it out, but in the end Daddy went and got it, and now she is as happy as can be.  Now that she knows what to expect, the next tooth to come out wont be such a frightening experience.  I think sometimes adults can forget just how different the world can look in the eyes of a child. This was very evident in some of my attitudes towards this situation.  There were times I thought she was being absolutly foolish to feel this way. But she hadnt experienced this before, so there was nothing foolish about it.  It was probably downright terrifying at moments for her.  All us parents can do in situations like this I think is to show love, and remind our children of Gods love.

The addiction of the internet.

Since 2006 I have been battling an addiction that has pretty well become acceptable and not even considered an addiction more so a way of life to many people all over the world.  Addiction to the internet is something very real for me. 

Let me start off by saying, the internet is a great thing I think. Its a terrific tool, I am a fan of social networking, blogging, youtube, swagbucks, forums, the like. I dont know what I would do if I just couldnt "google" a question or share a photo with family, its the norm...when it is within limits. 

In 2006 I joined a forum for Moms with babies due in March 2007.   This would be a terrific way to journey with different Mothers from all over the world during our pregnancy and birth of our children.  I think it was a terrific idea in some ways. I have met some AMAZING Mothers and there isnt a time that goes by that I dont thank God for every single one of them, including the ones I may have never seen eye to eye with.  Even though the board had drama, and split numerous times, other communities to keep in touch were built and with facebook coming into the picture, I have been able to keep in contact with a lot of them, have met some of them, and talk on the phone weekly with others.  BUT, when online communities start to consume you, and even though all this splitting, evil talk and gossip happens and you STILL think its THAT important, I think its time to sit back and consider if this is a good thing or not.  

Thinking back four years ago and even more recent in other online communities I have had to face the fact that I allowed these online communities to be more important to me than my family and God.  I go on these places to post a baby belly here and there, post pictures, countless pictures of my children (I filled up two photobucket accounts to the max just with pictures I would be sharing), and bragging or complaining about life. I have completly doubted myself as a Mother, my instincts have fallen completly out of whack because I believe I need 16 different opinions first before I decide what to do with my sons runny nose. These women have been there with me in my massive ups and my massive downs.  That I give thanks to God for. There were some women that went above and beyond to help me though some massive depression issues, even if they lived in another country.  Thats awesome.   Thinking back, that was way cool.  But my reasons for being on these forums, while I really do care about these other Mothers, and feel I know a lot of them personally, and love them to peices, another side of my reasons for being on these forums were out of selfishness. Look at me, and lets see how many replies and views I can get with this.  Thats not awesome. Thinking back, that was not cool.

Then comes myspace... then came my mortal enemy.... Facebook. Oh sometimes I wish I had never signed up on that blue and white screen.  Satan for me, really tempts me on the other side of this computer screen... and has won this battle more times than I have. 

Refresh, refresh, refresh, if the buttons on my internet browser could wear out, that one would have worn out a long time ago.  "Did anyone see what I just posted here? Who is going to "like" that today?"   Heaven forbid I miss something.  "Did you see that honey, your son just gave me a high five for the first time".  "No dear I didnt.. I am busy right now, important stuff happening here online..."

My memory card took thousands of pictures of my children.  These photos HAD to go up on these places to share.  These are memories... but for who?  For us, or all these people online I communicate with more than my husband?  When I deleted my Facebook account a few months ago, you know what I had to do? Save all my photos on my hard drive because I dont even have any of these pictures in albums yet.  If my children wanted to see a memory in photograph...I would have to log in..and they could see them after I replied to a few of my friends statuses or I replied to the recent drama on a thread.  And heaven forbid they not co-operate for another cute photo because then that would just mess up my whole life if I couldnt get the photo I wanted up online. 

And this went on from 2006 till just this past Christmas.  4 years of spending more time in front of my computer screen instead of watching my kids do things.  For crying out loud I even had the videos of my boys learning to walk uploading before I would call their Grandparents. 

I have cried over my discust of what I became for days, I have wanted to just kick my own butt because I felt just so ashamed.  So repulsed with me telling my daughter "just wait a minute" for about an hour because she wanted to play with me but I was to busy waiting too see what was going to happen next on the networks I have so enthralled myself with.  Telling my husband I would be "up stairs in a minute" only to head up there a few hours later when he is dead tired of waiting and falls asleep.  Using my Bible to prop up my keyboard a little more....

Scrolling up to see what I wrote, man I wrote a lot.  This is all stuff that I have come to realize FULLY only just recently.  There has been many times before where I have "left" the internet, taken breaks from groups I belonged too, taken the computer into another room where it wasnt as easily accessable...but this past fall it wasnt me on my own who decided I needed an adjustment in my way of life, it was God...and let me tell you, it wasnt a gentle nudge. He probably gently nudged me 100 times about this.  I can still remember fighting with my husband over something that was going to inconveinence my time online... and he went into the bathroom and I had followed him up there.  I got mad because he took the kids stool for the lightswitches and placed it in the middle of the hall... and how I couldnt wait to get online and bitch to someone about this in my status. How dare my husband move a stool out of his way so he could go to the bathroom. The nerve right?

I was on our landing in our stairway and God spoke to me so clearly to wake up and smell the roses.  He has blessed me with children, and with a husband who has sacrificed over and over for me and instead of talking to my husband about whatever was goin on that day I want to get online and bitch about a step stool?!?!?!?!?! 

Tears flowed and flowed and flowed and I bawled leaning over my kitchen counter.  I ripped the computer modem out of the wall..I took it all to the laundry room where it sat for a while.  I made the decision that day that I would slowly start to remove the things I needed from the sites I had so much in, and get off them before I had another day of hitting that refresh button. 

I did do it slowly, some people got it, some people thought I was being totally insane, stupid... at that time I decided that we would have no computer at all. After talking to my husband about it, we decided to keep the computer and the internet but I would have a time limit set on the computer and passwords galore so I couldnt access the world wide web when I wasnt supposed too. But passwords get figured out easily, addicts find ways.  Thats what I am, Im addicted to the internet.  

I left facebook completly, thats no easy task, its not the easiest place to leave, your account can be reactivated almost instantly if you "change your mind".  Kind of frustrating.  I had to set up another email account and link it to my Facebook because I had to delete my email address as well associated with it.  And that would still take 180 days... Its sure not easy trying to rid yourself of these things. 

I decided after this that I would do a fast... I decided to do a fast related to food.  I felt God wanted me to fast so this seems logical right. Lots of people do food fasting.  The third day in, God really spoke to me again, saying even though I left Facebook, He wanted me to do a internet fast. "wake up and smell the java Candace, even though food is a struggle for you, the interent is WAY HUGE for you"  For 21 days I didnt go on the internet.  Praise God what an amazing time that was.  The scriptures I am finally reading, the routine I now have for private Bible Study and prayer and worship in the evenings is far beyond anything I ever had.  Putting God FIRST instead of squeezing Him in after.  The games I have got to play with my children.  The smiles and fun we have..REALLY have, and not just for ten minutes, take a picture of the fun and then post it online to show everyone I am a "fun Mom". 

Now I have allowed myself back on. There are days the temptaion is there MASSIVELY to be on the internet all day.  There have been days I have been on it for much longer than I know I should be.  The fact of the matter is, if my children are awake, they need ME. Not my backside.  And I know this..I KNOW this.. and yet its still a struggle.

Like I said in my post earlier about food addictions (I have an addictive personality) I am MADE for MORE than this.  I am made for more than social networking. Its great in moderation.  I love the fact that I can blog here in moderation, it doesnt take long (well this one sure has but generally) and go on about my day. But there is a world around me, in my own home that NEEDS me.  God did not create me for neglecting my children, my husband, friends, family, my God definatly did not create me to neglect HIM. 

God needs to be first.  He died for me.  I know that.  I get it, but I havent always shown that outwardly.  What kind of faith based parenting am I teaching.

 

Am I teaching my children that God comes first or that checking email comes first?

 

Am I teaching my husband who hasnt given himself to the Lord that a Christian wife is allowed to be constantly selfish or that she is to honor and love her Husband?

Ephesians 5 speaks so clearly to me these days: (verses 15-20)

 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.  Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit,  singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.  And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. "

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I need to be addicted to serving Jesus and being like Christ in this life.  Not to anything else.  Jesus is Love.  If I am addicted to loving others like Christ loves us... would that not be a much better picture? 

This journey is just the begining for me. Its only been a few months of breaking free.  I even typed in Facebook into my browser this morning, something I hadnt done since I deactivated my account.  By total accident, then the thought arose "perhaps God wants me to re activate my account?". NO, stop right there Candace. Thats now God speaking to you. Does that sound like God? No it doesnt. This is why its so important that we all be reading our Bibles and having quiet time and prayer with God, so we can understand His voice from the worlds. 

The enemy uses what we are tempted by the most that take us away from God to make us fall.  He's not some dumb red guy with a pitch fork.  He is very very smart.  But God is smarter. And if we focus on Christ inside us, we can beat Satan.  Amen to that. Thank You Jesus!

March Break

March Break comes to an end and routines begin again.  We had the wonderful opportunity to go and visit family and friends in the town we raised our children up until we moved about a year and a half ago.

We got to spend a lot of time squishing the newest arrivals to our famiy, a pair of handsom twins who are now five months, smiling, cooing, and just all around squishy!!!

They were born at 27 weeks, and were extreemly tiny, in the hospital for a long time.  One thing after another, very fragile wee lads.  We got everyone we could think of to pray for them and God is so good and answered all of our prayers, and they are both now home with Mommy and Daddy, and are both about 13lbs and filled with joy (and gas LOL).  They are just the sweetest guys.  I could have squished them all day.  And I did as much as I could while we were visiting.

My children thought they were pretty squishable too.  My three year old would just rub their eyebrows so gently, and asked me if he could have one.  I told him he would have to talk to Daddy really nice for a baby since I think having more babies is the last thing on my husbands mind.  Our daughter just adores these boys and would just sit there with them and talk away at them and they would listen to her everyword when they were awake. If they were sleeping she would still remind us and them a lot that they were just the cutest things. 

Our youngest, well he liked them alright but after a while he wanted his Mom back and would make sure he was heard. He would be gazing at them and go "awwwww baby!" and then a few minutes later "No baby" 
Priceless.  Too sweet. 

We got to see a lot of family and friends, not everyone we wanted, but I think we did the best we could.  We got to visit the Church we attended there and it was so amazing to see everyone again.  We even got to attend a great concert there that night as well as well as spend an afternoon/evening with our Pastors family there and we all loved that. There was lots of kids and laughs and catching up.  Unfortunatly a few days into the trip we discovered my daughter had head lice.  Let me tell you that is an awquard phone call to make to all the people we knew she had close contact with.  We caught it just in time.  I keep thanking God so much for us checking her when we did because she only had one live one and under a dozen eggs, which if you have had to deal with headlice before know that that is nothing to what it can become and no one else ended up with it either.  So some plans had to be rearranged but it didnt make anything terribly miserable either. She did not appreciate having to have her hair combed through every day by any means, she would be a bit upset at the whole situation, but we kept reminding her that it could be a whole lot worse. 

The weather was excellent!  The kids got a great day of sledding and a good day of building snow castles outside my Mothers house.  Everyday had the "gotta be outside" vibe to it. It was just so great.

The ride coming back this past friday was not the greatest trip back. Our oldest and youngest both were car sick a bit and our middle child really did not want to be stuck in the car all day.  It was a bit rougher than going up but the roads were great and we made it home without any car troubles. Praise God. 

My Mom had the opporunity to come check out our new place of worship today and I think she had a good time. We had healing time during our worship and I think that was a real blessing for her as well as she struggles with physical pain everyday.  Now she has headed back home and I have been trying to keep the kids busy so they dont begin to realize that March Break has come to an end and school begins once again tomorrow morning.  Trying to get back into the routine of things, along with clock changes, its taking patience!
My husband did not come with us on this trip this time, he stayed behind and had a mini holiday for himself.  When we got home we discovered the sweetest gifts on the dining room table. He bought the children each a goldfish and they are just over the moon with happiness about these little dudes who have now been named "Iron Man" (orange one), "Hulk" (the multicoloured one) and "Sarah" (the brownish one).   I also got the most beauitful flowers that he picked out and put together himself, so I think that is pretty special. He's such a great guy.   I think he may have missed us just a tad, I bet the quiet week was a blessing though, he works so hard for us and never really gets a moment of quiet.  I know I sure missed him like crazy and the children jumped all over him when they got in the door. 

It was such a blessing to be able to go and visit everyone we did get to see, and we cant wait to see them all again, but it is also so wonderful to be home. 

3-yr-old rejoicing after being healed

                                                       



This video was sent to me today by a dear friend and I have to post it here because it is just so adorable.  And so awesome! 
I have said it before,  children make it so simple.  We spend so much time trying to find a way to be healed... and its SO SIMPLE. The answer is in JESUS CHRIST

God can heal you, all we have to do is ask, and how do we come to God, only through His Son

John 14:6 Jesus states clearly

 ⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

^{And believing this and accepting Him as your Savior He goes on to say in verse 13}

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it"

He is such an awsesome God.  Praise Him, He is just so worth it.

What the.....

This morning we awoke to our clocks flashing and a bit colder draft coming through our bedroom window.  As I got up to tend to one of the children I looked outside to admire the beautiful grass that was starting to peek out from a long winter...

only it was gone...all gone!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is such a familiar sight here for us now... we have had more snow this year than we knew what to do with.  But its been a long winter, and I am really looking forward to putting the winter boots away.  LOL.  Buses are at a standstill so it looks like my daughters March Break starts a day early.

There is a beauty in winter, its so crisp and pure.  It is gorgeous to look at if you dont look at it as being an inconvienience.... *chuckles*.  Thats how I had to look at God in the begining, I seen being a Christian as an inconvinience because I had to give up a lot of things that I was enjoying inmy life that were not exactically good for me... and this was even after seeing how crisp and pure God is!  What He has for us is so much better than what the world has!!!!!!!!!!  A beauty that cant even be imagined.  Have a terrific March Break everyone! 

Yes snow..you can go

We are not sure how long this will last, but the kids enjoyed the puddles yesterday... but we all know that the snow will probably hit again. 

Made for so much more than Dr Pepper and Ruffles Chips!

People call me "Mrs Crunchy" in some circles.. but when it comes to my food choices..the only crunch to it is the sound the junk makes between my teeth.

 

I have started yet again a journey to rid myself of junk food and unhealthy food choices.  This time starting with reading the book Made to Crave.  So far Im five chapters in and I am excited, and scared. 

I dont have to loose a ton of weight, but there is 20 extra pounds on my body that I really really hate, I really feel insecure about and every time I look in the mirror I can recal 100 instances with food that made me gain them.  They are not from having three big 10 pound children, they are not from being lazy..they are from late night eating, and trying to solve all my issues with food.  I do go to food more than I go to God for my stress, anxieties, worries, etc.  This has got to stop.  And I have tried may times before. Giving sugar the finger, asking my husband to not buy sour cream and bacon Ruffles at the store... but usually if I get stressed out, or have a bad day and he asks if I want anything at the store... I tell him to buy me a Dr Pepper and chips... and a Bounty chocolate bar... and a Cadbury cream egg... get the point?

The author of this book made a good point about praying when we get a craving.  This is my focus right now. To going to God immediatly when I get a craving for these foods that are only going to satisfy me until I swallow the last peice.  I need to go to Him BEFORE the craving, instead of afterwards and I feel like a complete failure. 

If you are reading this, pray for me.  I need a lot of it.  I am made for more! I am a child of God!  I should be really really excited to be starting a journey that is going to bring me closer to the God who died for ME!  Yet I feel so terrified at the same time. You know the angel on the one shoulder, and the devil on the other? yea that is totally me right now.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says  So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
I rarely do that. Infact, I dont know if I have ever done that besides the four days I tried to fast a few months ago. 
And my body is a temple for the Lord, I should be taking care of this body!!!

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says (The Message version) You realize, don't you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple, you can be sure of that. God's temple is sacred—and you, remember, are the temple.

Its all clear to me at this moment... when that craving comes in, its hard to remember that.
But I know God answers prayer!  So I will pray hard, and please again I ask for you all to pray for me too. Even if its just once.  Prayer is so powerful! I have seen it work many times and I know it will work again!  God is so awesome! 
My focus today is to start praying to God to be the fufilment I need instead of going to food for satisfaction.  Also to make my portion sizes not so GINORMOUS!..and going back for seconds.  And to once again start listening to my body. And no late night snacks for me tonight..I hope..I pray! Oh man this is going to be a crazy wonderful journey!

Furious Love

I dont think I have ever done a movie review before. LOL, Im no critic really but this movie I found fantastic so I have to share!

My husband has gotten a nack for going to the Christian bookstore at our end and picking me up little gifts here and there.  They know him by name now, he goes in there more than I do and he hasnt given his life to Christ yet even :D .  Last week he picked me up the movie Furious Love.  I watched this movie with tears just flowing down my face at parts.   Darren Wilson goes into some of the most spiritually dark places in the world and aims to show two things-

1.show the world the reality of the war between darkness and light

2.show the world that the only way we can win this war is through love


Some places he goes is to he expericences demon tents, heroin addicts, goes into places where the sex trade is considered "normal",  New Age and Witchcraft festivals, persecuted churches... And all these places are put up against Gods amazing unconditional love!!!  Some of it is hard to swallow, there were parts I honestly wanted to turn the movie off because it was uncomfortable for me to hear some of the things that were spoken about, some of it was close to home.  But once you understand how awesome God is, you know that Gods power is stronger than any other force around us!!!  Seen or unseen!!!
 
After watching the movie, it gave me a boost in my heart to just worship Him more!  Then Church yesterday was all about praise and worship and that boosted me even more! What an awesome God we have!!!  I have just really felt so uplifted and so happy to have Christ in my life. And the fact that I am allowed to worship Him freely here in Canada, I could not be more thankful!  I may have to deal with a few people who critisize, or just dont get it, but I dont have to go through near as much stuff as some Christians in other parts of the world have to go through to worship our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.   I honestly dont know how I would get through it all without Him. 
 
Have a great week everyone!!!!!!!!!  Happy Monday!!!!

and so the saga of raising boys officially begins...

Last night our youngest was the first in our bunch of children to have to go to the hospital to recieve stitches. 
It all happened at about 7:30 last night.
He came running into the kitchen (in the excitement once again over popcorn I might add), and I had turned around to talk to my husband, my son and I colided, sending him into a wall where he cracked his head in the entrance way of our kitchen.  I just held him so tight as he was screaming, I could feel blood and I figured maybe he knocked his mouth. My husband noticed where he was injured within seconds and ran to grab a washcloth off the counter and put it on his head and told me to hold it.  So now I have figured out that it was his forehead that was injured.  "Is it bad!" I cried. "Yes." my husband said.  "Does he need stitches?"  I freak out... my husbad replies "lemmie look..... .... yep I am pretty sure it does."
So he calls his Dad to see if he can come and take them to the hospital and they arrived at the hospital I'd say around 8:30ish.  He didnt get his stitches till after 2am.  We sure picked a busy night at the hospital to have an emergency. 

I still feel soooooo awful about it, I can replay and feel the moment in an instant and I just keep hugging him and appologizing.  I remember when he was in my arms screaming I cried out to God "Just dont let him be bothered by it, dont let him feel pain, take it from him I dont want him to be hurting anymore."  We got him dressed and I nursed him till my husbands Dad got to our house.  When they called from the hospital  I asked "Is he okay?"  and my husband was laughing and said "Yep. He's runnin around in here, laughing, playing like nothing is wrong!  The little stinker."  I truly and honestly believe that God did protect him from pain and fear while in that hospital!  He is such an awesome God capable of so much when we put our trust in Him!    If you had seen that gash in his head, I know if it were me there would be no way I would be calm and collected, running around playing, and laughing. 


So in one week he needs to go back in and have the stitches taken out, and until then we just have to keep an eye on it.  Hopefully everything goes well and his wound heals nicley.  I never thought he would be our first one in for stitches. I always figured it would be our middle child because he's a bit of a dare devil.  Accidents happen so fast, it was like "what on earth just happened here." Not even a moment to think.  I cried so hard, but everyone has been telling me that it was an accident, which I know it was, but you cant help but feel guilty. I am still appologizing even though he is running around like nothing happened.  Im just so greatful for my husbands Father and his wife and their kindess and helpfulness, the protection he had through the whole ordeal.  Thank You God! 

A "bit of my crunchy side"... Yes I still breastfeed....

I dont even know how to start this post, but I know that I have a lot of things to say.  Over the past few weeks, I have come across more than one person who has showed complete shock that I still breastfeed my two year old son.  I dont know if I would go as far to say they look discusted, but concerned.  If they only knew I breastfed my first son until he was almost three. 

I dont know if I am 100% pro baby-lead weaning or not. I know that there are reasons, and to me they are valid good reasons for a Mom to wean a child and it is all good.  But for me, I just cant bring myself to do it.  With my daughter I lost my milk supply drastically when she was 9 months old and quit, I didnt have the education about breastfeeding as I do now.  With Tayven, our second, I quit nursing him while pregnant for Zayden due to emotional and mental pain (dealing with PPD, being pregnant and nursing wasnt exactically my idea of a good time then, and thats another story) I stopped, once Zayden was born Tayven wanted to nurse again and I let him and he stopped a few months shy of his third birthday.  I tandemed (nursed two at the same time) for almost 10 months. 

We have tried a few times to diminish the amount of times he is nursing during the day, but everytime there is a tooth, a sickness, or any change in schedual, we are back at nursing like a three week old baby with a growth spurt!  I love nursing my son for the most part, sometimes though a wiggly 30 pound boy who is pulling at your jewlery and kicking you in the face while nursing for the 5th time that afternoon can be a bit <insert hair pulling here>.   We co-sleep so during the night he will help himself..and the times he has been in his own bed, I have actually found myself "sleep nursing"..making my way into his room at his beckon call and nursing him.  For those who last heard he was no longer nursing at night...HA..that lasted maybe a month... and I am not joking when I say every time I attempt night weaning I get mastitis (a really nasty infection in the milk ducts) and you are not supposed to stop nursing when you have mastitis..sometimes I think its a curse LOL. 



Zayden- Summer 2010



He is however starting to enjoy solid foods. We did baby-led solids with Zayden, skipped the jars and just let him try what we were having.  He honestly never at too much solids till just the past six months I bet.  And in no way shape or form is he "failure to thrive".   

One question I have been asked more than any other question is "Is that breastmilk any good for him anymore???  It cant have any nutrition in it."  ofcourse it does! Breastmilk changes with your child, for your childs needs. God made it to do that!  Isnt that so awesome!? 

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html#nutrition

That is a great link about extended breastfeeding.  There havent been a ton of studies done on breastfeeding over the age of two that I can find, but there is definatly tons of benefits that you can look into in that link if you are interested.  If anyone reading this has some great information of the nutritional value of two years or beyond I would love to see it and give it a good read :) 

I dont get overly angry or sad when people give me weird looks, but I do wish that it was more culturally "normal"..I think its getting better. 

I dont start getting lippy at people about me breastfeeding my toddler, but I do gently say that it still gives him loads of nutrition and protects him from illnesses and helps as well with allergies (which I have a few of).  
I have also been asked why I never gave him a bottle.  We did with Tayven and it worked fantastic. I have nothing against bottles, but with Z, we just didnt do it.  To give him one now I think would just be weird!  Plus Im just too bloody lazy to do any more dishes!!! ;)  I dont know if there is a "right" way to dealing with this issue.  Everyone has been taught something and they see it as right. And it is right for them.  I used to do the formula/breastfeeding debate all the time... now I just dont and I am happy with my decisions and I dont judge other Moms for their choice.  Parenting can be hard enough! lol Plus..Jesus was breastfed!  (Had to add that :) 

applying the paint

The kids really love to paint and what better way to pass the time than to make a big colourful mess in the kitchen. 
I love watching them paint.  They all have very different styles of painting, all very unique and I just embrace their uniqueness so much. They have all been created so differently from eachother.  There personalities, their brush strokes are all so their own. 

Tayven is just shy of 4 and has a very whimsical way of painting sometimes, very light and airy sometimes, then he can get very excited and paint fast and crazy.  His drawings can be so simple but he puts a lot of thought into them

Alexis is 6 and has a very good grasp of how to make things look the way they should the best she can.  She gets an idea in her head and she goes for it. She doesnt worry if she messes something up, she just looks for ways to improve it, or says she will remember it for next time.  Sometimes the mistakes we make end up being the reason something works so well.

Zayden who is 2, has a very thick way of painting, the more the better. Layers upon layers upon LAYERS of paint. 

It makes me smile because this is how I think God created each of us.  Very unique, different ways of "applying the paint".   In some places in our spirits we get it thick, and other parts of our personalities we just just a splash of.  

When he began to create the earth, the trees, the water, the dinosaurs, the birds, everything He created He took great joy in and made it all good.

Psalm 139
 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you.